A comprehensive ranking of every chocolate milk widely available in this fine dairy-loving land.

Few beverages inspire as much unhinged passion as chocolate milk. It’s nostalgic and comforting, a treat you can chug after the gym or while hiding in your car outside the supermarket. In Aotearoa, our shelves are packed with contenders: dairy staples, protein shakes, oat imposters and premium collabs designed to make you feel fancy while slurping sugar.

To separate the delicious from the undrinkable, we gathered every chocolate milk we could find and judged each one according to a strict criteria: Taste (40%), texture and mouthfeel (20%), drinkability (15%), packaging and presentation (10%), value (10%), and availability (5%). We did the work so you don’t have to, although we do recommend trying the top three for yourself (and steering clear of the bottom two like your life depends on it).

16. Tararua Dairy Co. Protein Hit

 $4.50 for a 600ml bottle.

Their dips are good but their protein chocolate milk? The world wouldn’t be any worse off without it. Unfortunately, it tastes like an expired chocolate protein shake – which, if we’re being honest, aren’t great even when they’re fresh. While the texture is nice and it’s high in protein (42g in a bottle), that’s about all this milk has going for it. The bottle also looks like a massive turd?

15. Bickfords Iced Chocolate Almond Milk

$4.15 for a 500ml bottle.

Going by the packaging alone, I had mixed expectations for this dairy alternative chocolate milk. Would it be a decadent, velvety dream of milk I could swim in, or would it be an offensive example of why chocolate milk should be left to dairy milk. Unfortunately, it was the latter. It had an unpleasant, slightly bitter dark chocolate flavour. The consistency was watery and it tasted like a weak and cold marae milo the morning after. I probably shouldn’t have even included it tbh but here we are.

14. Anchor CalciYum

$1.59 for a 250ml carton.

It might be our nation’s most well-known dairy brand with over 130 years of operations, but sadly, all that experience hasn’t enabled Anchor to perfect its below average chocolate milk. Put simply, the taste is uninspiring. While not the worst chocolate milk on the market, it is far from good. It has a sickeningly sweet chocolate milk powder taste and slightly watery consistency. I love their cream and regular cow’s milk but the chocolate flavour gets a fail from me. Perhaps there’s a reason it’s only sold in small cartons at a dirt cheap price.

13. Up & Go Choc Ice

$4.95 for a 500ml bottle.

Yes, I acknowledge this is technically a protein drink. However, it is a chocolate flavoured milk readily available on the market, hence its inclusion. Perhaps it is lucky to be included though, because this shit is god awful. I mean, I couldn’t even finish a few sips. The packaging has never(?) been updated and that shade of blue is not appealing to me. The only kind thing I can say about this milk is that it is the best of the worst ones I tasted. I would not recommend.

12. Otis Oat Milk The Chocolate One

$5.99 for 1L carton.

I didn’t know this milk existed until I stumbled upon it by accident online. It’s only sold in 1L cartons at select Woolworths or in packs of six directly from the manufacturer. Oat milk is usually thick and sweet but this milk had a surprisingly loose consistency and lacked sweetness. It wasn’t nice to drink and had a weird taste, lacking severely in the chocolate department. Props for using 100% New Zealand oats, Fairtrade certified cocoa and being B-Corp certified, but that’s about all this chocolate milk has going for it.

11. Meadow Fresh Quick Brekkie Chocolate

$2.79 for a 250ml carton.

This is what Up & Go wishes it was. It is far better tasting and just as healthy. The milk has an enjoyable mouth feel and thickness. The drinkability of this protein chocolate milk is definitely above average. It is also good value. Being endorsed by New Zealand NBA star Steven Adams (who features prominently on the packaging) definitely adds to its allure. If you need a quick and healthier option for your kids (or you), this is the one I’d recommend. Only available in a 250ml carton.

10. Up & Go Protein Energize Choc Hit

$4.95 for a 500ml bottle.

This “energized” version of Up & Go is significantly better tasting than its non-energized predecessor, though still not amazing flavour wise. The high protein makes it slightly more appealing, but does give it a more protein shake like flavour. Having a slicker black bottle and design also makes this option slightly more attractive to my cis male millennial eyes. Otherwise, it has a great texture and amount of creaminess. But it’s still a long way from the best.

9. Puhoi Valley Real Chocolate

$4.39 for a 300ml bottle.

The first of the good chocolate milks. This one has a rich dark chocolatey taste and is just a bit creamier than the average chocolate milks. While the first couple of sips are great, it becomes cloying quite quickly after that. I would struggle to drink more than a few sips. Puhoi Valley had its Real Chocolate Milk on shelves well before 2014 – back then, it was a bit of a niche favourite, stocked in select supermarkets and known for its rich, dessert-like quality. Given this context, it was a trailblazer in the premium flavoured milk market. However, new competitors, its oversweetness and pricepoint see this milk near the lower end of the top 10 options.

8. Meadow Fresh Calci Strong Choc-o-Block

$6.95 for a 2L bottle.

