Joel MacManus attempts to travel from the bottom to the top of the country without a car or plane. Today: can he finally leave Te Waipounamu?
The mission: Get from Stewart Island to Cape Reinga as fast as possible using only public transport. Wherever I can, I’ll travel by train. In areas that are too rural or too watery for trains, I’ll take buses and ferries.
Why? That’s a great question. I’m honestly not sure. I hope to learn something about New Zealand and gain new insight into the country I call home.
When New Zealanders travel around their own country, public transport is usually an afterthought. Decades of underfunding have left our inter-city rail slow, expensive, and infrequent. I want to find out what it is really like.
The itinerary:
- Ferry from Oban to Bluff
- Bus from Bluff to Invercargill
- Bus from Invercargill to Dunedin
- Bus from Dunedin to Christchurch
- Train from Christchurch to Picton
- Ferry from Picton to Wellington
- Train from Wellington to Auckland
- Bus from Auckland to Paihia
- Bus to Cape Reinga (part of an 11-hour sightseeing tour of the Far North)
The cost: $1,052 in total for the tickets. If everything goes to plan (which it probably won’t), it will take me 150 hours. By comparison, riding the entire length of the Tranz-Siberian railway from Moscow to Vladivostok, which is five times longer than New Zealand, takes 147 hours.
I began on Monday in Oban and am now starting day four in Christchurch. By the end of the day, I hope to be in Wellington. Join me as I continue my journey north to Cape Reinga and enlightenment.
Today’s itinerary
Apparently, there was an election last night? Oh well, here’s some far more important news: Today, I’m getting the 7am Coastal Pacific train from Christchurch to Picton, followed by the 2:15pm Interislander crossing on the Kaitaki. I’ll have the luxury of one night in my own bed before the journey starts all over again.
A Lime scooter to the train station
One of the best things about long-distance travel on public transport is that your journey usually starts and ends in the city centre. From the moment you step off the train/bus, you’re surrounded by the city’s most impressive buildings, coolest eateries and most vibrant shopping streets.
In another piece of poor planning, I booked accommodation at a backpackers on Manchester Street. I didn’t Google where the train station was; I just figured anywhere in the middle of town would be pretty close. As it turns out, Christchurch Railway Station is nowhere near the city centre. I was 4km away, and my duffel bag was feeling awfully heavy.
At 5:47am I grabbed a Lime Scooter and zoomed off towards Riccarton. It was a delightfully scenic journey along the banks of the Avon River (or, in English, the River River) before I reached Hagley Park, at which point Google Maps got confused about my direction and I ended up off-roading for a much longer distance than the scooter was designed for.
I’ve never been so happy to ride a train
After all my whinging yesterday about having to ride a bus, I’m finally sitting on a train, and it is beautiful.
I have a large, sturdy tray table for my laptop, a comfortable seat, and plenty of room to stretch my legs. The train has just started pulling away from the station, and it is delightfully smooth.
I’ve taken a handful of Eurail trains, but my only experience of long-distance rail in Aotearoa was taking a Metlink train from Wellington to Carterton—and that barely counts.
The Costal Pacific between Christchurch and Picton runs four times a week but will ramp up to daily trips from January 2025. It is primarily promoted as a scenic journey for wealthy tourists, and based on the fashion choices and average age of my fellow passengers, it shows.
My ticket cost $219, while the Scenic Plus carriages cost $499. The same trip on an Intercity bus would cost $60-80. But I have absolutely no regrets.
Some parting thoughts on Ōtautahi Christchurch
Every time I visit Christchurch, it exceeds my expectations. Aucklanders tend to be snobby about it (but they’re snobby about everything), and even Wellingtonians get in on the action at times. They talk about Christchurch as if it is Palmerston North, some hick town with nothing going on. Alex Casey discusses this phenomenon in her story The unexpected downside of moving to Christchurch.
Of course, that couldn’t be farther from the truth. The Christchurch CBD is vibrant, people-friendly and impressively urbane. Riverside Market, New Regent Street, Turanga, Hagley Park, Cashel Street – they’re all incredible. Last night, I caught up for dinner with a friend at Little High Eatery. I had no idea it existed and kept gawking around at everything: an amazing range of food options, packed tables, and a bustling, young crowd.
Shanti Mathias took me on a tandem bike ride to try out the impressive cycleway network. Later, I went for a run along the Avon and kept stopping to gaze at the idyllic scenes. It’s a testament to the city’s early founders that so much space is dedicated to parks and gardens – and a testament to the city’s modern leaders that it has been able to reinvent itself so thoroughly after the earthquake.
Of course, the outer lying parts of Christchurch are still a car-dependent sprawling suburban hellscape, but the city centre is truly world-class.
To Christchurch: I’m sorry for underrating you. I think I’m in love with you.
