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a woman meditating in a field
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SocietyFebruary 27, 2021

How Covid-19, QAnon and white supremacy destroyed the wellbeing industry

a woman meditating in a field
Image: Pexels

Rebecca Wadey used to love the wellness industry. Now she doesn’t know who to trust.

This story was first published on Ensemble

I love a bit of woo woo.

As a former wellbeing editor, I’ve interviewed countless experts on how to achieve a work-life balance and live a life of optimal energy. I’ve practised gratitude, had morning rituals involving oil pulling and breath work, milked my almonds (before realising they’re unsustainable and pivoting to hazelnuts) and blended hand-harvested greens.

I’m skilled enough at yoga to be able to hold arm balances and inversions, yet experienced enough in the practice to understand the asana are not the purpose.

I became deeply inspired by the work of Dr Libby and many others I was lucky enough to interview as a wellbeing editor. I travelled to LA where I did cryotherapy treatment and had colonics with the same pipes my idol Gwyneth had used.

I even reported on the practice of the jade “Yoni” eggs before they became Gooped. I’ve had a life-changing experience with hypnotherapy at a health retreat in Australia, and sought solace with a spiritual healer in Ubud.

At many troubled times throughout my life, both emotional and physical, I have turned to alternate practices to find answers modern medicine could not provide.

Please don’t misunderstand me. I fucking love modern medicine.

Modern medicine is the reason I am alive. And alternate medicine is the reason I am sane.

Inexplicably diagnosed with cancer at the age of 26, I was stripped of my breast, hair, innocence, youth and many of my friends. Modern medicine did an amazing job of diagnosing and saving me. From there, it was up to me to put the pieces back together however best I could.

Until now, funnily enough. When “unprecedented times” would seem to call for it most.

Yoga can be part of a wellness lifestyle. It can also be the entry point to a world Rebecca Wadey is disillusioned with. (Photo: Christopher Futcher/Getty

Admittedly, it was a few years pre-Covid-19 when I first started to feel disillusioned with the world of wellbeing.

While I saw myself as an eternal student on my way to uncover a range of tools in the hope everyone would find something that resonated with them, the rise of social media stars saw many (especially, it seemed, young, thin, white women) gain alarming influence over a vulnerable audience with what became apparent to me as a focus on body image.

I hold this notion that cancer is bad ingredients in the soup that is your body, and that by exploring different modalities I might find “the thing” that would change the recipe and prevent my body from ever growing cancer again.

I also had a fixation (bordering on anxiety) around feeling healthy, with very little attention paid to how I looked (I was, after all, someone who had lost her breasts and hair at a young age. My obsessions were elsewhere).

But wellness and societal notions of beauty became interchangeable and those “experts” who were thin, young and clear-skinned and more palatable to an increasingly rabid audience grew in influence – while I grew increasingly uncomfortable with the language they used to sell products. Most notably, themselves.

I recall doing a power yoga class in Melbourne once and being deeply irritated by the teacher, who told a cautionary tale during shavasana about a fight he’d had with his girlfriend. He wasn’t smart enough for the story to land and I remember rolling my third eye at him.

This was during the time when social media stars were moving from being “perfect” to “relatable”, in order to increase engagement and defeat algorithms. For many, this meant talking on their social channels about their issues with anxiety, food and body image (always perfectly resolved through their not-at-all-unhealthy relationship with yoga and plant-based diets, of course!)

I’ve always found this insight into a practitioner’s life tremendously off-putting. I want my teachers to be infallible. To live solely on the mat wherein they will care for my body and mind as gently as they would their grandmother’s hand across a busy intersection.

Now I realise how naïve that is.

My initial mistrust of the wellbeing space came from how anti-female and privileged it was. As people far more articulate than me have pointed out, it was being used by a capitalist system as the new “woke” bikini body. Tricking women into feeling empowered while at the same time keeping them focused on being thin, clear-skinned and, above all, passive.

All number of quotes in cursive fonts on pastel Insta tiles, suggesting we hold within us the power of change, that we can manifest our own destinies and abundance if only we can control our thoughts into sunny positivity, and that we alone are responsible for any negativity in our lives.

As someone who naturally likes to question, challenge and probe (sorry Mum!), I found this focus on passivity increasingly unsettling and anti-female. Wellness has been weaponised to be used against us. It demands we take accountability for our own fate, and alludes to the tools of change being within our control.

Also, manifestation programmes are expensive!

In recent times the proliferation of QAnon conspiracy theories and white supremacy in these so-called wellbeing circles has led me to such a level of distrust I can barely find my way to the mat.

In the US it reached such a crisis point that concerned teachers signed a pledge distancing themselves from it.

Supporters of Trump, including Jake Angeli, a QAnon supporter known for his painted face and horned hat, enter the US Capitol on January 6, 2021 (Photo: Saul Loeb/AFP via Getty Images)

Closer to home we have no such guidance. And it struck me that where once I wanted to know nothing about a teacher, I now need to know at least the very basics. Such as, am I being manipulated by people who hold opposing values to me for reasons other than my mental wellbeing?

