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Just because you can’t physically see your friends doesn’t mean you can’t be social. Photo: Getty Images.
Just because you can’t physically see your friends doesn’t mean you can’t be social. Photo: Getty Images.

SocietyMarch 21, 2020

Covid-19: How to keep your friends while keeping your distance

Just because you can’t physically see your friends doesn’t mean you can’t be social. Photo: Getty Images.
Just because you can’t physically see your friends doesn’t mean you can’t be social. Photo: Getty Images.

As we head into our first weekend with many of us in self-isolation and practising social distancing, Sam Brooks offers a few tips on how to be social while saying alone.

“I want to be alone.” – Greta Garbo, in Grand Hotel.

Those famous words are probably the opposite of what you’re feeling if, like me, you’ve been in self-isolation for close to a week. There’s a difference between being alone and being lonely, though. Yesterday at his daily briefing, Ministry of Health hero Ashley Bloomfield pointedly swapped his language around distancing. Instead of “social distancing” he called it “physical distancing”, emphasising the importance of social interaction to people’s mental health and well-being. 

As someone who is relentlessly social but also enjoys his own company, I’ve come up with a few suggestions to help you stay connected to your friends and family in the days and weeks ahead. Some of these will also keep you in touch with culture in general! The world keeps turning and burning, and there’s a whole lot of culture to catch up on, y’all.

If you’re into books

A book club! It’s the most obvious suggestion, but it’s obvious for a reason. One: It gives you something to do. Two: It gives you enforced social interaction on a deadline. Even if you can’t meet in person for now, you can keep your book club going through a group chat or a video conference hangout. 

My personal tip for making sure your book club goes the distance is to keep the membership small – it can be as small as just you and another like-minded friend – and to change up the sorts of things you’re reading. Categories can include: NZ literature, memoir, essays, fiction, fiction by a woman, fiction that will make you feel better about the world, and so on and so forth.

If you’re into movies/TV

Moving on with the club idea, start a movie or TV club with a few friends. If you want a bunch of things to watch, do a movie club. If you want to watch something over a long amount of time, then do a TV show – either something ripe for discussion (The Americans, Love is Blind, two shows that will never be mentioned in the same sentence ever again) or something that people will send a lot of emojis about (Love is Blind again, how about Jessica, right?!). This gives your social interaction some purpose beyond ‘how’re you?’ which is the most tedious question in the world, regardless of how much you care.

Discussing the show or movie after the fact is great, but you don’t have to wait that long. Netflix Party is a Chrome Extension that synchronises your viewing of any Netflix content with your friends and lets you live chat while it plays. You can even pause the show for everyone if one of you needs a bathroom break or more snacks.

This boy just got trolled with some Doja Cat. Photo: Getty Images.

If you’re into music

This is a something I’ve been doing with my overseas friends for years – and these are dudes I haven’t seen in well over a decade. We’ll throw the new songs we’re listening to into a big group playlist to keep each other updated with what we’re doing and what we’re listening to. We change the playlist up every month, and it leaves us with insanely detailed, messy records of what we’ve been listening to. I wouldn’t know what their month was like, but I know for damn sure when one of them discovered Kid Cudi five years late.

It’s a great way to keep up with new music, and also a great way to troll your friends with music you know they’ll hate. Got a friend who only listens to Fleetwood Mac? Throw some Doja Cat at them! 

If you’re into podcasts

Okay, so you know those rambly, chatty podcasts that you tend to ignore? Now is the absolutely right time for them. There’s something inherently calming about the aural presence of two people having a nice time and joking around with each other. It simulates the feelings of actually hang out with people without having to provide your own conversation. My favourites are Stop Podcasting Yourself and Best Friends with Nicole and Sasheer, but there’s literally hundreds of these kinds of podcasts out there. Find the people you want to hang out with, and listen in. Can I also recommend our very own chatfest The Real Pod?

Warning: This is not an endorsement to start your own podcast. How dare you. The world is dark enough already.

If you’re into games

Gamers the world over have been socialising with other players from the comfort of their beds for years. It’s arguably the most social media you can get! Whether playing games online with people (anything from online RPGs to basic things like card games) or sharing the things you make online (can I recommend the recent game Dreams? ), it’s pretty effortless to be social with people while playing. From The Sims and Minecraft to something simple like online chess or Scrabble, gaming let’s you have fun with your friends and socialise at the same time, without ever having to leave the house.

Now excuse me, I need to get back to Animal Crossing: New Horizons, released for the Nintendo Switch yesterday, which lets you build your own idyllic, Covid-19-free world. What a concept!

