A plane drags the message “just circling back” across the sky
A plane drags the message “just circling back” across the sky

SocietyApril 27, 2023

The hunt for the worst corporate jargon in the world ever

Senior writer
A plane drags the message “just circling back” across the sky
A plane drags the message “just circling back” across the sky

Alex Casey presents some key learnings about our most loved and loathed corporate phrases. 

If you have ever circled back to get on the same page, touched base before moving forward, or got on someone’s radar with something outside the box, you have fallen victim to the allure of corporate jargon. Even as someone who mostly receives emails from enthusiastic overseas businessmen looking to sell factory samples to any sir/madam who will listen, I too have been seduced by the drop dead drama of being “at capacity” or the feigned intimacy of “reaching out”. 

Thankfully, we are all just as bad as each other. A survey conducted by OfficeMax of 500 office workers across the country has revealed our most loved and loathed corporate jargon. But before we get to the phrases, I just want to “check in” and “find our why”. Why is it that we have come to rely on these buzz phrases at all? Dr Andreea Calude is a senior lecturer in linguistics at the University of Waikato, and says that corporate jargon serves a multitude of purposes. 

“On the one hand, it’s to form alliances and connect interests,” she explains. “If you and I use the same jargon, then we’re signalling to each other that we have a shared common background.” The other vital use for corporate jargon is to communicate uncomfortable information. Calude references the phrase “cut to grow” as an example of this. “That basically means ‘I’m gonna fire a whole bunch of you people so I can invest in areas that I actually want to progress’,” she laughs.

“But nobody is going to say that because it’s very uncomfortable.”

It can be hard to be honest at work.

Another purpose of corporate jargon is to dress up a boring old recurring phrase with a little tie and briefcase and make it seem new. Calude points to “key learnings” as simply copying the homework of “lessons learned” and changing it a bit. “One of the tensions that jargon in the workplace faces is that overuse leads to what we call – linguistic jargon term coming up – semantic bleaching,” she explains. “This is where words lose their kind of semantic force, and there might be a need to make everyday ideas feel fresh, innovative and dynamic.” 

So which popular phrases have succumbed to semantic bleaching? Which are containing uncomfortable truths? And which are simply trying to create a shared connection between two associates, hunched over laptops, begging someone to reply to them? With help from Calude, I decoded some of the most frequently-used corporate phrases to find out what they really mean. Sing out with any questions and I look forward to hearing from you. 

‘Moving forward’

The most commonly observed bit of corporate jargon for 64% of survey respondents, and a stone cold classic. “Some of these idiomatic expressions are all about expressing politeness,” says Calude, who confessed to using “moving forward” earlier that morning. “This is a polite way of directing action, of hurrying something along without seeming like a dick.” But “moving forward” is also highly contextual, she says, and can be deployed in many different ways. 

For me, a chronic catastrophiser, “moving forward” in an email is an extremely formal device and denotes that someone, most likely you, has already been, or is about to be, in serious trouble. If I ever got an email with the subject line “moving forward” I would not open it and simply immediately pop on a wig and a high-vis vest and reinvent myself as an affable traffic warden. I’ll show you moving forward. I’ll show you all. 

‘On my radar’

I believe it was Britney Spears who once said: “I’m checking you, so hot, so hot / Wonder if you know you’re on my radar (On my radar) / On my radar (On my radar)”. Not so appropriate in your friendly work emails now, is it? HR nightmare aside, Calude says this is a textbook example of using a gentle metaphor instead of just saying “I want your attention”. Still, the word “radar” is a fun way to infuse some sci-fi fantasy into the work day, even if the only thing truly on your radar is a PR pitch about inspiring more women to buy luxury cars this International Women’s Day.

Look closely and you will see… just getting on a radar.

‘Trim the fat’

A true body horror phrase, mostly used in relation to making something more concise, to reduce or to downscale. Given that this was the number one most loathed phrase by 48% of survey respondents, it is clear “trim the fat” has absolutely no place being uttered anywhere outside of Nigella Lawson advising on how to prepare a leg of lamb. 

Calude agrees that we must t*** the f** on “trim the fat”. “We’re in the age when we’re very concerned with discrimination and injustices and we don’t want to be unkind to anybody based on appearances,” she explains. “There’s something unpleasant about this. It suggests that you’re not superfluous, but that you’re a negative factor in the equation. It’s basically insulting.”

‘Boil the ocean’

The bleakest and most elusive of them all, I had never encountered this phrase outside of a climate crisis context before. Google it and you’ll get both a business definition – “to increase the scope of a project or task until it is practically impossible to accomplish as envisioned” – and a New York magazine article about how we are literally boiling the ocean faster than we thought. Calude tells me the phrase was coined far from a boardroom, and in fact by American humorist Will Rogers in relation to capturing German U-boats during World War One. 

