Mediaworks launched their 2019 slate today. Sam Brooks has the lowdown on what you should be watching (and voting) for.

2018 is almost over and what a ride it’s been. Now, as we look ahead to 2019, who’s going to be dancing with other stars? Who’s going to be getting married at first sight? And who’s going to be murdering some fish on camera?

Your friendly television editor has the low-down.

Dancing with the Stars is back (and they’re bringing our big ‘M’s with ’em)

After ruining two months of my Sunday and Monday nights with furious live recaps, Dancing with the Stars is back for 2019. And the first two contestants announced are warzone enthusiast Mike McRoberts and New Zealand’s reality and social sweetheart Matilda Rice. Sharyn Casey and Dai Henwood are back to provide commentary.

Who else is going to join them? Crusher Collins? Jordan Maugher? Sue Fleischel? One of the Funny Girls? Who can say!

Me, I can say. Watch out for our up-to-date recaps in 2019, friends.

Patrick Gower has a documentary about weed

I have nothing to say about this. Seems like a good fit!

It’ll be part of the Three Event series, and Mediaworks touts it as a ‘TV high of the year’ with the kind of wit I expect from a press release.

Clarke Gayford will be back to murder some more fish

Fish of the Day returns! In this new series, Clarke will roam around the South Pacific, Antartica, and murder fish with more abandon – coming to Three.

2019: A bad year to be a fish.

Jonah is coming

No, thankfully not Jonah from Tonga. Jonah is a telefeature that will showcase the life of Jonah Lomu, released in the leadup to the 2019 World Cup. Balls will be thrown and tears will be jerked by even the most masculine of your family members.

A drama that is Broadchurch-meets-Waiheke Island

The Gulf is a new drama starring Kate Elliot (the Jean Batten telefeature), Ido Drent (Daniel Potts 2.0), Pana Hema-Taylor (Westside) combining ‘crime, moral disintegration and three haunting cases’. Can’t wait for the episode about wineries, and the other one about woofers.

Kanoa Lloyd is spending more time in front of our cameras, thank god

In a television show that combines New Zealand’s freshest and most welcome face with the thing that every human being on this earth hates most, Moving Out with Kanoa will see Kanoa Lloyd help  Kiwis transition from place to place, from lifestyle to lifestyle, from city to urban, from house to tiny house. I’m into it, honestly. Kanoa Lloyd is a national treasure and if there’s a way she can do this, Dancing with the Stars and The Project NZ, I will spend 2019 at no less than ‘happy’.

And you can apply to be a part of it, somewhere on the Mediaworks site!

An ABBA TV special

“Celebrate music’s favourite Swedish supergroup in this highly-anticipated Three Event. This special two-hour television tribute will see all four members reunite – Agnetha Faltskog, Björn Ulvaeus, Benny Anderson and Anni-Frid Lyngstad. The special will also unveil the band’s new song ‘I Still Have Faith In You’, sung by the virtual ABBA digital representation of the band circa 1979 and dubbed ‘ABBAtars’. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime event that promises to entertain Kiwi audiences with some ‘70s and ‘80s pop nostalgia with a contemporary twist.”

This tells you everything you need to know about the show, and whether you will be spending those two hours crying in front of the television or as far away from any TV-accessible screen as possible.

A bunch of things are returning

The Block’s back.

Married at First Sight is back (sorry Alex Casey, the ball to your chain has returned).

The AM Show will put Duncan Garner in front of our eyeballs before we’ve had coffee once more.

Newshub will remain the news.

The Project will still be your go-to 7PM slot for non-Shortland Street content.

7 Days will continue to employ comedians for its tenth year.

Lost & Found will make you cry.

Grand Designs will show you houses you can’t afford.

Gogglebox NZ will… show you yourselves, you weirdos.

… including Westside

Westside returns for season five! Any more seasons and they’ll be just remaking episodes of Outrageous Fortune. I can’t wait for season twenty-three, set in the present day, where Antonia Prebble will be playing the third generation of West.

Bless our souls, and our television screens. Bring on 2019.