Look at this woman! Cooking while not being social. Photo: Getty Images

If you’re into food

Look, I barely cook. But I know people who do cook, and I know that they love to cook things known as ‘recipes’. A fun thing to do would be to form some sort of recipe club – find a few like minded friends to cook the same thing and share your results with each other. Share your photos, your variations, your substitutions. Form your own little cooking community!

Then: Eat the dinners together. Even though there’s no worse sound on a speaker than someone eating, there’s something weirdly calming about eating with people on a screen, especially when you have the physical freedom to do other things.

If you’re into YouTube

I realise nobody is ‘into YouTube’. The video streaming service is a core part of our lives now. It exists somewhere near the middle of the pyramid of needs, shuffling up or down depending on your generation. And because of that, YouTube is a good way to connect with other people. A game that I like to play when I’m hosting people in my lounge is to throw on YouTube and ask a question: “Do you want to watch something good, something bad, or something funny?”

We all have our favourite YouTube videos, so why not throw them together into a playlist? Whether they’re makeup tutorials, workouts, or 45 minute front-facing camera interviews with an influencer, share ‘em around. It’s not quite as social as the rest of these options, but what’s more fulfilling than sharing the innermost sanctum of your soul? Not much, says this bleak man.

Just stay in touch

Ultimately, the thing to do is stay in touch with each other. 

Ask people how they are. And vice versa: let people know how you are. It’s how the world goes around, and nobody hates hearing from the people who care about them. Especially, in these corona-times, reach out to your gloomy friends, you know, the people whose curtains are closed by default. We love these people, and they love us back, but sometimes they might need to be shown or told it a bit more.

You might not be able to bring light in from the outside, but at least you can light up their notifications. Keep your distance from your loved ones – but don’t, you know, keep your distance.

Keep going!
Members of Canterbury University volunteer army clean up liquefaction on February 24, 2011.  (Photo by Martin Hunter/Getty Images)
Members of Canterbury University volunteer army clean up liquefaction on February 24, 2011. (Photo by Martin Hunter/Getty Images)

OPINIONSocietyMarch 21, 2020

Embrace the new normal: Why our earthquake recoveries give reason for hope

Members of Canterbury University volunteer army clean up liquefaction on February 24, 2011.  (Photo by Martin Hunter/Getty Images)
Members of Canterbury University volunteer army clean up liquefaction on February 24, 2011. (Photo by Martin Hunter/Getty Images)

Some thought the 2010 and 2011 earthquakes would be the end of Christchurch – they weren’t. For all its unique challenges, we have it in us to get through Covid-19, too, writes earthquake scientist Ursula Cochran.

We can do this.

Darfield 2010, Christchurch 2011, Seddon 2013, Kaikōura 2016. We have already had our lives turned upside-down. And, as a nation, we have come through.

Large earthquakes are a different kind of shock from a global pandemic, but their occurrence in New Zealand over the last decade means we are well-practised at living with uncertainty, being prepared and flexible, adapting to rapidly-evolving situations, and calling on our individual and community resilience to cope with trauma.

Features that helped us through those earthquakes – good leadership, sound science, dedicated healthcare professionals, tight communities and a Kiwi-sized dose of ingenuity – are still abundant in Aotearoa and will help us make it through the current Covid-19 pandemic.

At government level, New Zealand’s leadership is, as far as I’m concerned, among the best in the world. Thank you, Jacinda and your team, for being able to distinguish fact from fiction, for knowing who the experts are and listening to them, for engaging with the science, for putting money where it is needed and for calmly making excellent decisions quickly.

Good leadership flourishes across Aotearoa at all levels. Often behind the scenes, leaders have organised the rebuild of a city and many roads and railways after earthquakes, cleared farmland after floods, and rebuilt communities after fires. Marae have opened their doors, finding homes for the homeless and food for the hungry. It is never easy, but we know there are good leaders who will respond to Covid-19 in New Zealand. Let’s stay ahead of the game, get behind them, and follow official advice to ensure New Zealand has the best possible outcome from this global disruption.

New Zealand is producing its own excellent science on Covid-19. Many scientists and medical professionals are working hard to provide accurate information.

Microbiologist Siouxsie Wiles has emerged as one of New Zealand’s strongest voices on the Covid-19 pandemic.

Siouxsie Wiles, I’ve read all your articles on The Spinoff and I still can’t spell your name, but I do know much more about Covid-19 and I feel like writing you a fan letter. Thank you for all the information you’ve delivered over the last three weeks with authority, clarity, enthusiasm, a welcome dose of emotion, and also for an occasional letter to a politician.

Michelle Dickinson, you gave my boys a “eureka” moment with your Nanogirl experiment that demonstrates why we use soap when we wash our hands. I am grateful they’ve discovered that before they head into adolescence, let alone as they head into a pandemic. I’m a fan of yours, too, Nanogirl.

