‘Mostly I’m finding: People who want a lover on the side.’
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Age: 58
Gender: Cis woman
Sexuality: Bisexual/aromantic
Ethnicity: Pākehā and Māori
Religion: Atheist
Occupation: Editor
My living location is: Kāpiti Coast
The apps I’m on: None
I’m looking for: Community
Mostly I’m finding: People who want a lover on the side
My last serious relationship was: fifteen years ago. We mutually became less interested in the sexual and romantic aspects, and have continued the friendship aspects. Perfect.
The worst date I ever had: 1992. Trying to explain to a guy from a party that just because I was super keen on spending the wee hours prowling round the city and jumping the fence to go skinny dipping in the Centennial pools together didn’t mean I was interested in romance or sex with him. He was disappointed and left, I felt under-appreciated.
The best date I ever had: We sung together, went home together, had a wonderful night, and when she explained the next morning she wasn’t up for anything more I was so relieved as I felt the same. We are close friends to this day.
The most regrettable thing I ever did on a date: I used to think it was OK, even endearing, to theatrically slap someone if they mildly offended me (thanks, popular culture). I cringe to think back about that.
The best thing a date ever did for me: Drove me home. It was 600 kilometres away.
The biggest red flag I’ve seen on a date: Kept making juvenile jokes about “boobies”, What are you, 12?
On a date I usually wear: Jeans and a T-shirt, or whatever suits the occasion. My dad and I sometimes get dressed up as all heck for the theatre, which disappointingly nobody else seems to.
I have sex when: We both feel inclined – a reliable go-to is tipsy bumps leading to a clinch, with plausable deniability on both sides if needed.
I wish dating was: unnecessary in order to maintain a decent social life.
This is what I think about who pays on dates: I can’t imagine not paying 50/50, unless I knew them well and they were significantly richer or poorer than me.
Three words that describe my dream date: adventurous, unentitled, humourous.
My dating advice is: Broaden your definition of a date
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