spinofflive
At a loss for what to watch on Star? Any of these will keep you roundly entertained.
At a loss for what to watch on Star? Any of these will keep you roundly entertained.

Pop CultureMarch 3, 2021

Ten things you should be watching on Star

At a loss for what to watch on Star? Any of these will keep you roundly entertained.
At a loss for what to watch on Star? Any of these will keep you roundly entertained.

There are 435 films and 155 series on new Disney+ bolt-on service Star – where on earth do you start? Sam Brooks selects some highlights.

What is Star? The short version is that Disney have put a lot of their considerable archival catalogue – movies and series alike – online, and called the service Star. You can read the long version of what’s happening here.

There’s so much to sift through on the service (here’s a full list to prove it) it can be quite overwhelming. Disney has a lot of content in their vaults, running the gamut from beloved multi-season shows (Hill Street Blues, you guys!) to shows you forgot even existed (According to Jim, according to who?) to weird one-season curios that deserved better (Benched and Trophy Wife, gone too soon). You might see a few things that are already on other services, but don’t worry – they’ll still remain in their existing homes at least for the time being, due to the vagaries of licensing agreements.

I thought I’d go through and pick out the best of the best, or at least the things you could watch should you find yourself with a bit more free time over the next few days, for whatever reason.

My So-Called Life

If you want something to blame for the continued fame of Jared Leto, start with a character called Jordan Catalano, the floppy-haired youth who captured the hearts of millions of teenage girls in this cult teen show from the mid ’90s. On the flipside, if we have anything to thank for Claire Danes, it’s a character called Angela Chase, who Danes played just before her Romeo + Juliet breakout. My So-Called Life was a teen drama that didn’t sensationalise teen angst, but actually dealt sensitively with the realities of the teenage experience – first crushes and all. It also features some genuinely tear-jerking moments (the Our Town episode is a killer) and holds up better than 99% of ’90s dramas.

Titanic

The best movie where a gun-toting Billy Zane chases Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio around a sinking boat. A very specific bar to clear, but an important one.

America Ferrara as Betty Suarez in Ugly Betty.

Ugly Betty

Chances are if you’re an Ugly Betty fan, you dove into this mid-aughts comedy the moment that Star arrived. If you’re not, though, let me introduce you to one of the most delightful shows you’ll ever watch. The series is deeper than the title suggests: The awkward, not conventionally attractive, but passionate and wholesome Betty Suarez (America Ferrara) is hired to be the new assistant to the editor of MODE – basically a fictional Vogue. Although her being hired is a set up, she perseveres, and the series ends up being a whip smart, hellishly funny and surprisingly progressive take on both the fashion industry and being a minority in the media. Also, Vanessa Williams delivers high camp better than a gay scoutmaster.

Bob’s Burgers

If there’s any show that could be seen as a victim of its own critical success, it’s Bob’s Burgers. I mean this entirely as a compliment: very few shows, especially animated shows aimed at adults, remain consistent for this long. Even fewer make it this far without delivering a single bad episode. It’s no wonder, either, because the Bob’s Burgers recipe would hold up well in any restaurant. Its set around the titular burger joint, which the mild-mannered Bob runs with his eccentric wife Linda as they parent their three children: hyperactive, aggressive Louise, kind-hearted and clearly gay Gene, and oversexualised, moody Tina. It’s weird, it’s wholesome, but most importantly, it’s just really damn funny.

Bunheads

Palladino hats, unite! You finally now have a place to watch Bunheads, Amy Sherman-Palladino’s post-Gilmore, pre-Maisel show starring Broadway legend Sutton Foster as a Vegas showgirl who moves to a little town and ends up working at her mother-in-law’s dance studio. It only lasted for one season, but the people who watched Bunheads really loved it. I imagine a big part of that is Foster’s incredible on-screen charisma (as fans of the show Younger will attest) and how beautifully she handles the gatling gun pace of Sherman-Palladino’s dialogue.

Another day at the office for Ripley.

The Alien series

Want to get into a long discussion with a nerd? Ask them to rank the Alien films! You won’t be happy about it, but you’ll get a lot out of them. Seriously, though, at least the very first two films in this action-horror franchise are all-timers; the rest are curios at best. Come for Sigourney Weaver’s legendary performances in the first two, stick around for Michael Fassbender’s weirdly touching turn in Covenant, and wonder all the while why it was ever turned into a franchise in the first place, when the main appeal of Alien is so self-contained. Anyway, they’re all here. Go hard.

