It’s a struggle to like either of the creeps who locked horns in the High Court, but the measure of the winner’s character will be in how he spends the damages, writes Toby Manhire
The Hollow Men was turned into a stage play. Secret Power was adapted into a visual art spectacular. And now another of Nicky Hager’s books has concluded a new and dramatic lease of life. This time it’s Dirty Politics and this time the theatre is the Auckland High Court.
Lest anyone be unclear: the court case that ended this afternoon with an award of $1.27 million damages to Jordan Williams, who the jury resolved had been defamed by Colin Craig, was strictly a dramatic interpretation of Dirty Politics – in these litigious times it is probably safest to spell things out. It did, however, centre in large part on false claims made in a pamphlet published by the former Conservative Party leader entitled Dirty Politics and Hidden Agendas in a nod to Hager’s book, and the Dirty Politics personnel that paraded through the court – among them the Taxpayers Union boss Williams, controversial PR man Carrick Graham, Cameron Whaleoil Slater and Hager himself – were enough to prompt a heady buzz of déjà vu.
The accursed pamphlet.
Or maybe it is better described as a tribute act to the fever dream of the 2014 election campaign, particularly when you consider that playing out simultaneously in an adjacent court room was the latest instalment in the Kim Dotcom extradition saga. It would hardly have surprised if Julian Assange and Edward Snowden were spontaneously beamed on to the front wall of the High Court.
Jk, if this trial has taught us anything it’s that there is no meaning, hope or God
This was a fairground haunted house of a trial: a spectacle that had you screaming in terror, squirming at the grotesques, yet still wanting more. Hideous sexts. Mawkish poetry. The clumsy, would-be-mysterious Mr X. Elaborate descriptions of massage and kisses. Pompous exhibitions of self-righteousness. For those of us rubber-necking at the comedy-horror circus, it sometimes became possible to overlook the fact that the unwilling individual at the heart of much of the case was Craig’s former press secretary, Rachel MacGregor, who had resigned amid allegations of sexual harassment, and who in the words of Williams’ lawyer had been “dragged into the case”. There was nothing remotely funny to be found in her testimony.
But while there was plenty of reason to sympathise with MacGregor, it’s difficult to see how anyone reading the reports of the trial would be feeling enamoured by either of these unpleasant men who seemed set upon slapping each other with legal fish (note to lawyers: there were not literally any fish).
I didn’t witness any of the trial itself – I was too busy tuning remotely in to the nearby Dotcom-and-co appeal, which I watched every minute of (and when I say every minute I mean the occasional minute) – so am in no position to doubt the jurors’ decision, but it does seem a shame that there is no formal legal remedy that orders a plague on both their houses. Like with locusts and everything.
On the radio this afternoon, the news reader announced the breaking news: “Jordan Williams has been awarded 1.27 million –” she said before pausing, perhaps double-checking her script in surprise, but leaving enough space for me to immediately think, 1.27 million grains of sand or pistachio shells or repeat viewings of the Kim Dotcom appeal livestream or laps of the bucket fountain in a clown suit, or “– dollars.”
The sum, which according to some reports this afternoon may be a record – there is no evidence to suggest damages are to be henceforth pegged to the Auckland house price index – was enough to encourage a few to wonder how they might get defamed, too.
Williams may have won a big payout today, but his character is a long way from unblemished. If he wants to go some way to repairing that, he’ll be thinking seriously about how to divvy up the Craig cash. How about this. A third to Rachel MacGregor. A third to Women’s Refuge. And a third to Poetry in Schools.
Meanwhile, sequels roll around faster than ever these days. If you thought Williams v Craig was a ride, brace yourself for Slater v Craig, coming soon to a courtroom near you.
If these top candidates say something strange, people call them out. Look at Vic Crone. She didn’t want to be drawn into the climate change “debate”. By the next day, she was pleading for mercy on Paul Henry.
