I want to come back, but it seems like the economy is a sinking ship.
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Hera, help!
I am in my early 30s, recently married, and have lived abroad for the better part of a decade – right now I’m in London. I don’t regret any of it, but as with any life choice, it has come with sacrifice: I’ve been away from home, my family and friends, and have traded a sense of belonging for new experiences. Now, as my husband and I save for a house, want a dog, think about the “do we want a child” question, and desire a more chill lifestyle, the idea of building a community (locally) feels important. That means staying in one place.
We don’t want to stay in the UK. We also don’t want to go back to Christchurch (our home base). We want to live in a cool city with easy access to nature and beaches, and we’ve narrowed it down to Auckland or Melbourne. We don’t know either city well, nor do we know people in either, so we will starting from scratch. It feels like an impossibly huge decision because we’re sick to death of moving around. We want a place to call home long-term.
Everything is screaming at us that job opportunities, better wages, cheaper housing and better lifestyles are in Aussie. Every news article is talking about the thousands of Kiwis giving up on NZ. My husband is leaning towards Melbourne for these reasons. But my heart yearns to be back in NZ where things feel familiar, peaceful, home – Kiwi vibes, you know?!
If we decide Auckland, are we shooting ourselves in the foot financially? Will we struggle for good jobs, get bored, want to leave? If we decide Melbourne, will I continue to yearn for home – or is it so similar and close by that it won’t matter anymore? I know people will say “just give either a go for two years and see what happens”, but we don’t want to do that anymore for reasons aforementioned. We want one and done.
How can we make the right choice?
Sincerely,
A woman who really needs to stop ruminating on this every single day of her life
Dear Ruminating,
Deciding where to live is one of those tedious modern problems in which we’re psychologically fatigued by the tyranny of endless choice. How do you weigh the merits of Wayne Brown against a preponderance of reptiles capable of inflicting necrotising flesh wounds? Is it better to board a luxury ocean liner with a vendetta against icebergs than a hole-riddled fishing trawler?
Ideally, you would make the perfect decision once and never have to think about it again. But let me release you from the obligation of believing there’s any such thing as the perfect choice. Decisions are only proven right or wrong in retrospect. There will always be unpredictable geopolitical machinations, strange flukes and happy coincidences. In the end, you have to gather the best evidence you can and take a leap into the unknown. Having said that, I cannot, in good conscience, recommend you move to Auckland.
I will be the first to admit I’m not the best person to answer your question. I have never lived in Australia, so all my advice on the subject is purely speculative, but I recently moved to Dunedin from Auckland, and get a lot of smug, parochial satisfaction from living among the ruins of decaying Country Calendar B-roll, amid mouldering 1980s butcheries and sheepskin outlet stores, where the most exciting events on the cultural calendar are model train shows and Bee Gees tribute acts. In fact, I feel like this is a question where the comments section will be more relevant than anything I have to say. But for what it’s worth, here’s my two cents.
It seems like there are two major factors influencing your decision. The first is professional and financial security. The second is largely vibes-based. Let’s start with the business end of the stick.
I do agree there is, at present, a lingering feeling of doom about New Zealand. Frankly, I’m not surprised young people are leaving in droves. Right now, it’s difficult to have enthusiasm for the political future of this country, especially under the current government, whose ideas are as fresh and inspiring as a Mulled Wine air freshener in a funeral home restroom.
However, it’s impossible to know what the future will bring. Will the sharks finally gnaw through the internet cable, leaving us marooned in a new Eden? Will climate change turn Australia into a 24/7 barbecue shack?
Your job prospects depend a lot on the kind of work you do. I am assuming you’ve spent time browsing the job pages in each city, and have some vague idea of what’s out there, and then weighed that against house prices and cost of living. If not, it might be time to whip out the calculator and do a little recreational math. But unless you’re a Lord of the Rings tour guide, you’ll probably earn more in Melbourne. I don’t know anything about house prices in Australia and can’t be bothered finding out, but I’m sure some real estate aficionados will pop up in the comments.
In terms of vibes, I’ve only been to Melbourne a few times. I liked the XXXL birds, the face-melting sun, and the trams. When I lived in Auckland, I found it depressing. To be fair, I moved several months before the pandemic, so most of my memories of Auckland are of Barfoot & Thompson property inspections, getting lost on motorways and walking past endless mobile phone repair stores on a deserted Queen Street. I do think you have to work hard to make friends in Auckland, especially if you don’t have a ready-made social group you can hijack. Have you considered Wellington? Yes, there is an enormous crater-sized hole where the public sector used to be. But it’s still a beautiful city.
Moving is a pain in the ass. I can completely understand wanting your decision to be over. But is there a compromise to be reached? You don’t have to submit to a two-year trial to gather a little more information. There’s something to be said for coming home with an open mind, sticking your furniture in some great aunt’s garage, and taking a brief holiday to each of your prospective cities. It won’t give you a full picture of what it’s like to live there, but it might give you a better intuitive sense of which place feels more like home.
Trying to make such a big decision when you’re already homesick is a lot like going to the supermarket on an empty stomach. But I will remind you that it’s also possible to be homesick in your own country. Honestly, I think just being in the correct hemisphere will do a lot to take the edge off.
My advice is to read the comments (check back in 24 hours), consider Wellington, and if you can afford to, visit each city before making your final call. But don’t stress out too much. This kind of decision is always a leap of faith. All you can do is weigh the pros and cons, roll the dice, and then do your best to make the most of it. The reality is, if you do regret your choice, it’s not the end of the world, and you can always leap back across the ditch.
Best of luck.
