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Pop CultureJune 12, 2018

A play-by-play reaction to the E3 Kingdom Hearts 3 trailer

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The new trailer for the much-anticipated latest entry in the Final Fantasy/Disney crossover series Kingdom Hearts premiered at E3 today. Sam Brooks tries to make sense of it.

If you’re not familiar with Kingdom Hearts, good god, why are you starting now? You’re sixteen years too late. Trying to understand this series at this point is like trying to understand hieroglyphics through the senses of taste and scent alone. It’s possible, but why on earth would you try and do it this way?

But if you’re not familiar and intend to read on, this is a brief round-up: Kingdom Hearts is a series that started sixteen years ago as a crossover between Final Fantasy and Disney. It combined the anime-inspired storylines of a Final Fantasy with the world of Disney. You played an original character, Sora, who is joined on his journey by Donald and Goofy. You then platform through worlds of various Disney films (the first game included Tarzan, Alice in Wonderland, Aladdin, Pinnochio, The Little Mermaid) in an attempt to rescue the Princesses of Heart from the forces of Darkness. Things get nuts. Like, proper David Lynch and sometimes even David Cronenberg nuts.

The series has become increasingly complex (read: completely nonsensical) in the sixteen years since, and now includes time-travel, more protagonists that you can count, more original characters than Disney characters, and definitely more Disney characters than Final Fantasy characters. Each entry only serves to raise more questions, with seemingly no intention of resolving anything.

Despite this, the series is still wildly popular, and the debut of a new trailer (and confirmation of a release date: January 29, 2019 y’all!) is a big deal for the fans of the series.

Those fans include me. These are my reactions.

0:04 – Oh yes, I am incredibly here for this! This is Kingdom Hearts indulging fully in the mad-libs noun and adjective nonsense that made it famous.

How are you meant to read this? Is it mad-libs? Right-to-left, down-to-up, diagonally, in a spiral? How does light gather something together, let alone hearts? This is the most Kingdom Hearts sentence possible, and I am here for this bullshit.

0:13 – Elsa! From Frozen! Holy shit. Does she sing ‘Let It Go’? Why not? Because it’d cost a lot to license it, probably? Even though Disney owns half of Kingdom Hearts? But does it own Idina Menzel’s voice? Would they have to pay her more? Why not just use the Demi Lovato voice? Disney executive reading this, please response to me.

0:24 – Go away, Olaf. Unpopular opinion: Olaf sucks. I want him and his dumb marketable face to go away.

0:35 – Elsa uses ice magic, and Sora is impressed. This is despite Sora having seen many, many people use many, many different kinds of magic throughout the entire Kingdom Hearts series. Including himself! Sora, you’re dumb.

0:45 – “Control it? No, all I ever do is hurt people.” Classic Elsa, well done Kingdom Hearts for nailing the fact that outside her one big song that Elsa is a total killjoy.

0:52 – Here for this snowboarding crap.

0:59 – He’s summoning Simba in the world of Frozen, which I think is technically our own world but with ice magic, the weird trolls that everybody forgets and catchy little pop songs! This is Kingdom Hearts fanfiction at its finest. What other mash-ups are possible? Answer: A lot. Kingdom Hearts is fanfiction if fanfiction had a multi-multi-multi-million dollar budget.

1:03 – Sora begins his descent into alcoholism, with the help of kitchen rat Ratatouille of the criminally underrated Pixar film Ratatouille. Seriously, it’s one of their best, and it’s insane that it isn’t regarded alongside Toy StoryUp or The Incredibles. 

1:11 – Wreck-It Ralph. This is where the world of Kingdom Hearts gets confusing, if you decide to start thinking about it with any sense of logic.

Let me explain: The world of Wreck-It Ralph is essentially a big huge crossover thing of all video games, including cameos from Sonic, Mario, Street Fighter, Pac-Man, PaperBoy, and dozens of others. The world of Wreck-It Ralph is now a part of the Kingdom Hearts world but does this mean that Kingdom Hearts, the video game, exists in Wreck-It Ralph, the world, and therefore there’s a weird existential loop that means that one does not exist without the other. We do not have a Kingdom Hearts world without a Wreck-It Ralph world, and do not have a Wreck-It Ralph world without the insane and canon-crossing world of Kingdom Hearts?

Which came first? Kingdom Hearts or Wreck-It RalphKingdom Hearts did, obviously. It was made in 2002, whereas Wreck-It Ralph came out a full ten years later. But it makes you (me) think.

Anyway, Wreck-It Ralph the character is in this game. Rejoice.

1:14 – Tangled is in this game! I love TangledTangled is better than Frozen, funnier, and has better songs. I will not enter into debate on this subject.