Mystery awaits as you descend further into the foaming vat of local democracy. Things start getting weird in the council wards. There are former league coaches. People who believe the Unitary Plan caused the housing crisis. David Rankin. It’s best to use The Spinoff’s Endorsify tool to avoid them. The local boards are even murkier, with climate change deniers and cranks lurking on every page. It’s best to use Generation Zero’s election scorecards to light your way.
But at the furthest reaches of the voting ballot lie the District Health Boards. It is truly a haunted forest; a gloomy and unmappable land. No-one knows any of the candidates. The candidates barely know themselves. The media would rather douse themselves in the bubonic plague than cover the contests. Even that great tsar of local government, Guy Williams, gets confused.
The vacuum of information makes it difficult for even the smartest voter to make good choices.
This kind of decision-making is how you end up with your hospitals being run by tinfoil tophat-wearing weirdos who believe bathing in dog hair will cure psoriasis, or anti-science quacks who read a few articles on vaccinesarebad.com and act like they have 14 PHDs in immunology. Without information, quackery is allowed to flourish like bacteria in a sweaty shoe.
Other candidates we name are even more deeply embedded in medical make-believe – homeopaths and alternative medicine practitioners. Others just threw up a few red flags in their blurbs, using words like “chiro”, “homeo”, “alternative”, “complementary” and “natural”.
QUACK. PHOTO: ISTOCK
To be clear, it’s not terrible to believe in natural medicine or alternative therapies – but if you do believe in that stuff, you probably shouldn’t be sitting on a health board making decisions about the future of modern medicine. Our aim is to inform you, the voter, so you can help stop a few anti-science candidates infiltrating DHBs, like salmonella sneaking into a stomach on a slab of aging pork.
Auckland DHB
Anti-fluoride Adam Amos
Quack alert Mary-Anne Benson-Cooper is a company director of Edmarhealth, which promotes Waitemata DHB candidate Edward Benson-Cooper’s chiropractic clinic.
Bay of Plenty DHB
Anti-fluoride Yvette Lamary Hylton Rhodes
Quack alert Hylton Rhodes seems exceptionally opposed to fluoride. He starts his profile with “I am strongly opposed to possible future fluoridation of the Tauranga City Council water supply” and ends it with “Keep fluoride out of the city water.”
DON’T WANT TO READ MORE.
Canterbury DHB
Anti-fluoride Andy Dickerson Ken May Grant Miller Kelly Dugan Don Church Richard E Roe Anna Crighton Sue James
NOTE: Christchurch is the only place in the country that currently has nothing added to its water. Anti-fluoride candidates here may be taking that stance for more legitimate reasons, such as the potential cost of the change.
Quack alert Richard E Roe is a practicing chiropractor who loves something called “functional medicine” and doesn’t much care for our “pharmaceutical-driven medical system”. Alert! Alert! Beware.
Meanwhile, Don Churchis more passionately anti-fluoride than most of his fellow candidates, so maybe don’t vote for him.
Capital and Coast DHB
Anti-fluoride Paul Douglas Tavita Filemoni Dr Stan Litras Kathryn Adams
Quack alert Stan Litras is more vehement than your average anti-fluoride campaigner. His opposition to fluoride may actually be the main reason he’s standing for the DHB.
Helene Ritchie was originally listed as anti-fluoride based on info from the Public Health Association of New Zealand. However she told Fluoride Free NZ she “doesn’t know” whether fluoride should be added to water, and would make her decision based on evidence.
@HonestUniverse Interesting. Kath Adams wants a quid each way – opposed fluoride in FFNZ’s survey but supported it in Public Health Assc’s pic.twitter.com/BVT1tUjfEy
Anti-fluoride Marita Walters Tricia Cheel Sue Alexander
Quack alert Tricia Cheel is very anti-fluoride, but she’s also so much more. Cheel is a homeopath who’s been censured by the Advertising Standards Authority for making misleading therapeutic claims. She’s against just about everything that science has ever touched, from 1080 to genetic engineering. In a statement to Fluoride Free NZ, she claims drinking fluoride-infused tap water has made her sick for decades. “I suffered the toxic effects from fluoride for 35 years, all the while wondering what was wrong with me until I suddenly stopped drinking Auckland’s tap water altogether in October 2012 which resulted in a tremendous improvement in my health and well being,” the statement says.
