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Who will win? (Photos: TVNZ / Design: Archi Banal)
Who will win? (Photos: TVNZ / Design: Archi Banal)

Pop CultureMarch 1, 2023

Treasure Island: Fans v Faves rankings, week five: All good things must come to an end

Who will win? (Photos: TVNZ / Design: Archi Banal)
Who will win? (Photos: TVNZ / Design: Archi Banal)

Tara Ward delivers the final power ranking after what might be Treasure Island’s most dramatic week ever.

Jump up and down like the floor is lava, because that was a cracker of an ending to Treasure Island: Fans v Faves. This time last week it seemed inevitable that Art Green and Lance Savali would continue their mad dash to the final three, but the game changed with one wonky throw of a coconut. It happened around the same time Dame Susan Devoy learnt the difference between “big spoon” and “little spoon” – coincidence? I think not. Art Green may have started the week holding all the power, but the final four didn’t give a fork.

Everyone watching this week’s drama (Photo: TVNZ)

Everything went up in flames on Monday night, when Susan and Wardie pulled off the biggest upset in the show’s history, and Suzy D’s plan to hit peak pre-tournament arousal worked a treat. After that came a tough endurance battle that made the balls of my feet hurt simply from watching, plenty of heartfelt moments, and an incredible top three who battled it out in a thriller of a finale, only to discover the treasure was buried in the elimination arena all along.

We should have known Treasure Island would keep us guessing to the very end. Grab your big/little spoon, put your dirty undies on a log and let’s dig up the final power rankings for Treasure Island: Fans v Faves.

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Eliminated: Art Green

Art “my specialty is insects” Green made sparks fly this week, but not in the way he hoped. He’d been the front runner all season, slaying challenges and winning immunities, and he seemed so confident of making the final three that he even clowned around during the elimination challenge. But Art’s grand plan was undone on Monday, first by a lovely bunch of coconuts and then by a slow flame in a fast game. An incredible run, only to be smoked at the final hurdle.

Eliminated: Lance Savali

When aliens return to earth and watch the tapes of Fans v Faves, they won’t talk about the searing gameplay and endless charm Lance gave us this season. They’ll mostly go alien batshit over the unlikely friendship between Lance and Dame Suzy D, which saw both of them in tears after his elimination. It’s only on a wonderfully bonkers show like Treasure Island that you’d see such different people form such a genuine bond, one that lifts the game far beyond the silly challenges and never-ending strategy. More heartwarming than a hand hug, and the sooner these two get their own TikTok account, the better.

Eliminated: Dave Ward

Wardie was the last fan standing, and this week proved his place in the final four was hugely deserved. Sure, he couldn’t chuck his coconuts in the bin when it counted, but who hasn’t had that issue at one time or another? Wardie was a tough competitor who got to live out his reality TV dreams, and we salute him for giving toothpicks the respect they deserve.

Runner up: Lana Searle 

A truly stonking effort from Lana this week, and without her superior coconut chucking skills during the first pair face-off, the final three would have looked very different. A fierce competitor and a true Treasure Island legend.

Runner up: Dame Susan Devoy

Please sign my invisible petition to put Dame Suzy D on every season of Treasure Island for ever and ever, or at least until the ocean returns Josh Kronfeld’s undies to their ancestral homeland. From her unyielding determination to her honest words of wisdom, Suzy D has been both an inspiration and a delight to watch this season. She also said she’d suck Wardie’s toes if she won the finale, so second place might be a happy escape for them both.

Winner: Matty McLean 

Winning Treasure Island is a dream come true for old mate Matty, who battled his own demons all along but refused to give up. It also seems Matty has been secretly training at the Jesse Tuke School of Whippet Running, because the Breakfast presenter fair sprinted down the beach to the treasure like his butt was on fire. Even a thousand time penalties from Susan and Lana’s stones of power couldn’t slow Matty down, and when he finally dug up the treasure, the ghosts of Barbara Kendall’s approval were finally laid to rest. See, Treasure Island? He IS Matty McLean. Don’t mess with him. He’s coming for you.

Treasure Island: Fans v Faves is available to stream on TVNZ+. 

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