This gratitude is how some people felt towards GeoNet after the earthquakes. And I hope you’ve noticed that when you remove the catastrophic headlines and identify the facts from the fake news, it is easy to feel reassured by the science, and even empowered. There are some simple measures we must all take to keep ourselves and others safe. End of story.

Our healthcare professionals are a dedicated force. They don’t have the numbers or resources of some countries, but they do have a track record of responding impressively to sudden shocks. Tragically, they have had too much practice recently with the Christchurch mosque shootings and the Whakaari eruption. We must all do our bit to reduce their load.

Communities coming together in times of trouble is a familiar narrative in Aotearoa. We are good at this. Stable parts of the country may not have had much earthquake-induced practice, but your cousins on shaky ground are happy to be good role models for you. Think back to Takahanga Marae in Kaikoura, which served over 10,000 meals in the week immediately after the earthquake. Think back to the Student Volunteer Army and the “Farmy Army” who provided so much physical help and moral support after the earthquakes in Christchurch. I was so happy to hear that the Wellington Student Volunteer Army is already gearing up to help with the Covid-19 response.

Tourists trapped by the Kaikoura earthquakes are helped by medical staff, 2016. Photo: Getty

There is nothing Kiwis are more famous for than their ingenuity. Think back to the post-earthquake “normal”. People lived in tents or at work if homes were damaged, and worked from home if it was their offices that were out of order. Domestic toilets became shared Portaloos down the end of the road. People walked or biked because roads were too mangled. We shopped at malls made out of shipping containers. Art took to the streets because galleries were closed. Bands played in parks because bars were closed. Empty lots got kitted out with makeshift stages for dancing or with gardens to provide vegetables. Isolated communities had supplies delivered by helicopter, wheelbarrow, or ship. Sound familiar? We’ve done this all before – we can do it again.

One thing we can do better this time around is to look after our mental health. At times of crisis our health can be compromised because routines are thrown out the window and, as we get busy responding to the crisis, we forget to prioritise our basic needs. In addition, we may start living in fear – fear of sickness, fear of death, fear of the unknown – and too long spent living this way leads to burn-out and illness.

My consistent advice for earthquakes – “don’t be scared, be prepared” – is sounding very familiar right now. We are being told not to panic over the pandemic. Obviously, we don’t want panic-buying to lead to a temporary shortage of goods, but there is a more important reason to respond calmly to this pandemic. Fear triggers a chemical response in the body that enables us to respond to danger in a physical way – by fighting, fleeing or freezing. It is designed to give us a brief period of extra strength and speed. It is a human superpower, very useful for fighting off an attacker or running from an out-of-control vehicle.

It is not needed for more than a few minutes, and it is not needed when facing Covid-19. When we are in “fight-or-flight” mode other abilities such as clear thinking, good digestion, and repairing the body are compromised. The “rest, digest, repair” mode is what we need most of the time, especially right now, as this new normal may be around for some time. To get out of fear mode, don’t fuel the fire. Our brains are biased towards consuming negative information so we need to consciously feed them positive information as a counterbalance. Caremongering is better for us than scaremongering.

Limit your news intake to your usual amounts and to sources you trust. Ensure your social media activities are of the humorous and uplifting kind, allow yourself time for enjoyable activities and prioritise basic health needs.

My favourite description of the brain’s basic needs comes from Nigel Latta’s The Curious Mind: sleep, good fuel, exercise, relationships, and challenges. The list sounds simple, but it can be hard to maintain at times like this.

  • If you are having trouble sleeping, try making time in the evening for your favourite relaxing activities. Limit your media intake. Get some Headspace before bed.
  • Good fuel means eating healthily, drinking water, and making sure you have supplies at home to get you through a period of self-isolation.
  • Thankfully the ground is not moving in aftershocks for this crisis, so we can be outdoors and feel like the world is normal. Get outside. Preferably where there’s some greenery and not many people. It’s easy to practise social distance while out for a walk.
  • Keep in touch with people with good, old-fashioned phone calls. Get creative about socialising at a distance, like the Italians singing across streets from balconies. Relish the extra time you have with children, pets, and family.

Get prepared. Embrace the new normal. There will be some very hard times. If you can, help people less fortunate than you. The challenges will be in many respects different from an earthquake recovery, but there is good reason for hope given New Zealand’s track record of coming together with creativity and compassion. Now is the time to start drive-in movies, make tin-can telephones with the kids, laugh, dance, and sing from our front lawns. I look forward to witnessing the kind and ingenious things Kiwis discover to get us through.