At first it was unfathomable to me that so many women in this “wellbeing” space were peddling misinformation – from yoga and meditation teachers through to food bloggers, nutritionists and natural birth advocates. But on reflection, perhaps it makes sense.

From endometriosis and menopause through to autoimmune issues, women are often let down by mainstream medicine. We also make the bulk of parental decisions around household medical care, such as vaccination schedules. All of this naturally leads to a level of mistrust that is now being readily exploited – by those who built it.

The same woman I interviewed about her acclaimed natural beauty line, who mentioned her use of jade eggs to me (and, later, Gwyneth), did an Instagram post in regards to Black Lives Matter, saying that the number one issue facing Black people in America is their adverse reactions to vaccinations. She is now using that rhetoric to speak out against the Covid-19 vaccine, talking directly to a population who have been disproportionately impacted by the disease (she is not Black herself).

Who can I trust? When we published our story on Lonely lingerie being run by QAnon conspiracy theorists, the few posts bagging it were from people affiliated with the wellness industry. We received a Facebook message from a woman who a quick Google search showed to be the commercial manager for a local glossy mag who runs “healing circles for women” in her spare time and cites the chiropractor featured in the story as her mentor.

“What shit journalism,” she wrote. “I hope you get slammed legally and this whole Ensemble business goes away and we get left with quality media in this country.”

One yoga teacher I trust once noted to me that the practice appeals to those who want a platform and love the sound of their own voice, given they are literally given a stage and a captive audience.

Social media has served to amplify that platform and grow that audience. I was reminded of her observation as I watched Trump-supporting “lightworkers” invade Capitol Hill and literally steal Nancy Pelosi’s podium for themselves.

Another trusted local teacher told me recently, visibly shaken, that after referencing Black Lives Matter in class, a (white male) participant came up to her afterwards and chewed her ear off about All Lives Matter.

I really miss yoga. I miss the confidence it gives me in a body I was made to feel let me down. I miss the learnings it gives me to breathe through difficult circumstances, and I miss the space it creates in my body, mind and life. I miss exploring this and other modalities, the excitement of knowing a little bit of woo woo might unlock something playful or profound.

While acknowledging my white privilege, I miss “working on myself”. When there are so many other people facing greater crises than me, is it even justifiable? And what if I unwittingly give a misogynist white supremacist wearing lycra my money?

Keep going!
dog with money
Image: Getty Images/Tina Tiller

SocietyFebruary 27, 2021

The price of love

dog with money
Image: Getty Images/Tina Tiller

Linda Burgess, who has just spent a fortune on a ball of fluff, reflects on the animals who have left paw prints on her heart.


Childhood pets?

I don’t come from a particularly animal-loving family and when I was five or six I had to argue persuasively, plead even, to adopt Rastus (yes, names for cats go in and out of fashion). My friend lived on a farm and her dad was just about to chuck Rastus and his unwanted siblings, born to a stray cat in their tractor shed, into the river. It was common practice. They were to be put into a sack with a couple of bricks and that was that problem dealt with. My little heart bled. 

Rastus, whose short coarse coat was a blotchy mix of dirty brown and dingy black, wasn’t one to show gratitude and over his few months with us repaid our family with feral hissing, multiple scratches and the odd dose of ringworm. If alive today, he’d never have made it onto Facebook. When I came home from school one day to be told almost convincingly that tragically Rastus had met his end under the wheels of a car, I sobbed theatrically rather than completely honestly. Weekly cost: nothing much. The butcher used to chuck in scraps.

Putch was next. When I was 10, Dad was promoted to manage a bank in a new town and we were to live above the bank. The bank manager vacating both the job and the house asked if we’d mind looking after Putch just for a week or two. One day, months later, I came home from school to be informed – and my parents did it sensitively, they had pleaded to keep him – that Putch’s “real” family had, without notice, come to claim him. Putch was a solidly built, languid, soft-furred old tabby who happily spent his life asleep on my bed and this time my tears were real. Cost: as above.

Not Putch, but reminiscent (Photo: Getty Images)

Other cats?

Kimba, a ball of fur given to my younger sister by some smitten boy. Pale red fur, resembling the colour of my father’s hair when young. A chinchilla pinkie rumoured to be somewhere in his genes. Sister left home, so all four children now gone. Mum and dad, like many parents before them, took over and became smitten. At 9pm daily, when they had their cup of tea and a biscuit, Kimba did too. Then one day, he was gone. My father’s theory: the man down the road who sold firewood for a living, and also animal skins, had stolen him for his splendid coat; too awful to contemplate. We crept past his house, peering in his garage, looking unsuccessfully for evidence. But it was trial without jury: Dad never bought firewood from him again. 

Cost: tinned cat food, butcher’s scraps, home-made gingernuts. My father’s heart.