1:19 – Sora has weird animal claw feet, which I’m sure will make the furries that inevitably and maybe obviously love this series happy. Also, Monsters Inc is in this game.

1:20 – Gummi Ship crap, which they insist on putting into this series for no good reason. In case you wanted to play an on-rails arcade shooter in your Final Fantasy/Disney crossover series. Man, remember when there used to be Final Fantasy characters in these games? How lucky we all were.

1:29 – “Still Sora, that doesn’t mean you should change. Accept the power you’re given. Find the hearts joined to yours.”

Gibberish. Absolute beautiful anime gibberish.

1:35 – The obligatory Utada Hikaru song starts up.

Now, this is my favourite insane part of the numbered Kingdom Hearts games (of which there are two, soon to be three, and there’s about eight non-numbered games, unless you count the games which are numbered like 358/2 Days, but not part of the main series). For each of these main numbered games, Utada Hikaru has provided an adult contemporary ballad about a relationship. This does not relate to the theme, content or style of the Kingdom Hearts series at all.

You know how Celine Dion did that kind of beautiful and actually great song for Deadpool 2 as a joke? Like that, except deadly serious.

So at this point of the trailer, Utada Hikaru’s song for this game, ‘Don’t Think Twice’ starts up. I like the song. I will buy it on iTunes. I will cry when the orchestral version plays over the end credits of Kingdom Hearts 3. We all have our curses, and our burdens.

1:40 – Mickey everloving Mouse.

1:57 – Hercules! From the film Hercules. Because if there’s anything the Kingdom Hearts series loves more than Utada Hikaru films, it is stretching the fairly loose canon of the Disney Hercules out for multiple films while avoiding branching out into, you know, actual Greek mythology.

2:03 – The pig from Toy Story 3, you guys!!!!!

2:14 – Someone from Organisation XIII.

What is Organisation XIII, nobody asked?

Organisation XIII is a group of thirteen powerful Nobodies who seek to reclaim their hearts and become whole again

What is a Nobody, also nobody asked?

A Nobody is what remains of those who have lost their hearts to the Darkness.

Wait, ‘Darkness’, as in, capitalised?

Yes! In the Kingdom Hearts series, Darkness is not just a concept but a real thing, which causes the loss of people’s hearts if they are consumed too much by it. They then become Heartless.

What is a Heartless, I hear a third Nobody (get it?) ask?

A Heartless is a physical, living manifestation of the Darkness within someone’s heart.

The Kingdom Hearts series is very, very stupid and I love it like I love a bad boyfriend.

2:20 – Just gonna transcribe the dialogue, such as it is, directly. They’re from different scenes, but I can guarantee you they probably make even less sense in context:

“Roxas does exist, his heart’s inside my heart.”

“For the virtual world to be completely realised, Ansem the Wise would’ve included Roxas’ full data in the construction.”

Those are definitely all words, but I don’t necessarily understand them in that order or that context.

2:49 – AQUA GOT NORTED.

To explain:

Xehanort is the main villain of the Kingdom Hearts franchise. His entire plan is to start a war between the forces of Light (the good people, unsurprisingly) and the forces of Darkness. Aqua is one of the three protagonists of Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep, a prequel to the Kingdom Hearts series and a key part of the plot, but still not a numbered sequel. This is the game in which we find out the background behind Xehanort’s plan. Birth by Sleep ends with Aqua sacrificing herself for her friends, Ventus and Terra, and trapping herself in the Dark Realm.

(You can play this story in Kingdom Hearts 0.2: Birth by Sleep – A Fragmentary Passage, which you can only play if you bought the compilation game Kingdom Hearts HD 2.8 Final Chapter Prologue. I am making none of this up, and I fear for the person whose brain did have to make all this up.)

The term ‘norted’ was coined by fans to describe the process in which Xehanort separates himself to put into each member of the forces of Darkness. So like horcruxes, essentially. In order to achieve this, he uses time travel, he hijacks people’s bodies, or does any number of things that I just… can’t explain here because my brain can only take so much.

In any case, a key way to tell if someone has been ‘norted’ is they have white hair and yellow eyes.

In this scene, we see that Aqua has white hair and yellow eyes.

She has been norted. This is a big deal.

2:51 – AXEL AND KAIRI!

Axel is a Nobody, but also he killed his Heartless, so he found his Heart, but so now he’s a real person again.

Kairi is just a person who can use a keyblade. What’s a keyblade? A sword with a key.

I’m going to play the shit out of this dumb game and I will understand exactly none of it.


