A 31-year-old man wants to hang out with his best friend ‘until I die’.

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Age: 31

Gender: Male, he/him

Sexuality: Pansexual

Ethnicity: Pākehā

Religion: Agnostic. Buddhism seems kinda cool.

Occupation: Charity work and recruitment.

Length of relationship: 13 years, two of them married.

Children: None, we’ve both talked about having kids but I have had this moral issue about bringing children into a world that feels like it’s on the brink of destruction. My partner feels the same.

How we met: We both like to say mutual friends, but the reality is that they thought I was good looking and added me on social media. After a few years of talking to each other and becoming close friends we hung out one day and never stopped. They like to tell a story about when we first hung out that they were shy about asking to hang out again the next day because it was “too soon”, but I told them I would love to hang out tomorrow!

The best think about my relationship: They are my best friend. Sometimes in movies or TV the couple have friend groups where they can “escape”, but I love them so much and I always want to hang out, I hope they feel the same!

A problem we can’t seem to resolve: Where common household items should go! Why are the tissues in the bedroom when they’re usually in the lounge! Where the heck is the dustpan gone now!

This is how we share/separate our finances: One joint account for rent/bills/anything else and separate personal accounts. I don’t care what they spend their hard earned money on.

This is how we split chores and childcare: We both naturally gravitated to things we didn’t mind doing. I am happy to wash dishes and tidy the kitchen and clean the toilet, shower and sink and they are happy to vacuum or dust and cook. Though we do just kinda pick up each other’s chores if the other is feeling down, or if the house is a mess.

Our sex life in three words: Like a jug boiling. When it’s boiling, it could be multiple times a day every day for a week or two, then when the jug is done and cooling, we can go a month or so without.

The thing that makes me a good partner: I never share my secrets! Honestly though, no one is perfect, including me and you, so give grace when someone makes a mistake, and hope they give it right back!

The thing I need to work on to be a better partner: Coming up with date ideas! I think of myself as a creative person, so why can I never think of something romantic when trying to plan a date. I feel like there is only so much “brunch at our favourite cafe again, my love?” I can do before they get bored of me!

What I most appreciate in my partner: The way they can make people feel so comfortable! They can make everyone in the room feel welcome and taken care of. I don’t know how they do it. I am always enamoured by the way people talk so positively about them. Does that means I am a jealous and sullen person?

What I most resent in my relationship: I resent that my partner helped pay for us when I was studying. They sacrificed so much for me and I still haven’t had the chance to repay that kindness. I hope in the future if they decide to go study something that I can be there for them, and pay for everything.

The thing that has changed the most about my relationship over time: Ourselves. When we first started dating we were angsty and moody teenagers with problems we didn’t know how to solve, and as we’ve grown as people we have had the privilege of falling in love with our new selves. It’s like a different person every 3-5 years!

It would surprise people to know this about my relationship: I lied about working at a shoe store when we were first talking to seem super cool. Not only did that not make me cool, it also made me seem like an even bigger idiot down the line when I told the truth! How embarrassing!

Our last big fight was about: We don’t often have “big” fights as we can usually resolve the issue before it gets out of control. We do often get into stupid arguments because one of us used poor wording, tried a really bad joke, or weren’t communicating properly.

If I hadn’t met my partner: You know, I am really not sure. I never really had solid direction and I have always bounced around wherever the wind takes me. Probably writing some stupid books or fanfictions in some overseas country pretending I work at a shoe store for potential love interests.

I expect my relationship to last until: Until I die, be it from any of my many genetically predisposed illnesses, or just by sheer poor luck. I hope to live a long time with them so we can keep hanging out together!

My relationship advice is: Marry your best friend, and buy some flowers for god’s sake!