As Bill English and Jacinda Ardern battled it out during TVNZ1’s debate last night, Emily Writes was left extremely confused by a sexy candy ad.
I never watch free-to-air television on an actual television. I’m not sure why in 2017 you would. So last night’s TVNZ leader’s debate was the first time in a long time that I’ve seen a TV ad. I had almost completely forgotten that they existed at all.
I was just one of the probably dozens of millennials sitting in an overpriced rental, scoffing avocado and wondering why the Hell there are so many ad-breaks on television, when suddenly one particular ad stopped me in my tracks.
“Gosh, this is a bit racy,” I thought as I watched a guy in a suit come home, walk up the stairs, and stop at the door to his bedroom.
I am sure you would have guessed the same as I did – that he was going to walk in on his missus doing the dirty on him.
You would be right.
But: did you guess that she was under the covers with a giant M&M? I am guessing you did not.
Just why we have an ad where a woman is fucking an M&M is beyond me. I just don’t understand it at all. And I have not been able to stop thinking about it since last night.
To me, the M&M sex ad was the most shocking thing about the leader’s debate and I want to know what Bull Unglush and Jacinta Adun think about it.
If you think a woman being caught corking confectionary at approximately 7.30pm on Free-to-Air television is the weirdest thing ever, hold up, because it gets weirder.
The White Dude says “I thought we were going to eat him together”.
I searched the ad to write this piece and found it’s not even the only version of this messed up M&M sex ad. Inexplicably, they have another ad with a different guy who says “I thought we were meant to share him” and the M&M angrily says “So that’s what you meant by dessert!”
AND THEN FOR NO REASON ‘TAINTED LOVE’ PLAYS.
What does this mean? Does this mean the red M&M wants to have sex with the dude afterwards? I am not slut-shaming an M&M. I am fine if that’s what the red M&M wants to do. But none of this makes me want to eat an M&M.
Is this meant to make us hungry for M&Ms? Or, god forbid, horny for M&Ms? What is the end game? I don’t want to have sex with one and I really believe that I’m not in the minority in holding that view.
In one of the ads I found on YouTube a Yellow M&M comes out of the closet. Is this a metaphor? Or was he just watching them? Was that consensual? Was that part of it?
How was this advertising pitch made to the makers of M&Ms?
“OK, so there’s a woman in bed with an M&M and her husband comes home and catches her in bed with the M&M”
Did anyone, at any point, say: “Why is she fucking the M&M and how does that make people want to eat M&Ms?”
How did they cast this?
“So, you’ll be in bed with an M&M, under the covers…”
“Do I have to fuck the M&M?”
“No, no that’s just implied”.
Were there outtakes? Do I want to know about the outtakes?
We may never have answers to these questions. I considered calling the advertisers behind this abomination but I am lazy and I couldn’t be bothered. All I will say is that we have been focused on winners in this debate and really we should be talking about how we all lost a piece of our soul when we saw that advertisement.
And if you’re not traumatised enough, I got a direct message last night from someone who did not want to be named saying there are “many” sexy M&M ads. Just one more reason not to watch Free-to-Air TV.
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