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L-R: Coach Smoke of Machete Clan, Saski, Roy Irwin
L-R: Coach Smoke of Machete Clan, Saski, Roy Irwin

PartnersJune 12, 2018

The weird and wonderful NZ artists who’ve topped a million Spotify streams

L-R: Coach Smoke of Machete Clan, Saski, Roy Irwin
L-R: Coach Smoke of Machete Clan, Saski, Roy Irwin

Though most Kiwi artists who rack up big numbers on Spotify are chart-topping stars, some remain stubbornly unknown. Gareth Shute investigates the odd paths NZ acts have taken to get to a million Spotify streams.

In a small country like New Zealand it’s difficult to get to a million streams on Spotify unless you’re a local chart-topper (think Six60 or DRAX Project) or an act who’s made a significant impact overseas through touring (like Aldous Harding or Fazerdaze). Yet there is still the odd unknown act that gains traction simply through having a particularly catchy or unusual song – and it’s a method that can take them surprisingly far.

A perfect example is the humorous (if offensive) rap crew from Whanganui, Machete Clan. Their breakthrough track, ‘On The Rark’, is an ode to partying for days straight, filled with references to every drug under the sun and jokes about sheep shagging. Its rise to 1.1 million Spotify streams caught beatmaker Murderbeats by surprise. “Machete has never had a feature or anything to boost it, apart from the relentless party scene and close youth of Wanganui taking the rark everywhere they go.

“I guess the first time I realised ‘On the Rark’ was blowing up was hearing stories from people outside of our network asking friends about us like we were infamous.”

Muderbeats says the song’s success was propelled by the mystery of Machete. “Are they five crack-heads? Is this a pisstake or is this a new wave of careless music? Is hip-hop dead? Machete Clan is all produced and recorded in my bedroom, so we have a filthy, homemade and home-killed taste to our music. The songs are full of Wangaz slang and references which really capture the binge drinking sessions and rarks that take place every weekend.”

As the song was shared across the country, a small but passionate Machete Clan fanbase formed in every major city; the crew embarked on a nationwide tour in February this year, alongside Whanganui metal band DRXNES which features Murderbeats on guitar. Rapper Coach Smoke was stunned by the reaction. “I literally can’t remember a third of this year because of that fucking tour,” he says. “We have a song that is so absurd that all it takes is one listen for you to figure out we rark so hard you’d be an idiot to miss the show. The rark is a magnetic force that holds New Zealand together and brings people from all walks of life to our show 24 bottles deep and we are more than happy to keep the fuel pumping. We also had a loyal contingent from Rotorua who followed us around in a house bus and got kicked out of every city.”

Machete Clan at San Francisco Bathhouse, Wellington (photo: Tom Pringle)

Being hometown heroes also gave an early boost to the bands profiled in The Spinoff’s story about the ‘new Dunedin Sound’, notably Gromz and Marlin’s Dreaming – the main difference being that it was overseas streams that eventually pushed their songs past the million mark. Getting overseas streams via popular playlists has now become a common aim of local musicians, one that is often achievable even without major label backing.

Take for example Auckland audio-engineers-turned-pop-act The Map Room, whose ‘Hold Me Up To The Sun’ is at 1.3 million streams after being featured in the ‘Chilled Roots’ playlist (48k followers) and a long run in ‘Chilled Afternoon’ (22k followers). Meanwhile Christchurch husband-and-wife duo The Terrible Sons have had their track ‘Tears Don’t Fall’ reach 6.6 million (they’re still on the ‘Your Favourite Coffeehouse’ playlist, which has 169k followers).

If you dig a little deeper, you’ll find there are plenty of other genre-specific playlists that can help propel you to a million streams, even if the music you make is far outside the pop world. Spotify is always in need of new ambient tracks (it’s even been accused of manufacturing its own) and so local composer Levi Patel’s dreamy track ‘And She Translated Into The Sky’ has filled this niche (reaching 1.5 million streams via playlists like ‘Sleep’). Kaylee Bell, the pop-country star originally from Waimate, has also had an extended life online. Her track ‘Next Somebody’ is currently on ‘Fresh Country’ (24k listeners) and looks certain to join her 2013 track ‘Getting Closer’ in surpassing a million streams.

Roy Irwin (Photo: Amber Star)

One of the most out-of-the-blue placements was Roy Irwin’s appearance on an official playlist created to coincide with the series Stranger Things called Jonathan’s Outsider Looking In‘. Irwin’s first indication that his track ‘Demon’s Cave’ was taking off was when his distributor emailed to say he’d been added to the huge playlist ‘Ultimate Indie’, with its 1.8 million subscribers. 

“It was fun watching the numbers go up by 10,000 or more on a daily basis,” he says, “but it didn’t affect me in any way creatively. By the time ‘Demon’s Cave’ was going crazy on Spotify, it was already four years since it was written and recorded. So by that time I was totally done with that song. Another reason it didn’t faze me too much was the fact that, yeah it’s got 2.2 million plays – but 1.5 million [of those] plays were probably just background noise in some annoying cafe. Digital music is really disposable for that reason.”