“It doesn’t sound like it is being used how he meant it either,” she muses. “It’s something that’s migrated and changed over time, which is quite common for idiomatic phrases.” I don’t want to rock the boat too much here, but have we considered doing a deep dive while boiling the ocean? Just a blue sky thought.

‘Touching base’ (ft. ‘Reaching out’)

I naturally grouped these together because they were two of the most commonly-used phrases and both have vaguely intimate energy. “These are both using motion metaphors, to touch and to reach,” says Calude. “These are bodily functions, but they’re used here to talk about essentially a kind of abstract connection between people. This is something we do all the time, using motion as a proxy for more conceptual ideas. You’re not touching anything or reaching for anything… you are most likely sitting at your desk typing.” 

Just reaching out. (Photo: Getty Images)

‘Just circling back’

Time is a flat circle, it’s the circle of life, and “circling back” is so powerful that it didn’t appear in the survey results at all. I love to circle back so much that an email search of the phrase reveals 1-50 results of “many”. I love to circle back so much that it has permeated my group chats, relating to everything from waterproof mattress protectors to Trade Me coffee table reviews. It’s a lovely bit of corporate jargon, which Calude says can be particularly useful for managers. 

“In businesses, there’s always a hierarchy. For a lot of people talking to employees, you’re trying to be polite and to not seem like a kind of mini Napoleon trying to direct everyone around. Circling back is just a nice way of directing the conversation or the attention to whatever it is that the person wants to get back to.” The optional addition of the word “just” (a personal favourite despite the many thinkpieces) is what Calude calls a “mitigator” to tone things down even more.

“The general rule in English, and something that actually trips up a lot of non native speakers, is that wordiness equals politeness,” she explains. “The more wordy and fumbling you are, weirdly enough, the more polite you seem to appear.” A note to my editors: I’m not waffling, I’m just working harder linguistically to show my ongoing deference, hope we are on the same page!

‘At capacity’

Another common phrase that appeared in the top 25. Instead of telling your colleagues you are burnt out, falling apart, not sleeping well or hanging on by a thread, a cheery note that you are “at capacity” can hide some truly haunting truths. You’re at capacity! Like a theatre! Or an elevator! Haha! “This is using a container metaphor to discuss more abstract ideas that you can’t take on more business, you can’t hire more people, stuff like that,” Calude explains. 

‘Low-hanging fruit’

One of the least-liked phrases, chosen by 35% of respondents as one they’d rather see be boiled in the sea. “Again, this is a metaphor trying to avoid an unpleasant truth,” says Calude. “This is about going for the easy stuff, the quick return. But you don’t want to portray the fact that you’re maybe trying to get something quickly for very low effort, because that doesn’t seem like a worthy noble enterprise.” For example, some may say that writing a listicle about office jargon is low-hanging fruit. And to that I say: bon appetit. 

Keep going!
A compilation of popular New Zealand drugs.
Design: Tina Tiller

SocietyApril 26, 2023

A third of drugs tested by NZ Drug Foundation clinics contain other drugs

Staff Writer
A compilation of popular New Zealand drugs.
Design: Tina Tiller

In November 2021, new legislation was introduced to make drug testing legal and free of charge. Recently released data from 2022 shows why that’s so important.

What is drug checking, and who does it?

“Drug checking is a free and legal process that helps people find out what’s really in their drugs, so they can make informed decisions about if, when and how they take those drugs,” explains a New Zealand Drug Foundation report. The foundation works with KnowYourStuffNZ and the NZ Needle Exchange to conduct ordinary testing, with the ESR lab handling advanced testing. Importantly, every test includes a complimentary harm reduction session. Those who participate in drug checking remain completely anonymous, as it is illegal for any of the providers to record any identifying information about participants.

Last year, the Drug Foundation ran 73 drug check clinics across Auckland, Carterton, Christchurch, Gisborne, Lower Hutt, Masterton, New Plymouth, Wainuiomata and Wellington – testing 1,720 samples. Clinics are run in conjunction with festivals, student unions/associations and their parent universities, regional needle exchanges, retailers, non-profits, STI advocates, city missions, the Aotearoa Sex Workers’ Collective and Auckland Pride. 

Why is drug testing important?

“The most dangerous drug is the drug that you don’t know about”, says the Drug Foundation’s Emily Hughes. The purpose of testing is not to reprimand users or confiscate drugs. “Ultimately, for us, testing comes down to the power of knowledge and harm reduction. For many people, this is the first time they’ve had an open and honest conversation about their drug use with a health professional,” says Hughes. 

Since Covid-19 border restrictions were eased, new drugs have flooded the local market. Local scientists don’t know much about these new drugs yet, but “drug checking allows us to identify what the new substances are so we can engage in harm reduction”, says Hughes. The Drug Foundation recently released its 2022 annual report on what was found in those tests. 

What’s the gist of it?