The X-Files

Before Thatcher, there was Scully, and before Californication, I guess, there was Mulder. Look, you know what The X-Files is. The redhead lady doesn’t believe in aliens exist for 11 seasons, the douchey dude believes in everything, and they have wild chemistry that sustains you through the boring bits. I don’t need to give you the rundown, I’m just telling you it’s there. Fun fact: It’ll take you nine days and two hours to watch the entire thing, so if you want a surefire way to get all the way through level three lockdown (knock on alien wood) then you can do worse than this.

Empire

You can’t say Empire went off the rails, because it was never on the rails. Over five seasons, Empire tells the twisty, wild story of Empire Entertainment, a hip hop label, and the people who run it. Lucious Lyon (Terrence Howard) finds out that he is terminally ill, and he has to pick one of his three sons to control the label after his death. There’s CFO Andre (Trai Byers), singer Jamal (Jussie Smollet) and rapper Hakeem (Bryshere Y. Gray) to pick from. Does it sound like King Lear? A bit, but King Lear didn’t have Taraji P. Henson burning everything to the ground as Empire’s matriarch Cookie Lyon, fresh out of prison after 17 years. Quick note, Will: your work needs more Cookie Lyon.

This is a cop show.

Castle

There are few things more comforting than a reliable procedural, and there’s no more reliable procedural than Castle. The premise is somewhat ludicrous: a crime writer, the titular Castle (Nathan Fillion) shadows a homicide detective, Beckett (Stana Katic) as they solve bizarre crimes. They develop feelings for each other, because what’s more romantic than dead bodies? It’s more funny than it is heavy, thankfully, and the chemistry between the two leads is genuinely off the charts. It won’t change your life, but it will move you forward in time, and isn’t that all we want in lockdown?

A whole lot of action movies

All the Die Hard films. Both Speed movies. Con Air. Air Force One. The Rock. All the Takens. The two Kingsman joints. There’s a lot of top tier (and let’s be honest, bottom rung) action films on Star. Drown out the encroaching madness of isolation with loud explosions, car crashes and Liam Neeson’s impeccable phone manner! They’re all at your fingertips, now go.

Keep going!
Bach

Pop CultureMarch 2, 2021

Holy Moses! Who are the women looking for love on The Bachelor NZ?

Bach

Hot on the heels of the Bachelorette finale, a new season of The Bachelor NZ begins tonight. Tara Ward introduces the women competing for Moses Mackay’s heart.

Last night’s dramatic finale of The Bachelorette NZ may still be ringing in our ears and beating in our hearts, but it’s time to move on. Forget about Lexie and Hamish’s charming love story, because a dramatic new season of The Bachelor NZ is about to begin, featuring the most exciting Bachelor and one of the more diverse casts that the New Zealand franchise has ever had. 

Tonight, singer, actor and new Bachelor Moses Mackay will invite 18 brave women on an emotional journey down the bumpy highway of love. Gird your loins for more roses, romance and raunchy bathtub scenes, because these single women are here to find their happily-ever-after. They’re also here to make life-long friendships and maybe get some good content for the ‘gram, and who can blame them? Last week, I took a picture of a tree and it only got three likes. Imagine if Moses Mackay was sitting in that tree, a rose in one hand and blowing me a kiss with the other? That shit would have gone viral.

Nothing says “romance” better than scouring the official TVNZ bios of these women and power ranking them in a completely pointless and arbitrary way. It’s time to meet the incredible women vying for Moses’s heart, so let’s put our hand on our hip, turn slightly to the right and smile our way into a brand new season of The Bachelor NZ. 


Listen to The Real Pod try to make sense of The Bachelorette NZ final rose ceremony below. Subscribe on Apple PodcastsSpotify or wherever you normally listen to podcasts for more!


18) Steph

Our Steph deserves better than this unjust position on these terrible rankings, but like the Bachelor giving out pashes on a group date, someone has to be first. Steph works as a managing director in Tauranga and loves to travel, and her last three boyfriends were all named Jono. Moses is not named Jono. Make of that what you will. 

17) Freya

Freya is a paediatric nurse looking for a man who’s driven, compassionate and respectful, and Moses is a man who once cut his toenails with a machete on Celebrity Treasure Island. The lovely Freya did not mention anything about nails or machetes in her TVNZ bio, so sadly this can go no further. 