As an aside, Cheel is part of the STOP ticket. All the STOP candidates are handily listed here. If there are any in your ward, don’t hesitate to not vote for them.
Sophia Xiao-Colley runs an acupuncture clinic called Desan Health and likes to use the word “holistic”, which can sometimes be a warning sign.
South Canterbury DHB
Anti-fluoride Paul Annear Peter Binns
Quack alert Rachel Tomkinson claims she healed her daughter’s allergies “simply by heeding to common sense foods that have not been adulterated for the sake of profit and greed”. Her Better Bods business offers extremely questionable treatments, including something called a “faith detox”. Its homepage features the amazingly bad quote: “I have learnt once you know the truth, our modern diseases become a choice.” Probs not someone you want running your health service.
Southern DHB
There’s no election here this year, as the board is being run by a commissioner. But we had to post this amazing response to Fluoride Free NZ from Invercargill mayor Tim Shadbolt.
Tairawhiti DHB
Anti-fluoride Marijke Warmenhoven
Quack alert Here’s Marijke Warmenhoven’s statement to Fluoride Free NZ in all its glory:
“When I was at University I read articles about the use of fluoride by the Germans during WWII to weaken the minds of the people? When I thought about it if fluoride was added to water for health and dental benefits, why wouldn’t all the other required vitamins and minerals be added also, such as calcium or magnesium? If, we really care about dental health in NZ we would limit the production of sugar laden and low nutritional food products available on the market. I am sure there will be real cost savings when they stop fluoridating the water!”
Wow.
Taranaki DHB
Anti-fluoride Brien John Bennett David Showler Alby Jamesy John Lawson Garth Weir
Waikato DHB
Anti-fluoride Macushla Rielly-Oblakor Andrew Buckley Dave Macpherson
He may be joined in his battle by Macushla Rielly-Obiakor: a STOP candidate who vehemently opposes fluoride, and seems to be against science in general. Her background is in “natural health therapies”, which is often used as a euphemism for medicine that doesn’t actually work.
Martin Gallagher was previously on the anti-fluoride list. He got in touch to say he’s not anti-fluoride, and will follow Board policy, which is based on peer-reviewed medical evidence. However Fluoride Free NZ has twice noted that he’s told them he’s opposed to fluoride.
Wairarapa DHB
Anti-fluoride Stephen Butcher
Quack alert Besides opposing fluoride, Stephen Butcher used an animated GIF of someone shooting themself in the head while explaining his suicide policy. He also believes water chlorination causes cancer.
Waitematā DHB
Anti-fluoride Allison Roe Michelle Clayton
Quack alert Allison Roe is a strange case. Her profile calls for DHBs to adopt “complementary therapies”, which are usually only called “complementary” because they don’t work. She’s anti-fluoride, but also seems to be for things like High Dose Intravenous Vitamin C, and is aligned with quackish organisation Health Freedom New Zealand.
Edward Benson-Cooper is a chiropractor. His website claims chiropractic – which is the subject of many claims of quackery – can treat babies for colic, which seems kinda sorta maybe not true.
West Coast DHB
Anti-fluoride Russell Smith Jim Hilton
Quack alert Jim Hilton is a STOP candidate. Don’t vote for STOP candidates.
Jim Hilton, standing for West Coast DHB, is adamantly anti-fluoride and honestly seems anti-science. Running on an anti-“toxins” platform
Anti-fluoride We didn’t find anyone! Go Whanganui!
Quack alert Philippa Baker-Hogan mentions in her statement that her husband, Shaun Hogan, is an osteopath and she is a partner in his osteopathy business Hogan Osteo Plus. The Hogan website claims it’s the only New Zealand provider of the “Fenzian treatment”. ACC assessed that treatment in 2007 and decided there wasn’t enough evidence to claim it’s effective.
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This list is by no means complete. If you have any other leads on potential quacks, please email them to hayden@thespinoff.co.nz
