The Hand belonging to Joanah Ngan-Woo
The Hand belonging to Joanah Ngan-Woo

Summer 2022January 3, 2023

I can’t stop thinking about The Hand

The Hand belonging to Joanah Ngan-Woo
The Hand belonging to Joanah Ngan-Woo

Summer read: Joanah Ngan-Woo’s hand sealed a World Cup victory for the Black Ferns. Madeleine Chapman celebrates it.

First published November 14, 2022.

I can’t stop thinking about The Hand. The Hand is on my mind whenever I reach out to grasp something or someone waves at me. When I successfully pick up a mug, I remember The Hand. When I scratch my head, I remember The Hand. As I type these words, The Hand is there. 

The Hand belongs to Joanah Ngan-Woo, a 26-year old Wellingtonian playing in her first Rugby World Cup. During the tournament, Ngan-Woo was on a break from her day job working as a policy analyst for the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and Trade. She will likely return to that job and use her hand(s) to type emails and staple papers but on the night of Saturday, November 12, 2022, Ngan-Woo single handedly sealed a World Cup win for the Black Ferns. 

Look at it. Yes, it looks kind of funny because any fast action looks funny when reduced to a single frame, but this single frame perfectly captures the Black Ferns’ entire World Cup campaign. That is Ngan-Woo’s left hand. In this frame, the final play of the match, Ngan-Woo has played 15 minutes total. She subbed on in the 65th minute as a reserve lock. I know this because I searched “Ngan-Woo” in one of the final live blogs and there was exactly one result, which was to note that she had subbed in. There was no mention of The Hand.

Ngan-Woo was the starting lock for the Black Ferns’ opening day match against Australia and also a pool match against Scotland. Otherwise she was a replacement lock. 

In this frame, the Black Ferns had conceded four tries from lineout drives. And in the 80th minute, being five metres out from a your own tryline with an England lineout on the way is about the last thing anyone wanted. In this frame, New Zealand had resorted to not even contesting the lineouts in favour of preparing for the maul. 

For the last play of the game, the team decided that Ngan-Woo would contest the throw. If England won the lineout, it was almost inevitable that they would score and take home the World Cup. They’d won nearly all their lineouts to this point so the odds were still very much in their favour.

Look at this. That is as high as Ngan-Woo was lifted. Look at the England player. Now look at the ball. There is nothing in this frame that suggests any outcome other than a clean England lineout followed by a clean maul followed by a clean try followed by England as champions. Except for The Hand.

I’m still not sure (physically) how this happened. The ball was right there for England. It was a good throw and a good lift. But Ngan-Woo had The Hand. The Hand with fingers stretched more than I knew was possible in a hand. Stretched so much that in any other situation it would be roundly mocked at family gatherings. The square footage in that hand is huge. That hand could catch two rugby balls at once.

The England player is all squared up, two hands at the ready. There’s only one hand from Ngan-Woo, a literal last-minute act of desperation. Much like the Black Ferns’ World Cup campaign, the odds are against it and it’s a messy lead-up but that scrappy claw doesn’t care. All it needs is one chance.

The Hand is heavily bandaged – Ngan-Woo herself is heavily bandaged with both legs and both wrists strapped every game. The Hand has done this before. The Hand is clearly a known menace to every rugby team on the other side of it. In this moment, The Hand does exactly what it has always done: it gets in the way and swats the ball back to the other great hands of Krystal Murray. The game is won and The Hand’s job is done.

Those of us privileged enough to have been at Eden Park when it happened didn’t get to see The Hand in all its glory. We were too distracting by winning that we didn’t stop to think about what had just been created: a five-fingered legend.

There are a thousand moments in every sports match that decide the final result. Every missed tackle or kick or try could be the thing that changes the outcome. But when it all comes down to it, the final play is the final play. And on Saturday night, the final play was Ngan-Woo’s hand, coming up like the hand of God to gift victory to the Black Ferns. I love The Hand, even as a photo of a TV because Spark Sport doesn’t allow screenshots. 

Diego Maradona’s hand caused controversy, heartache and anger for decades after the 1986 Football World Cup. Joanah Ngan-Woo’s hand brings nothing but joy.

Put The Hand in Te Papa. Or at the very least, frame the shot and hang it at Eden Park forever.

