Intellectually disability advocate Dianne Pelvin describes what it felt like to hear NZ First leader Winston Peters call the Greens ‘retarded’ this week, and then double down when challenged on his use of the term.
I’m 53. I have two brothers and a sister, and both my oldest brother and I have an intellectual disability. We were born with it, but we don’t know what it is. I went through mainstream schooling – I wasn’t put into a special school or special classes or anything, and neither was he. Same in high school. But I found it quite hard. I was bullied a lot, growing up. Not so much as an adult but I have heard of and seen other people with intellectual disabilities being bullied. That name – retard – it’s not nice. It shouldn’t be used by anybody. Not even a politician.
When I was at school and kids used that word on me, it really upset me. It’s not just disrespectful, it’s like labelling someone. Nothing was done about it at school. Teachers looked the other way. I didn’t really get bullied so much once I left. I didn’t start working until 2000, and I did a lot of courses in between. I was accepted as an individual. Some of the adults were more understanding than children. Kids just see the surface and follow whatever they see other kids doing. Or see their parents do it and follow suit, so there needs to be more education everywhere.
People say words can’t hurt you. That’s not true. They can. They can very much. They can be more hurtful than a punch in the arm or a punch in the face. When I heard someone [Winston Peters] that powerful use that word, I felt disgusted. Disgusted and upset. He should have been pulled up for it. He shouldn’t get away with saying he didn’t know better – he’s been around a long time, he would have gone to school with people with disabilities at some point. It’s totally disgusting. We are people. We’ve got a disability, an intellectual disability, but we are people. Have you heard the phrase “labels are for jars, not people”? That’s something we say a lot. Labels are for jam jars, not people.
I’ve been an advocate for over 20 years now. I’ve seen some things improve. High school students are pretty good – I haven’t heard them using “dumb” or “retard”. That word makes me feel like I can’t do anything, even though I know I can. I can do stuff. I’m talented in my own way. I held down a job at Idea Services doing advocacy for 12 years.
I live in an Idea Services flat in Christchurch and I support people to speak up and talk to their house manager or the other staff. I’ve done a bit of teaching for people with intellectual disabilities. I used to teach an old gentleman computers but he’s not around anymore. I’ve been involved in projects with Donald Beasley Institute in Dunedin and have been on a number of committees and now am working for Idea again, for about three years now. In my new role I mentor a lot of people, I teach them to have a voice, I’m on a number of committees and the chief executive advisory group, the disabled employee network. So I’m busy.
People don’t know what it’s like. Unless you’ve grown up with a sibling who has an intellectual disability, or a disability yourself, or you’ve had an accident and ended up with one, you have no idea what it’s like. It can be quite hard. A lot of people with disabilities don’t hold a driver’s licence. It’s improving. We’ve been advocating for accessible facilities too – making things easier to get into for people in wheelchairs so people can get around and take part in their community without needing support. I have seen heaps of improvement on that.
If I could say one thing directly to Winston Peters, it would be this: please don’t use any mean words like that. It discredits us. We’re not retards. We’re not dumb. We’re people.
And I’d ask him – how would you like it? To be labelled. To be labelled as a retard or dumb? You wouldn’t like it. That’s how I feel. And I know a lot of people with intellectual disabilities would agree with me.
–As told to Henry Oliver
