Madeleine Chapman introduces a new Spinoff series on etiquette.
I love rules. In such an enduring and intense way that I am now actually trying to love them less. To me, rules provide necessary parameters within which I can live my life however I like. No matter the situation, if everyone knew the rules, we’d all be fine (was my thinking). It made me an embarrassing nark as a child and now someone who gets irrationally annoyed when people don’t follow understood rules. Don’t indicate when you’re driving? Jail. Don’t hold the door open for people walking behind you? Jail. Wear your shoes on the couch? Jail.
So it is perhaps a surprise to no one that The Spinoff is launching a brand new occasional series, The Spinoff guide to life. The Spinoff guide to life will be a series of how-tos designed to make the lives of those around you better. This guide technically won’t improve your own life at all. It’s a how-to series to teach everyone not to be that guy. Because sometimes there are random unwritten rules that no one told us and we only find out about them in an embarrassing way. For example, I found out it’s uncouth to take your own food into a cafe when I pulled out a packet of Tim Tams to eat with my cup of coffee and my colleague gasped.
Our whole world manages to not collapse (just) because there’s an understanding that people will follow the rules. Sometimes they can be overpoliced, sure, but even places that supposedly have no rules inevitably turn out to be full of them (they’re usually just different to the ones we expect). The Spinoff guide to life will seek to fill you in on all the basic etiquette you never learned as a kid, because New Zealand doesn’t yet have an agreed-upon etiquette. Travel to other countries and you’ll know very quickly to always take your shoes off, or to never wear a hat inside or sit on a table. Here, most non-European families would do this but it’s certainly not universal.
So we’re embarking on a very slow journey to piece together an etiquette guide befitting the country we all live in today.
First up: how to shit when you’re not at home. It’s a thing we all do and it’s a thing so many people do weirdly. Gabi Lardies has laid the ground rules for being a courteous shitter in a public space. We’re starting at the literal bottom and working our way up. We’ll discuss splitting the bill at restaurants, bringing gifts to someone’s home, how to be a good car passenger on a road trip, when to say something after someone has experienced a loss, how long is too long to leave an email hanging, and much much much more. You may not agree with all us every time but them’s the rules.
If you have an etiquette question or suggestion, let us know and we’ll add it to our list. Good luck out there.
This week’s episode of Behind the Story
Staff writer Gabi Lardies has been to plenty of radical left gatherings in her time. But despite her enthusiasm for the causes, she’s found herself increasingly disillusioned with the results, or lack thereof. Last week, Gabi headed along to yet another meeting of Auckland’s radical leftists to report from the inside and see if this time would be any different.The result is a gentle yet illuminating portrait of radical groups, regardless of the lean.
Gabi joins me this week to talk about experiential reporting, writing about your own communities and finding inspiration in a cold community hall.
So what have readers spent the most time reading this week?
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- A single mum of three who “will skimp on everything where possible” explains how she gets by for this week’s Cost of Being.
- Anna Rawhiti-Connell compares and contrasts declining birth rates and the changing New Zealand household with the political urge to pitch to “Kiwi mums and dads”.
- Duncan Greive (with help from Liam Rātana) details the ten revelations in this year’s NZ on Air Where Are the Audiences survey.
- In the battle between Wellington mayor Tory Whanau and transport minister Simeon Brown, Joel MacManus outlines why both are winners.
- Jamie Tahana explains why Kiingi Tūheitia’s death seems a particularly heavy blow.
Comments of the week
“Focussed is yuck. Foul. Repulsive. Although both are technically acceptable it should always be focused.” Endorsed by me and Spinoff deputy editor Alice Neville.
“Lining the bowl with toilet paper as you mention does reduce the likelihood of skiddies as well as muffling any bomb landings. An immediate interim flush to get rid of the initial bulk will limit smell.”
Pick up where this leaves off
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