Over in the world of contemporary Christian music, there’s Auckland ‘folk psalmist’ Strahan whose 2012 track ‘Deliverance’ is now at 1.9 million streams, mainly through listeners in Dallas, Atlanta, Chicago, Houston, and LA. Another overseas-based success story is the acoustic duo Beeches from Mount Maunganui, who had a breakthrough with ‘We Don’t Know,’ which has gained 2.1 million streams via fans in Melbourne, London, Sydney, New York and LA.

Saski (Photo: Supplied)

But if we’re talking acts that are successful while remaining unknown at home, it’s hard to go past Saski. A New Zealander now based in San Francisco, her first break came through 2016 track ‘Faking Bright’ which she released while still living in Auckland. “It began on Soundcloud on the ‘Your Secret’ playlist, which from the onset received a fair amount of plays, then it naturally graduated to Spotify,” she says.

The song was then picked up by ‘Dope: The Playlist’ which had around 400,000 followers at the time. “Then, by fate, at the very start of 2018, Pigeons and Planes featured it,” she says. “I was actually on my own Facebook page, scrolling down and happened to spot a familiar photo on a Pigeon and Planes post, which was of me, and they were talking about ‘Faking Bright’! Then a week later Matt Wilkinson from Beats1 emailed me to feature the song on his radio show. From there the song snowballed onto a bunch of other playlists, landing on some with over a million followers. So pretty neat! And a very organic experience. Especially because when you manage yourself and work full time, it can be hard to chase up blogs and take on that whole side of the music business.”

In 2017, Saski moved to the US both to work and pursue her music career. Despite her fanbase now being based primarily in the US, she credits the New Zealand music industry with supporting her once she’d had her first big breakthrough. “While working in Auckland I began to meet producers and managers, as well as A&Rs for a few different labels. From there, I set up writing sessions for myself with whoever was keen to work with me. It ended up being a very successful couple of sessions, which provided me with two NZ on Air funding rounds. If I didn’t have that support, I honestly wouldn’t be able to continue as I have been. So huge shout out to NZ on Air! People I meet overseas are always amazed when I tell them how our government provides such support for their artists.”

In the meantime, ‘Faking Bright’ has risen to 3.8 million streams, while her latest single (‘Independent’) is already at a half a million and counting despite her having no manager or major label backing (like many of the acts mentioned here, Saski distributes her work through New Zealand’s largest independent aggregator, DRM).

And there are plenty more artists who are sitting at 900k, ready to join Saski in the one million club: ‘Froyo’, the collab between rapper Hans. and US singer/YouTube star Clairo; ‘You’re So Cool’ by Jonathan Bree; ‘Here to Stay’ by 11-year-old singer General Fiyah (who made his name with Three Houses Down), Israel Starr’s ‘Long White Cloud’ (though let’s not get stuck on reggae or we’ll be here all day). Not to mention the run of successes associated with the Cinco Cine Film Production Company – most notably Maimoa’s ‘Wairua’ which is now at 1.7 million streams (beaten in the te reo stakes only by ‘Poi E’).

So what do all of these big streaming numbers add up to? No doubt some cynics will be thinking, ‘So what? Spotify only pay peanuts to artists anyway.’ But the royalty rates in New Zealand are actually higher than elsewhere in the world. The reason for that is interesting: streams from paid Spotify accounts result in a higher payout and New Zealand has a lot more premium members per capita than many countries due to Spark’s relationship with Spotify (full disclosure: our music section is sponsored by Spark).

More importantly, online streams are only one element that make a musician successful; in most cases they’ll also need revenue from other sources (live shows, ad syncs, TV placements etc) to make a living.

Roy Irwin might’ve got a few decent payouts from streaming, but he remains realistic about how far that kind of success can take you: “I get nice messages from fans all over the world which inspire me to continue doing what I love doing. Sometimes they also buy art and records from me. It’d be nice if more people actually bought records directly from me or 1:12 Records because then I get to eat better and make rent and bills more comfortably, and 1:12 Records get to cover their costs for producing the records faster.

“I do get some royalties every so often for digital plays which is nice and helpful, and ‘Demon’s Cave’ was licensed for a Snapchat advert and for an upcoming movie called Hearts Beat Loud. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful for these opportunities, but considering the budgets that these companies have and the fact they are worth billions of dollars they don’t really pay a lot in the big scheme of things. I live week-to-week and sometimes day-to-day.

“Sorry to anyone who wants to try to make music for a living for these really uninspiring answers, but it’s the truth. If you’re not making music for yourself, then you are going to have a bad time.”


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