Before running this test, I thought this milk would be in my top three, if not at number one. However, judging on the batch I had, it almost tastes like banana? The taste of the milk itself reminds me of the bags of Top Milk they used to sell in Kaitāia. This milk teeters on the edge of being sickeningly sweet but is just enough. It did have a slightly powdery aftertaste, which could relate to the fat content or type of cocoa powder it uses. That being said, I could skull two litres of this milk quite easily. It’s not the best, but it is pretty good.

7. Oak Chocolate

$6.99 for a 500ml bottle.

This chocolate milk surprised me. Before this ranking, I could not remember ever trying it. Produced by Lactalis Australia, it features the iconic Oak branding we’ve become accustomed to seeing on cans of tinned fruit or baked beans. Despite looking like its branding hasn’t been updated since the 1980s, this milk slaps. It has a rich and strong milk chocolate flavour but is not overly sweet. My first sip was slightly grainy in the mouth and the texture could be slightly thicker and creamier, but it’s not far off. Would buy again.

6. Lewis Road Creamery Fresh Chocolate Milk + Lewis Road Creamery Fresh Lactose Free Chocolate Milk

$4.85 for a 300ml bottle.

I think we all remember the hype this milk caught when it came out. The packaging, the collaboration, the taste. People were lining up outside supermarkets to buy this chocolate milk in bulk and reselling it on TradeMe for a ridiculous profit. If you had a bottle, you definitely put it on your socials. Its partnership with Whittaker’s chocolate was pure genius. The combination of the two premium New Zealand brands arguably revolutionised the premium flavoured milk industry. It is unsurprisingly very chocolatey and rich. While the taste and texture is amazing, it is far too rich to drink more than a few sips at a time. The Lewis Road Creamery Fresh Lactose Free Chocolate Milk tastes exactly the same, hence why I have combined the two.

5. Primo Chocolate Supremo

$4.99 for a 500ml bottle.

The Kiwi classic. The OG. If you have never tried Primo, then you probably aren’t a real New Zealander. When I think of chocolate milk, I think Primo. Was there another brand back in the day? Well I don’t remember it. This milk is chocolatey but not overly-indulgent. When you want chocolate milk, Primo never fails to hit the spot. Not too sweet and 4.5 star health rating?!? Primo is highly drinkable. I could skull a big bottle of this without issue.

4. Drink Da Milgy Chocolate Milk

$5.00 for a 450ml bottle.

At first sip, this milk tastes eerily similar to Primo. However, it’s more drinkable due to not being as sweet (despite weirdly having more sugar in it than Primo). Great consistency and texture in the mouth. Simple, modern packaging and design. The new kid on the block has been selling out in Woolworths across Auckland, which – alongside Sumthin Dumplin and Pho Kitchen – is the only place you can find it, if you’re lucky. I visited three different supermarkets and couldn’t find any available stock. This is expensive milk but it is worth forking out for, especially if you want to support New Zealand’s only fully Pasifika-owned milk company.

3. Little Island Creamy Chocolate

$4.70 for a 380ml bottle.

It’s creamy, it’s chocolatey, and it’s made from coconut milk. I accidentally stumbled across this milk late in the judging process and boy am I glad that I did. Probably the most delicious chocolate flavour out of all of the milks on this list. The fairly traded cocoa dances across the palate. You can taste the coconut flavour from the coconut cream, but it’s not overpowering. My only criticism is that the consistency is just a bit watery. Otherwise, this is elite chocolate milk.

2. So Good Chocolate Oat

$4.99 for a 1L carton.

Probably the biggest surprise of the ranking. Two alternative milks in the top three?!? Trust me, I am as shocked as you, but this is great chocolate milk. Oat milk is naturally sweet and creamy and this is no exception. It has a delicious chocolate flavour and is a dreamy thick and velvety consistency. The chocolate almost reminds me of Cadbury cocoa powder (yum) but is slightly stronger in cocoa taste. The carton also suggests heating it up in the microwave for an instant hot chocolate? Yes please. Also very competitively priced for how good it is.

1. Nippy’s Iced Chocolate

$4.49 for a 500ml carton.

Alic “Nippy” Knispel and his family started selling juice in Adelaide, Australia, in the 1960s. It isn’t clear exactly when the business ventured into flavoured milks, but we should all be forever grateful it did. This is god tier chocolate milk. If you have never skulled a big carton of Nippy’s in two gulps, I don’t know if we can be friends. Some of my fondest memories include going to the Kauriland Superette in Glen Eden and smashing a Big Ben’s steak and cheese alongside a large carton of chocolate Nippy’s. It’s everything you want in chocolate milk. The flavour perfectly traverses on the edge of being overly sweet. The texture has just the right amount of creaminess. Timeless branding featuring a Nippy’s chocolate milk in a glass with shaved chocolate, and chocolate blocks in the background all form part of the iconic Nippy’s brand. Once sold exclusively in the iconic cardboard cartons, you can now also purchase it in a plastic bottle – though it doesn’t quite hit the same. This is chocolate milk at its finest.