This is really, really nice
I cannot overstate how pleasant this train is – especially after multiple days of buses and the world’s worst ferry. This is the calmest I’ve felt this entire trip.
There are occasional bumps as the train goes around corners or over poorly maintained tracks, but they’re nothing compared to the bus.
The ability to fully switch off, sit back and enjoy your surroundings is unique to rail travel. It’s notable that no one in my carriage is reading a book or watching a movie. Everyone is just rawdogging it, taking in the views of rolling green hills and chit-chatting.
Trains, man. What an innovation.
My only complaint
My only complaint about the train journey so far—and it’s an extremely minor one—is that the windows are so large that the low morning sun is glaring right in my eyes. I switched seats to try to get away from it, but I wasn’t successful.
Annoyingly, I packed two pairs of sunglasses, but they are both in my checked luggage. For reasons that I can’t fully explain, this is the only hat in my backpack.
I’m allowed to eat
After the tyranny of Intercity and Driver Jono’s strict no-eating policies, I’m enjoying the luxury of food. Not only is eating allowed on the train, but there is an onboard cafe.
Here’s my breakfast from the train cafe: a chia seed cup, a bottle of H2Go, and a large oat flat white. The Coastal Pacific doesn’t charge extra for oat milk! That’s very forward-thinking; even the wokest of Wellington cafes don’t do that.
The train has stopped
The train just slowed to a halt about 50km from Kaikoura on a brief section of double-tracked line. According to the intercom announcement, the engineer has to call an operator in Wellington to get the green light to continue, known as a “track warrant.” I’m no expert, but this seems like something that could have been sorted out ahead of time.
Update: We’re off again after two minutes.
Sheeps
Fun fact: Sheeps are named after the sound they make, “sheep sheep”.
Tunnels are fun
There are two toddlers in my carriage who get very excited every time we pass through a tunnel. Almost excited as me.
Having a whale of a time
The train stopped for a five-minute break in Kaikōura. Unfortunately, a low cloud dropped over us just as we arrived, so I didn’t spot any whales, but I did spot a sign with the word “whale” which sort of counts.
A lovely young lady gifted me with a pair of crustacean socks in honour of all the crusty bus stations I’m visiting.
Are Lime scooters public transport?
A commenter with the username Toby_Manhire (I wonder who that could be?) asks this question: “Great hat, Joel. Interested to hear how this Lime scooter meets your definition of public transport?”
When I left my accommodation at 5:47 am, it was too early for the relevant local bus. I had three options for getting to the railway station: walking, Uber, or Lime. I considered walking, but it was 4km away, and I was too much of a wuss because I was carrying a heavy duffel bag. Then, I thought about getting an Uber and just not telling you, but I knew that would have weighed on my conscience.
So, the most practical remaining solution was a Lime scooter. My mildly hot take about bike and e-scooter share services such as Lime, Flamingo, and Beam is that they are public transport, and city councils should reflect that in their policies. They are transport services that are accessible to the public without requiring private ownership of a vehicle.
The fact that they are privately owned companies do not change that – after all, many of New Zealand’s bus and train services are also privately owned; they operate with contracts and permissions from the local or central government. In a similar way, e-scooter share services require consent from councils and provide a useful service to the wider public. I don’t think “public transport” should be defined by public ownership, but by public availability.
However, once you make that argument, it’s not too much of a reach to suggest that Uber or car-sharing services like Mevo could count as public transport… but I’m not going to think too much about that. I’ll just have to satisfy myself with the knowledge that I’m not taking a car or a plane.
More food
I’m once again enjoying the greatest luxury of train travel: food. This is a cheese scone. It’s not particularly good, but I’m willing to overlook that because I love this train so much.
The outside
This is the outside carriage. It kinda has prison vibes. Once upon a time this would have been a smoking carriage, but that’s not allowed anymore. It has open windows, which means it is much louder, and the wind makes the helicopter on my hat spin like crazy. It’s hard to handle for more than a few minutes at a time, but the air is refreshing, and you can take photos without the reflection of the window.
Big ol’ Blenheim
A small town train station that is actually used for trains. We love to see it.
The best meal in Blenheim
I want to give a brief shout-out to a restaurant in Blenheim where I had one of the most memorable dining experiences of my life.
I was with my basketball team on tournament two years ago. We went out for dinner at the confusingly titled “Thai9 a Restaurant”. It had an item on the menu called Marius’s Meal. The description read, “Chips & steamed broccoli.”
We all ordered a plate out of curiousity. I don’t know what we expected. It is exactly what it says on the menu: a plate of plain steamed broccoli and some shoestring fries. We lost all five games that year, but the food was 10/10 perfection.
I’ve tried to recreate it at home but never quite recaptured the magic.
