In our series looking at relationships in New Zealand, a 25-year-old in her first relationship is in it for life.
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Age: 25
Gender: Female, she/her
Sexuality: Straight
Ethnicity: Pākehā
Religion: Agnostic
Occupation: Marketing
Length of relationship: Two years
Children: None, we both want them one day but no plans for a while.
How we met: I’d like to make up a big romantic story, but the reality is it was through Hinge. For all of the flaws of dating apps, we do say “God bless Hinge” to each other often for letting us meet each other.
The best thing about my relationship: My partner is my absolute best friend. We just have so much fun anytime we’re together. Even the idea of catching a long haul flight with him is exciting to me, because I’m never bored when he’s around.
A problem we can’t seem to resolve: Balancing my obsession with cleaning things the way I think is “right” vs. making sure we have an even split in household chores. It’s a bit of needing to let go from me, oopsie.
This is how we share/separate our finances: Rent is split evenly, we share grocery costs and take turns cooking in our flat. Everything else is for us to work out, I’d say we’re pretty even when it comes to buying each other little treats.
This is how we split chores and childcare: See above. I always do the bathroom since it’s one of my main focuses, then other chores get split amongst my flatmates. My partner is great at doing the bigger cleaning tasks I tend to procrastinate, like cleaning our rangehood filters on the weekend.
Our sex life in three words: All about connection. Love is what makes it amazing for us.
The thing that makes me a good partner: I’d like to think I’m quite thoughtful, whether that’s picking up on a bad day and doing something to cheer him up, or proactively doing things that’ll help us both.
The thing I need to work on to be a better partner: Not giving silent treatment. I come from a family who never talks about disagreements or fights, and it’s a pattern of behaviour I’m actively working against.
What I most appreciate in my partner: How kind he is. He’s always thinking about the people he loves and how he can make them happy, especially through his sense of humour. He makes me laugh more than anyone I’ve ever met!
What I most resent in my relationship: How bad I am at being alone now. I used to love my quiet time, but being with my partner is better at recharging me than solitude. I think that might be a good thing, actually?
The thing that has changed the most about my relationship over time: The comfort of growing with someone. This is my first relationship ever, and I’m so glad we met each other when we did. Your early twenties are for growing and learning, we support each other to do exactly that.
It would surprise people to know this about my relationship: Despite both being working professionals who are nerds, most of our convos are doing silly, unintelligible comedy bits to each other.
Our last big fight was about: We never really have big fights, mostly small riffs about those little things that don’t matter when you look back (like taking the rubbish out).
If I hadn’t met my partner: I’d be pretty lost. Meeting someone you want to spend the rest of your life with gives you a certainty. Even if I don’t know where I’ll be living or where I’ll be working down the line, I know I’ll have him. That makes me worry a lot less about what’s to come, and instead I feel excited!
I expect my relationship to last until: Forever. We were sure of each other quite early on, early enough to keep it from our loved ones until it seemed a reasonable timeline! When you know, you know rings true to me now.
My relationship advice is: Never forget to have fun together. Your partner is there for every part of life, especially the joy.
