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Shortland Street Power Rankings: Chris Warner can’t turn on his television

Tara Ward brings you her Shortland Street Power Rankings for last week, including Lucy’s diary, Ali’s waxwork model and a TV nightmare at the Warner manor.

1) In an exclusive excerpt from Lucy’s diary, we discover she had the busiest week in the history of Shortland Street:

Tuesday

Broke up with Finn, but not before I drank all his wine. Nearly drowned at beach and had CPR pash with Ali who was stalking me from the sand dunes (so romantic). We are totally in love. So only about 10-15 minutes without a bf, yay me.

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Wednesday

Got out of hospital after my ‘drunk body surfing’ episode. I cried a lot and my skin went blotchy, fml.

Thursday

Told Sabina I was sorry for ruining her wedding. For some reason, she was really rude to me. Also Ali and I had the worst kiss ever. CPR mouth-to-mouth was better.

Friday

Taught Ali how to kiss! Ended the week on a high! Always good to achieve your goals!

2) Blue gives Victoria the respect she deserves

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3) Surprise, surprise: George is not who he seems

Who is George? We might not care, but Dayna does. Mostly because George now owns half of her hospitality empire and the IV profits have tripled since Jimmy stopped singing ‘Slice of Heaven’ every night.

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Whoops, did George forget to mention his family doesn’t know he’s married? And that the rest of the world know him by another name? Dayna, do not let George’s man-bun distract you from the fact he has lies seeping from every one of his pores.

4) The Plastic Surgery Clinic is actually located in the 1950s, therefore it’s fine for doctors to make sexually inappropriate comments about their female patients

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5) Ali communicated using only his eyes

This week Ali was like a waxwork model – all open mouth, sad eyes and bewildered expression. We knew Ali was feeling emotional because his eyes blinked really quickly when he called off his wedding, professed his love for Lucy and was disowned by his family. It was all worth it though, because Lucy taught him how to pash like a man.

Just don’t stand next to an open flame Ali, we don’t want you to melt.

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6) Chris struggles with the modern world

This week, Chris tried to turn on the television. Next week, he’ll attempt to make toast.

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7) Nicole feels something in her waters

Something weird is going on with Patrick and Jemima, and Nicole won’t rest until she finds out what it is. Why does Patrick pretend to be so nice? Why does Jemima cry all the time? Why are Patrick’s shoes so bright you need sunglasses to look at them?

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Here’s another mystery to solve, Nicole: how does a subset of temporary characters rate lower in this week’s power rankings than a man trying to turn a on a television? Answer: blame Patrick’s alarming combo of business shirt and sneaks.

8) Finn channels Mr T

“I pity the fools who let you down,” Finn flirted with Lucy. “Now quit your jibba-jabba.“

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Shortland Street airs 7pm weekdays of TV2, click here to catch up on TVNZ Ondemand

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