A smorgasbord of wisdom for almost every possible situation.
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As the end of the year hurtles towards us, like a vegan turkey out of a twelve-pound cannon, rather than following the traditional question/answer format I have compiled a long list of non-specific, potentially relevant advice to see you safely through to 2026. Have a wonderful summer break, check the batteries in your smoke alarm, and never have children with someone who you don’t want in your life forever.
Be polite and kind to customer service and retail workers. It’s a stressful time of year for everyone, and if you’re kind and respectful, many people will go above and beyond to help you. If you’re horrible, your package is getting shipped straight to rural Mongolia.
Never move anyone with a back injury.
If you smell fish in your house, it might be an electrical fire.
Don’t throw water on a grease fire (turn off the heat and smother the flames).
When planning a wedding, always hire a professional photographer.
Don’t sleep with anyone at your workplace if you’re not prepared to quit your job in a hurry.
It is hard to start any creative practice because at first, your taste will always exceed your ability to execute your vision. But if you’re prepared to put in the work, you will only get better.
Sometimes doing it for the story is as good a reason as any.
When it comes to making art, steal, but steal widely.
Make a doctor’s appointment for your mysterious and embarrassing medical problem. Doctors are feral. They have seen everything under the sun and your horrible body does not frighten them.
Record the voices of the people you love.
Once you learn something, nobody can take that away from you.
“An honourable human relationship – that is, one in which two people have the right to use the word “love” – is a process, delicate, violent, often terrifying to both persons involved, a process of refining the truths they can tell each other. It is important to do this because it breaks down human self-delusion and isolation. It is important to do this because in doing so we do justice to our own complexity. It is important to do this because we can count on so few people to go that hard way with us.” – Adrienne Rich
“Life is a rotten lottery…but I do believe that after 30, stop whining! Everybody’s dealt a hand, and it’s not fair what you get. But you’ve got to deal with it. Stop blaming your parents. If you’re really angry at 60 years old, you’re an idiot! You’ve got to work some of it out. You can be angry at social issues. But the only way I’ve learned to change anyone’s mind politically is to make them laugh.” – John Waters
Photograph your important receipts and warranties.
Percentages are reversible.
If you drop your ice cream on the street, buy yourself another ice cream.
Go (almost) anywhere you are invited.
Tell the paramedics everything and the police nothing.
The only hell is the suffering we subject other beings to.
You don’t have to monetise the things you love. Sometimes, a great way to ruin a beloved hobby is to turn it into a job.
A stupid question is better than a stupid mistake.
A falling knife has no handle.
Cold water on your face can sometimes stop a panic attack.
Squeezing your thumb into the palm of your hand can sometimes stop a gag reflex.
Star jumps can clear a runny nose.
There are lots of ways to stop the hiccups, but they’re all kind of difficult to explain. Look them up.
Try and get a little sunlight every day.
Getting no sleep will kill you, but a little sleep is better than none.
There’s a video on how to repair almost anything, unless your problem is electrical or plumbing-related, in which case you should definitely call a professional.
Go placidly amidst the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
You were not put here on earth to answer emails. Sometimes you just have to delete them and move on.
If you can’t decide what to do, flip a coin and choose the option you’re secretly hoping for.
If you still can’t decide what to do, pretend you’re on your deathbed.
Never send an email/letter/text angry.
Learn the keyboard shortcuts on your computer. I promise it’s actually worth it.
Keep a running list of gift ideas on your phone, for friends and family.
Always pee after sex.
A fried egg is a good addition to any meal.
If you are painfully shy and in your 20s, force yourself out into the world, even if it’s awkward and uncomfortable at first. Exposure therapy is the only way to get better.
Gratitude will improve your life.
You can’t control most of what happens to you. You can only manage your attitude and your effort.
Apply sunscreen.
If you’re a writer, read your work out loud.
If you’ve been editing the same document for so long you can no longer see it, try changing the font.
Sometimes, bragging about things you haven’t accomplished yet (writing a novel, running a marathon) gives you a false feeling of satisfaction, and you forget to actually do them. Do them in secret, then surprise everyone with the results.
When the power goes out, search for wifi networks to see if it’s your whole neighbourhood, or just your house.
Taste as you cook.
Clean the filters on your household appliances regularly.
Always tell someone where you’re going, especially if it’s out in nature.
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou
If there is a task you hate doing, think creatively about how to make it pleasant. If you hate washing the kitchen floor, put on the audiobook of Master & Commander, have a gin fizz and pretend you’re swabbing the decks. Or whatever works for you…
If you have a task you hate which can’t be made more pleasant, set a timer and do it quickly.
If you feel terrible for no particular reason, try any or all of the following: have a shower, brush your teeth, eat a meal, go to sleep.
Communication is important, but you don’t have to say everything out loud. Sometimes knowing how to communicate is also knowing when to shut up.
Everyone is entitled to privacy, even in a relationship.
If someone asks you to get up and look at the bird outside the window, get up and look at the bird outside the window.
New Zealand is built on a network of fault lines. Make sure you have emergency supplies and a household plan.
When dealing with property management companies, difficult colleagues or expensive repair jobs, always get it in writing.
“God instructs the heart, not by ideas but by pains and contradictions.”
If you are stuck on a problem, go for a long walk.
If you are still stuck on a problem, go for a longer walk.
People aren’t thinking about you as much as you think.
There is no such thing as infinite growth in nature.
Join your union (but not a yellow union).
Reapply sunscreen.
You can leave a job or a relationship at any time for any reason.
No matter how good or bad your life is, it will always change. Things will happen that you could never have predicted. Stay alive out of curiosity, if nothing else.
Don’t take unsolicited (or solicited! 🐸) advice personally. Most of the time, the person giving advice is just giving advice they wish they’d had.
The only place where any of us can live is inside our own minds. Think creatively about how to make this bearable.
Not only must you imagine Sisyphus happy, but you must imagine him in an exquisite ribboned bonnet.
Never miss a chance to charge your phone, go to the bathroom or tell someone you love, you love them.
Let go or be dragged.
It is never too late to change your life.
Got any additional non-specific advice to share? Leave a comment below!