Next time you’re in Blenheim, make sure to stop by and try Marius’s Meal.
Chilling in Picton
I’ve arrived in Picton. That was a thoroughly pleasant train journey that I will remember for the rest of my life. I can’t wait to ride it again some day. I now have an hour and a half to chill before the Interislander departs.
Ummm
Boarding the Interislander
I did not have anywhere near as much time to chill in Picton as I thought. I wanted to grab a Malborough sav and sip it with a view over the harbour, but we were called to board almost immediately after I checked in. I’m on the Kaitaki, which, in my opinion, is the best Interislander ferry.
I’m a fancy boy in the Premium Lounge
Interislander offered to upgrade me to the Premium Lounge because “the teams love that you’re such a public transport advocate”. I’ll never turn down a free upgrade. Thank you, Interislander.
I’ve never been in a Premium Lounge before so I don’t know what to expect. Champagne? Caviar? Cuban cigars? I’ll keep you updated as I find out.
Premium Lounge food review
As we arrived, a small buffet of sammies and sweet treats, along with some orange juice and an automatic coffee machine, was waiting in the lounge. I don’t want to turn my nose up at free stuff, but I didn’t love it. The sushi pocket was a little bland (no soy sauce, ginger, or wasabi), and the sandwiches had obviously been sitting out for a while. I was impressed by the mini quiche, though. The first bite caught me by surprise (I wasn’t expecting salmon), but I enjoyed it so much that I had a second one.
Premium Lounge loo review
I’m a big fan of the Premium Lounge toilets. They’re clean, homely, and smell nice. The fake wood panelling makes me feel like I’m in an alpine lodge, and the fake flower is a nice touch, too. Unfortunately, the toilet still has that scarily loud flush that gave me nightmares as a child.
Premium Lounge food review #2
Oh yeah, now we’re talking. After a slightly disappointing entrée, the lunch was incredible. I’m just annoyed that I filled up on mini salmon quiches.
Here’s what we’ve got:
Moroccan chicken leg: Tender, juicy, well-seasoned, and easy to tear apart with a fork. Wonderful.
Lamb kofta: Possibly a little over-processed – but it’s lamb kofta, so of course it’s delicious.
Herbed potato rosti: Incredibly crispy without feeling sogged up by oil.
BBQ pork bun with a tomato sticking out of it: I love bao buns, but this fell short for a reason I can’t quite put my finger on. There was something different about the sauce. Too acidic? I liked the tomato, though.
Israeli couscous salad: Pretty good, no complaints.
Asparagus: OH MY GOD. This was the best asparagus I’ve ever eaten. There was no sign on the buffet, so I don’t know what they did to it, but I can taste lemon and garlic. It was tender but still had some bite, and a depth of flavour that challenged my perception of what asparagus can be.
Oh – and I just learned that alcohol is free.
They let me drive the boat
Here’s me on the bridge of the Kaitaki, driving the boat. The steering wheel was disappointingly small; I was hoping for a big wooden pirate ship wheel. It was very generous of the Interislander crew to let me have a go, and we managed to avoid disaster (so far).
(* I’m not actually driving, it was on autopilot. But it’s fun to pretend.)
My adventure on the bridge
Here’s me with my new boiz, who kindly showed me around the bridge: Assistant Customer Service Manager Levi Wrathall, Second Mate Ben Palmer, and Lookout Jack Mckay.
This is the boat driving machine thing (I’m sorry I don’t know boat terminology and I’m too tired to find out).
This is the radar, which is mostly useful for spotting smaller boats in the harbour. In the bottom left-hand corner is the most powerful pair of binoculars I’ve ever tried. It’s a calm day today, the smoothest crossing I’ve ever experienced. But the radar can actually be even more important on calm days because there are more likely to be small fishing vessels or recreational boaties out on the water.
Here’s the map showing our course into Wellington harbour.
Security cameras with eyes on all angles of the engine room.
These are the tiny steering wheels the captain uses to control the rudders as the ship comes into berth. The scale is a bit hard to make out, but they’re about the size of a regular orange, or a very small pumpkin.
The galley
As a final treat, here’s me with the kitchen crew who made that mind-blowing asparagus. They were busy organising some kind of after-work function, so I didn’t stick around to ask for a recipe.
I might be dying
The boat is pulling into Wellington harbour and I feel terrible. In the past 30 minutes or so, the back-to-back days of poor sleep, early starts, and non-stop shitposting have hit me like a ton of bricks. I’m so, so happy to have a night in my own bed. My train leaves for Auckland at 7:55am tomorrow, which feels like a luxurious sleep-in compared to the past few days.
Another Spinoff cameo
I’m having a pint with Toby Manhire at Trax Bar in the Wellington Railway Station. See you all tomorrow!
