All week this week, The Spinoff will be opening up about the end – talking death, dying and everything beyond. Editor Mad Chapman introduces the series.

Four years ago I sat at my cousin’s wedding and eagerly anticipated what her entrance song would be. The song you choose to walk down the aisle to is fraught with emotion, loaded with all your feelings of love on one of the biggest days of your life. It could be anything and whatever it is will be beautiful and emotional and pure. On that day four years ago, my cousin walked down the aisle to ‘Beyond’ by Leon Bridges.

Space and time in the afterlife
Will she have my kids? Will she be my wife?
She might just be my everything and beyond.

We all cried, the song was perfect.

Last month, I went to the funeral of a friend from school who’d died in a tragic accident, leaving her partner and one-year-old son behind. There are two types of funerals, I’ve found: devastating and celebratory. Celebratory funerals are sad but also filled with a sense of completeness and appreciation for a long and fulfilled life. Devastating funerals are those for the young, the suddenly gone. This one was obviously a devastating funeral.

As we made our way into the church, a slideshow of my friend played on screens at the front, showing her grinning while cycling, grinning while holding her son, grinning in an elaborate couples costume with her partner. Music played softly throughout the slideshow and when it was time to begin, it faded out, preparing for the chosen song to open the funeral. It was ‘Beyond’ by Leon Bridges.

Space and time in the afterlife
Will she have my kids? Will she be my wife?
She might just be my everything and beyond.

We all cried, the song was perfect.

There’s a comfort in knowing how closely all our most extreme emotions sit within us. And never is this more evident than in the fact the most popular funeral songs overlap heavily with the most popular wedding songs. Ultimately, they are all love songs, played to emphasise deep, deep feeling for one person. And years later, when many other specifics are forgotten, those songs will remain associated with that person and act as a sweet memory trigger when you’re in the car or at the dentist or shopping for bras.

There are only two universal human experiences – birth and death. Birth is all around us, celebrated, sought after, a time of newness and potential and, frankly, consumerism. Death is accepted (sometimes) and walked through quickly and quietly (most of the time). We will all die one day, and most of us would prefer not to think about that. As if by pretending it’s not there, we can evade it longer. Which is why we’re spending this week talking about everything death. Because like birth, death is heart-wrenching, emotional, expensive and perfectly natural. Thanks to our friends at AA Life Insurance for supporting the series. They know a thing or two about preparing for the end.

While we can’t cover every aspect of death, we’ll be looking at the realities of dying in New Zealand today. How much does it really cost to die? Is it possible to die sustainably? And what happens to your online self after your real world self dies? Plus we talk to those who work alongside death every day: end-of-life doctors, crematorium operators, pet funeral directors. And, given the vital role that funerals and tangi play in the grieving process, we look into why they are the way they are – from mourning outfits to grief food.

Death is all around us, and that shouldn’t be a scary thing. We’ll be treating this week with the seriousness it deserves, because death is a serious topic. But we’ll be approaching it as we would birth: with curiosity and openness and an effort to perhaps be better prepared when the time comes.

For what it’s worth, I first made a playlist for my funeral when I was 18. I had been to the funeral of a sports coach, who got sick relatively young, and his service was soundtracked entirely by rock. I loved that it was so clearly to his taste and to this day, I think of him whenever I hear ‘Brothers in Arms’ by Dire Straits. When I got home I made my own funeral playlist on Spotify. It has changed over the years as my own tastes have changed but if I died today, I’d like them to play ‘Heaven’ (live version) by Talking Heads.

All week long The Spinoff will be opening up about the end. Click here to read more of our Death Week content.