H-O-T-T-A-K-E-S-T-O-G-O.
Madeleine Chapman: Let’s go, lesbians, let’s go
Guess who’s returning to Western Springs after vowing never to attend a festival there again because I got too drunk six years ago and got heat stroke and threw up five times in the work toilets the next day. But nothing will stop me from seeing Chappell Roan, which is my god-given right as a lesbian.
Would I have preferred to see her at, gasp, Eden Park? Yes. Spark Arena? Also yes. But Chappell is a festival darling and will put on the show of our lives so I’ll lather on the SPF50 and suck it up this one time.
The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess released two years ago nearly to the day and yet it feels like it has been on repeat for a decade already. No album has come close (imo) to the front-to-back energy of that album, and no sophomore album is as highly anticipated.
Sometimes festivals split themselves in two to cater to completely different audiences and cast the net wide. This year feels more coherent in that most attendees will be happy to see half the lineup on the way to Chappell (Jensen McRae, Lucy Dacus, Wolf Alice and Wet Leg all feel like a perfect run-up).
With only two single releases in the past two years from the headliner – two bangers in ‘The Giver’ and ‘Subway’ – the local lesbos of Aotearoa have been patiently waiting for the chance to sob while screaming “YOU KNOW I HATE TO SAY BUT I TOLD YOU SOOOO” and “SHE GOT SHE GOT AWAAAAYYYY”. In 140 days, catch me doing just that.
Lyric Waiwiri-Smith: Wetting myself over Wet Leg
The most based Laneway lineup in a hot minute. I can already feel the skinny elbows digging into my ribs while I struggle to breathe in the Alex G and Chappell Roan mosh pits – if I make it there at all, because even though the promoters have generously moved the festival to the day before Waitangi Day, I’m not sure they’re aware that Waitangi is a week-long affair. Anniversary Day supremacy! The Māori Laneway fans have struggled enough over the last few years and we deserve to eat.
The best get on this lineup for moi is Wet Leg – their Moisturiser album is one of the standout releases of the year and the thrill of scream-singing “I’ve never been so deep in love!” into the air will be incomparable to anything else I could accomplish this summer. The Yung Lean and Bladee double-bill intrigues me greatly and I hope they do ‘Ginseng Strip 2000’. I’ve never had a bad time watching Mokotron perform. I look forward to ticking “shook ass to ‘Girls’ by The Dare” off my bucket list. And Pinkpantheress will be the perfect opportunity to time how long it takes to stand in line and get a feed.
Duncan Greive: Alex G is for the children – why can’t they see him play?
Less than two years ago, Alex G played the Powerstation. Sold it out, sure – but so could half this exceptional bill. Now his name comes second-only to Chappell’s on this lineup, and while some of that is just the alphabet talking, it’s also point-size related, and he certainly feels like a headliner. For someone who only just put out a major label debut, more than a decade into his highly productive solo career, that is quite an arc. As an artist he sounds like a blend of the best parts of every shambling 90s/00s indie artist, so the level of fame is almost inconceivable.
What’s driving it is a vast underage fandom, wherein he has flowed through TikTok to become an obsession for a huge chunk of alt-y teens and pre-teens. To the point where even his bootleg accounts have millions of monthly listeners. Honestly, the kids are dead right: the guy has a way of fusing a fuzzy, downbeat guitar with lyrics and melodies that can’t help but yank you out of any melancholy. It also helps that ‘Afterlife’ is a contender for single of the year, and will sound utterly incandescent on a scorching February afternoon.
The hardest part is that our Laneway is still the only one which cuts 16 and 17 year olds out of the action. It’s one part of the “culture of no” that this government has been complaining about which remains undefeated. Given this lineup is both the festival’s best in years (Oklou! Wolf Alice! Mokotron!) and extremely teen-coded (PinkPantheress! Lucy Dacus! Yung Lean & Bladee! Chappell!) it feels particularly cruel. Here’s hoping venue security go easy on the kids camped on Bullock Track and let them at least hear what they’re missing.
Alex Casey: Will Chappell bring the castle?
OK I admit I was year off, but so was Chappell herself when she casually mentioned in that she would be in Aotearoa “next year, next February” in 2024. Obviously an unbelievably big name with unbelievably big festival sets, but now the big question is this: will Chappell drag her almighty castle all the way to Aotearoa? And if not, which one of yiz is going to rip the facade of Kidz Kingdom at Rainbow’s End and gift it to her? I’m scared the promise of her full “iconic gothic fairytale production” is going to be the new “Charli will bring out Lorde for ‘girl, so confusing’” (aka it won’t happen) but all we can do at this point is hope.
Beyond that, I remain unfamiliar with half the lineup but am very excited to see Wet Leg again after they outshone Harry Styles at Mt Smart back in 2023. Last Laneway I went for nearly the entire day and had the best time of my life, but it was very stressful to see so many bamboozled people flooding in right before Charli xcx. If you are going just for Chappell, I implore you to max out on your festival experience. Mooch around the lake and see the geese (and then Geese), park up on a grassy knoll and enjoy the many divine food trucks (last Laneway I saw Don McGlashan get a shaved ice, so you can too).