Key findings included that only 57% of drugs were what people expected – 21% were the presumed drug mixed with another drug, and 12% of samples were something else entirely. 

A pie chart showing the breakdown.
Graph: New Zealand Drug Foundation

What drugs did people think they had, and what unexpected substances were present? 

Although some of the people who turned up to the 73 Drug Foundation clinics were unsure what they possessed, most thought they had one of the following:

The majority (59%) of samples were presumed to be MDMA. Other common presumed substances included amphetamines (5%), methamphetamine (4%), cocaine (5%), ketamine (4%), LSD (4%) and cannabis (4%). Plenty of unexpected substances were discovered after testing, however. 

Some people who thought they had pure psychoactive drugs also got some baking goods, crushed-up boner pills and over-the-counter painkillers mixed in. “In many cases, samples were mixtures of two or more substances,” the report noted. 

What ‘fillers’ were present? 

Fillers/binders are non-psychoactive substances used to bulk out drugs. The Drug Foundation encourages people to understand what binders are present in drugs, “especially if they’re planning to inject or snort it, as some fillers can be harmful to take in these ways”. A wide variety of binders were identified, including caffeine, calcium, cornstarch, creatine, garlic powder, lactose, sugar and epsom salts.

What unexpected substances were of particular concern? 

25B-NBOH and other NBOMes were discovered at Rhythm & Vines, masquerading as LSD. These substances have caused multiple deaths overseas. 

Isopropylbenzylamine in meth, which often produces noticeably uncomfortable effects such as headaches. 

New synthetic cathinones (bath salts) like cyputylone and d-tertylone are being sold as MDMA. The Drug Foundation report said, “synthetic cathinones can have a much lower dosage rate than MDMA, so if someone takes a substance thinking it’s MDMA when it’s a cathinone, they could be at risk of overdose, or an unexpected and unpleasant time”.

Novel (new) benzodiazepines. “With novel benzos, we often don’t have info about dosing, and these may be active in incredibly tiny doses – meaning the risk of overdose is high,” noted the report.

Novel opioids are highly potent; even the equivalent of a few grains of salt can kill. 

What’s really in our drugs?

The Drug Foundation’s research looked into the real makeup of some popular drugs.

Cocaine: Seventy-one percent of cocaine samples were either pure or mixed with fillers. Ten percent included another drug, but in 19% of samples, no cocaine was present at all. The drugs sold as cocaine included MDMA, bath salts, ketamine and methamphetamine.

Ketamine: Of the popular drugs, testing found that drugs presumed to be ketamine were largely accurate – 93% was ketamine or was mixed with binders. Four percent of samples were ketamine mixed with another drug, and 3% contained no ketamine. Samples that weren’t ketamine were instead substances like methamphetamine.

LSD: Seventy-eight percent of LSD samples were identified as part of the wider psychedelic group – known as indoles – which includes LSD, DMT and magic mushrooms. Eight percent of samples were confirmed to contain non-indole substances, such as ketamine or the particularly hazardous drugs 25B-NBOH and NBOMe. 

MDMA: Eighty-two percent of what was presumed to be MDMA was either pure MDMA or mixed with fillers. Twelve percent of samples contained zero MDMA; of that, 37% were bath salts, one of the particularly hazardous substances identified by the Drug Foundation. The remaining samples were MDMA mixed with substances like caffeine and paracetamol. Alongside bath salts, substances sold as MDMA included caffeine, ketamine and cocaine. 

Methamphetamine: One in five samples sold as meth contained no meth at all, but three quarters of all samples were either meth or were mixed with binders. Three percent contained meth combined with another drug. Some substances that were masquerading as meth included cough medicine and isopropylbenzylamine, the meth-like drug cited by the Drug Foundation as very dangerous. 

A pie chart outlining whether or not people would take a drug after finding out it wasn't what they thought.
Graph: New Zealand Drug Foundation

How can you stay safe if you don’t have access to drug-testing schemes?

The Drug Foundation’s Emily Hughes notes that although there are plans to expand drug checking, it currently can’t cover every corner of the motu, so she has some tips for people for whom testing initiatives aren’t accessible. Firstly, “if you can test your own drugs, do it!” Testing kits can be purchased online, for example, through Cosmic or the NZ Needle Exchange. Secondly, follow drug-checking schemes on social media and check their websites for up-to-date information on the latest dangerous drug trends. Thirdly, “start with a low dose to test it out – it may seem simple, but it is really important.” 

Information about harm reduction is always available. If you or someone you know needs help, you can find useful information on the following websites: Alcohol and Drug Helpline, Family Drug Support Aotearoa New Zealand, New Zealand Government, New Zealand Police and The Level. 

The Alcohol and Drug Helpline can be reached at 0800 787 797 (phone call) and 8681 (text), or if you would like to attend a drug-checking clinic see the calendar here. 

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