Just two good reasons to wag school

All the reasons students wag school that aren’t climate activism

In the lead up to the student-led climate strikes, the Spinoff asked its readers for their own reasons for skipping school.

A number of student strikes around climate change will take place all over the country on March 15. Thousands of students have pledged to attend, choosing to voice their thoughts on New Zealand’s climate change action (or lack thereof) instead of attending school for one Friday.

While the strikes have received widespread support, there are those, namely school principals and National and NZ First MPs, who have shared their concerns.

School principals have urged their students to instead hold the strike over the weekend so as not to miss a day of school, perfectly describing the antithesis of a strike.

“We’re concerned that students are wasting good learning time,” said Michael Williams, Secondary Principals Association president and Pakuranga College principal.

The strikes have become a nationwide event, something that students, both attendees and not, will remember for years to come. The Spinoff, operating under the cynical assumption that most adults wagged school at least once, asked its readers to give their reasons for skipping class. Like the students currently planning to strike around climate change, the Spinoff readers remember wagging school for historic events.

Note: all comments are anonymous so that nobody will get in trouble with their teacher.

“To protest French nuclear testing on Moruroa atoll”

“Youth rates protest! 1,000 kids on Queen St, McDs dropped youth rates the next day, the government soon followed”

“Anti-nuclear march. And my teacher was similarly critical of that decision.”

“To watch Days Of Our Lives”

“I had to leave every day at 2pm because Victoria Wood As Seen on TV was on at 2.30pm and I needed to watch it.”

“The Oscars”

“To watch the Olympics”

“Going to the Basin Reserve to watch any random four-day cricket”

“Going to Sesqui at the Wellington Show Buildings”

“To attend court”

“To go to the All Blacks parade to try and hook up with Richard Kahui”

Simon Bridges dismissed the 2019 climate strikes as being simply a reason for students to “muck about”. His prediction for what would unfold was “a couple of chants as they march along and maybe McDonalds or something afterwards.”

Thousands of school children went on strike and did not go to school demanding climate change action in central London. (photo by Kristian Buus/In Pictures via Getty Images)

Businesses are no strangers to wagging students, many of whom forfeited valuable learning time in order to practice consumerism.

“Waiting in line for the Michael Hill jeweller sale”

“Eating snacks from the Asian supermarket at Myers Park, crying in mercury Plaza because my friend wasn’t talking to me”

“KFC”

“To buy the Oasis album ‘Be Here Now’”

“Getting a pie”

“Sex and Burger King. In that order.”

“Go get chicken and chips”

Mike Hosking berated Warehouse Stationery for offering free A2 poster printing at their stores this Sunday. Hosking called the endorsement “a corporate looking to leverage” students’ wagging “to make them look cool with the kids.” For more information on what Hosking is so mad about, including where to get that free printing done, visit here.

Warehouse Stationery isn’t the only business to assist truant students in executing their plans.

“The bottle store down the road from school sold us hip flasks even if we were in uniform.”

The climate strikes will inevitably require its attendees to stand and walk for extended periods, quite the opposite of what most wagging students want to do.

“I wagged so I didn’t have to take part in school athletic days. Hated them.”

“Avoiding cross country and sports day.”

“Sleeping in”

“To get out of the ridiculous all day school singing competition, no one wants to sing Bon Jovi all day”

The main criticism levelled at the students planning to strike is that they just want an excuse to miss school. Here are some other excuses reasons given for missing school.

“Pretty sure I spent about 3 months in my last year just going to school for lunch, and the rest of my days working on dance routines to Blue’s holy shit brilliant album ‘All Rise’ (2001)”

“Have a smoke, talk about pressure cookers”

“I wagged to see my (at the time) dickhead boyfriend” 

“I wagged to play Runescape and listen to emo music”

“I knew I’d fail a biology test and didn’t want to put the teacher through the pain of marking it”

“Depression tbh”

“Riding in cars with boys. Ended up lesbian.”

“Took a full day off to have a Harry Potter Party in the lead up to the midnight premiere of the final movie coming out”

“Wtf did we do? Just talk shit and be teenage girls”

“Spots”

“Had my period.”

“Comforting friends”

“Missed a biology test to go get my nipple pierced”

“I wagged calculus one day with my friends just to drive around the block of the boys high school while listening to TI.”

“Chatrooms”

“Snooker parlour”

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“Sleeping in”

Hundreds of responses to the Spinoff’s wagging query, only one response was correct.

Happy striking.


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