Politicians have pivoted to online video like lions in heat. José Barbosa has trawled through the top five parties’ social media feeds to learn their secrets of going viral. 

The online video space is changing all the time. If you work in this sector, as I do, you better bloody well keep up and prime yourself to be constantly learning new tricks. I can count on my library of at least 34 different ways to do a comedy crash zoom or use out-of-context clips.

I used to take a leaf out of the advertising industry’s play book and just rip off YouTube videos made by kids, but now I’ve found a new game. And anyone who’s serious about staying relevant in the online video world needs to check themselves and get onboard.

Politicians have to engage their audience and if they fail to do that and miss out on parliament, they’re looking at a minimum of three positions on local arts committees – and that’s a horrific way to die. To that end, they’ve mastered all forms of communication, whether it be in person or otherwise. And the last frontier is online video. It’s a mardi gras out there of visiting local shops and nappy manufacturers and earnest pleas from the kitchen to “get New Zealand back on track”.

I became obsessed with learning their codes and ways and as my in-depth video investigation will show you, it’s all about connecting as humans. And the first step in that journey is appearing to be human. It’s crucial, really. If the voters don’t think you are human, they may become confused and not vote for you.

Everything I have learned I have turned into a simple-to-follow, instructional video for any aspiring human person. The results may astound you, it may even bring up yelps of pain, but by the end you will have learnt some of the most secret techniques in the politician’s arsenal. Your humanness awaits.