16) Devaney 

Devaney loves new and exciting experiences, which is why she’s come on The Bachelor. I don’t want to spoil anything, but wait until Devaney sees the cheese platters at the Bachelor cocktail parties. Sliced tomato on crackers? Very new, very exciting. Enjoy. 

15) Georgia

Georgia is a PE and health secondary school teacher from Northland. Do they still do the beep test in PE? I bet Moses loves a beep test. Beep beep goes my heart, he’ll say! Running is fun, he’ll say! Good luck, Georgia. 

14) Kate

Kate reckons her best party trick is the splits, but it’s unclear whether she’s referring to bananas (delicious), her sides (painful but hilarious) or the classic flexing of the legs in a near horizontal position (impressive, probably magic). Either way, we need to see Kate’s party trick on every red carpet, rose ceremony and group date. Less small talk, more splits. It’s the only way forward. 

13) Samantha

Samantha is a recruitment specialist who came on The Bachelor as a “last resort” to find love. She also reckons her best party trick is “leaving early and going to bed”, which is an incredible skill that we should all aspire to. Samantha, we salute you. 

12) Amanda

There’s a lot to unpack in Amanda’s incredible bio, like the time she broke her spine during a first date with her landlord and that she’s an expert at rosé champagne pong. The Bachelor loves roses, but does he love a rosé pong, or indeed, a pong of any kind? Fingers crossed. 

11) Kayla

Kayla is a “self-love coach” who bought a “one way ticket to find herself” after a relationship break-up. Kayla sounds charming, but I’ve no idea what a self-love coach is. I even checked my old Dolly magazines from the 90s and it’s not mentioned at all, not even in the special sealed sections. What am I supposed to do now, just stare at my Luke Perry posters until the future reveals itself?

10) Cirrus

National climbing champion Cirrus is a physical trainer who loves adventures and going places. She’s a legend, but why is everyone on this show so obsessed with going places? Why can’t we all just stay home on a one-way ticket to eating the chip crumbs that get stuck down our bras? That’s 100% self-love, right there.

9) Luisa

Look, if Moses doesn’t choose Luisa, then I bloody well will. Luisa brings her family with her on dates, she believes in love at first sight, and she went on the show purely to represent the good people of Invercargill. Best of all, she says her party trick is “snacks”. Be still, my beating heart. 

8) Sabby

Sabby can tie a piece of string with her tongue. Stand down, we have a winner. 

7) Lana

Lana has an impressive CV that includes nursing, parallel parking and a “slightly above average skill” in theatre and dance. Sure, but can she do it all at once? That’s exactly the thing that wins the first impression parallel parking/interpretive dance rose.  

6) Niki

It’s old mate Niki from The Block NZ! It’s old mate Niki the wedding celebrant from MAFS NZ! It’s old mate Niki from Celebrity Family Feud NZ! No stranger to reality TV, Niki’s come on The Bachelor NZ to find a man “in tune with himself”. In an incredible coincidence, the new bachelor is both a SINGER and a RADIO PRESENTER, and probably even likes TUNA!!!! The longer you think about it, the spookier it gets. 

5) Chanel

Chanel came on The Bachelor for an adventure around New Zealand, but honestly, Chanel should look no further than her hometown of Wellington. Has she ever seen the Cuba Mall bucket fountain? It’s a fountain made of buckets! It’s a bucket made of fountains! An adventure in every drop. 

4) Shenae

Shanae is “obsessed with dessert”, a fabulous trait that pushes her straight into the top four, rising to the top like a shiny meringue atop a delicious baked Alaska. Mmm, dessert. 

3) Kimi-Rose 

Kimi-Rose is an Auckland teacher who reckons “you only live once”. She wants a man to laugh and travel with, so if Moses chooses her, they’ll probably spend their days giggling about how they can’t travel anywhere at the moment. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Laughter really is the best medicine. *cries*

2) Negin

Good afterble consternoon and hello to Negin, an Auckland police officer looking for a relationship filled with banter and humour. Negin loves a bit of spontaneity, but so did Dave from The Bachelorette NZ and he ended up eating an entire raw egg on national television. No pressure Negin, but the egg needs to get it.

1) Shivani

Loves hiking, met some gorillas, owns a bach in the Coromandel. Hiking her way straight to the final imo.