Feet, a stray who turned up at our student flat in Christchurch and sort of stayed. A stupendously intelligent, empathetic animal. Cost: a small percentage of the money in our weekly kitty was spent on tins of cat food. I guess. I can’t actually remember. I think, though, that the only option was something called jellymeat. My olfactory memory can’t forget the smell of it, unfortunately, and my echoic (new word!) memory can summon up the ad at will.

Mehitabel, given to me by Robert for my 22nd birthday. Price: free, she came from the litter of a friend’s cat. Which was the usual way of getting a pet. Cost? Not sure. Was she spayed in the two years we had her before waving her tearfully goodbye in her new home, and taking off to France? She must’ve been, otherwise there’d have been kittens. The few of you who know the source of her name will be thinking What kittens? Jellymeat. Sheep’s heart.

Your children had pets?

Well, Minnie was Gemma’s. And there was Minnie’s bad lot singleton daughter Sophie, aka Lady Macbeth, and HER litter of lovely kittens, a throwback to their granny, all of whom were happily rehomed. There were also guinea pigs, a hamster who ate an entire towel in France, a lamb called Rodney, white mice, hens which showed their disdain for us by wandering in through the back door and crapping on the kitchen floor. No eggs. A rescue duckling (Francis), a rabbit. Goldfish. A winged horse called Pegasus. The usual. Cost: $5 at a pet shop. Just like the puppy in the song, we saw Minnie through a window, a few days before Gemma turned five. “Five dollars?” said Robert’s mother, aghast. “You paid money? For a cat??” Spaying, finally. A visit with a happy ending to the vet when she accidentally spent a few minutes tumbling in the dryer. Flea powder, probably. No vaccinations, from memory. A few dollars for, in her dotage, the last sad visit to the vet, then brought home to rest under the apricot tree. Jellymeat. Chuck steak. Sheep’s heart.

So when…?

I blame Biggles Atkins for my changing sides. He was a Bernese mountain dog, the first of three in the Atkins household. They are like St Bernards, only slightly smaller. They are storybook dogs who lie round just begging for you to bury your face in their gloriously thick black, white and golden coat. They pant quietly; they have a tongue which lolls. Attractively – which isn’t the case with humans. With their trustworthy demeanour they look like they would gallantly save you in a snowstorm, although this is unprovable because Palmerston North was unobliging when it came to snowstorms. 

They are heartbreakers in many ways, but most specifically because all too often they do not make old bones. The Atkins were kind enough to phone me, to invite me out to their house to say goodbye to Biggles, suffering from inoperable cancer. I decided not to love Algy and Cobber quite so much. Cost: nothing – financially. Well, not to us.

Sunny and her felt doppelganger, made for Linda by her daughter Gemma (Photo: Supplied)

So no other dog stole your heart?

I was just coming to Sunny. Our grandpuppy. A red border collie. A darling if there ever was. Convenient to add to the conversation when friends with dogs bragged and boasted about them. A great fan of a roast potato dropped discreetly from my end of the table, in spite of a chorus of don’t waste them on her, and, Mum, we don’t feed her from the table. As with Biggles, you could trust her to save your life if your childhood fears about quicksand became a reality. And like Biggles, she’s a proper dog. Cost: the stealing of our hearts. 

What about one of your very own?

Well, there was Covid-19, wasn’t there. You could walk along the middle of the road in lockdown, it was so quiet. You had to, anyway. Two metres from other people in what now feels like the olden days. Everyone talked across the gap. The lucky ones had dogs. Two of my best friends got puppies.

December 29, 2020. Badger, a ball of brindled fluff. Aged 10 weeks. 

Cost: 10% of the price of our first house. No – 12%.

Vet visit to be microchipped. Vet visits for two vaccinations. Each time a quick glance at his armpits, his knees, his little balls, etc. It’s called a consultation. Yes! We have PayWave!

Collars, leads, crates, a cleverly designed bottle to drink out of, things that squeak, things that are chewable, gnawable, toys that extend him intellectually. Treats to reward him for not being a little prat. Stuff for worms and fleas. A book costing $45 which we’ve never used because we’re just not Zen. Special balls from overseas, bought online in a moment of madness, that we’re still waiting for. A home visit from a puppy specialist. Pet insurance. Puppy preschool. Puppy primary school, secondary school and if he’s clever, university. Registration, taken in person to the Wellington office where he took as normal all the staff falling to their knees and adoring him. Haircuts, pedicures. To come: neutering. And then there’s the food. Environmentally friendly food inspired by nature. Salmon has been caught in the pure wild streams for him, possums taken gently from their resting place on the road, free range hens have willingly given up their lives for him. Your puppy deserves the best. Thank you for giving us your superannuation. 

linda burgess' dog badger
Badger

Dare I ask – has it been worth it?

Well I do worry that he’s not a real dog, not one you could count on to drag you from the burning house. He’s sort of working out that not everyone wants him to leap up and maul their knees. Or gently bite their fingers. Sort of. And that carpet’s not for peeing on. He’s in awe of Sunny, who tolerates him in a slightly tired, haughty way. But can I just mention that in spite of tough competition, he was singled out at puppy preschool? To demonstrate sit and stay? 

Just the once.