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Madeleine Chapman
— Editor
Keep going!
It’s PC gone baaa’d (Image: TVNZ / Archi Banal)
It’s PC gone baaa’d (Image: TVNZ / Archi Banal)

Summer 2022January 3, 2023

What did Country Calendar do to make farmers so mad? An investigation

It’s PC gone baaa’d (Image: TVNZ / Archi Banal)
It’s PC gone baaa’d (Image: TVNZ / Archi Banal)

Summer read: Country Calendar is the last bastion of traditional New Zealand television, but last year something shocking happened. Sheep correspondent Tara Ward reports.

First published July 1, 2022.

After 56 years on our television screens, Country Calendar finally went rogue. Last Sunday night, the placid documentary series that celebrates shearing and silage featured an episode filmed on Lake Hāwea Station in Central Otago. It followed a wealthy farming family who use unconventional methods to nurture and protect their stock and land, and it made farmers around the country steaming mad.

Viewers turned against the top-rating series like never before, expressing their outrage on social media. This was the worst episode of Country Calendar they’d ever seen, they said. This wasn’t real farming, they argued. Some turned their televisions off in disgust, others accused the show of breaking their hearts. Over 1,500 comments about the episode filled the Country Calendar Facebook page, and while many praised the farm’s approach, the majority of comments were negative.

Country Calendar viewers headed to social media after last week’s episode (Screengrab: TVNZ)

On Tuesday, Country Calendar made the unusual move of addressing the negative feedback. “Hyundai Country Calendar is about all sorts of rural people, rich and poor, doing all sorts of things – sometimes different from the norm,” they wrote on Facebook. “We think it’s good to show what different types of people are doing on the land and let them have their say.” In another post, they said they knew viewers would find the episode challenging, but that the owners of Lake Hāwea Station are as passionate about the land as any other farmer featured on the series.

Farmers turning against Country Calendar? Say it isn’t so! Let’s slide down the shitty drop chute of social media and into Country Calendar’s farmy arms to find out what all the fuss was about.

Sunday night, 7.00pm

The iconic, gentle twang of Country Calendar’s theme song begins. Dogs around the country begin to bark in joyous anticipation, and everything is as it should be.

7.01pm 

Geoff Ross and Justine Troy at Lake Hāwea Station (Screengrab: TVNZ)

We meet Geoff Ross and Justine Troy, two “urban entrepreneurs” who purchased Lake Hāwea Station in 2019. The founders of vodka brand 42 Below both grew up on and around farms, and the pair wanted to return to the challenges of the land.

Lake Hāwea Station is Australasia’s first certified carbon zero farm, and Geoff and Jussie speak of their immense respect for the farming community. They also describe themselves as “natural disrupters”. “We weren’t going to arrive into the sector and not try and ask some questions,” Jussie says.

7.02pm

The trouble begins. “I got two minutes and 12 seconds into this episode and quit,” one disgruntled viewer announced on Country Calendar’s Facebook page. “Wokeness has invaded Country Calendar. Switched over to Family Guy after three minutes,” another said. Family Guy is an award-winning cartoon that also features unconventional approaches to farming, while Country Calendar is yet to show a cow driving a convertible.

7.03pm

Jussie explains compassion for animals is at the centre of everything they do on the farm. This led them to painting the shearing shed white to identify any bleeding sheep, and adding “beautiful” little mattresses at the end of the drop chute to give freshly-shorn stock a softer surface to land on.

We all deserve a good night’s sleep (Screengrab: TVNZ)

Those aren’t the only changes. Scorecards are used “to incentivise the shearer on the experience of the sheep”, and classical music replaces the heavy metal bangers in the woolshed. “It’s about gentle music that make the animals feel more calm,” Jussie says, who acknowledges not all shearers appreciate the switch. “When I come along and ask for Debussy or Vivaldi, everyone’s like, oh that’s a bit of a buzzkill.”

Buzzkillers swarm to Country Calendar’s social media in response, questioning if this was one of Country Calendar’s famous pisstake episodes from when farming was farming and turkeys wore gumboots. “Scorecards for shearers is crapola,” said one commenter, dropping some classic Kiwi farming lingo. “Remind me to roll out the red carpet next time we weigh the heifers!” said another, which seems a lovely way to support our wool industry. “I am a little surprised the sheep couldn’t pick their hairstyle on the way in. Seemed a bit mean,” wrote one disappointed fan. Fingers crossed we get a follow-up episode to see if this dream comes true.

Where’s Ed Shear-han when you need him (Screengrab: TVNZ)

7.07pm

Geoff Ross explains these changes are to reassure overseas wool buyers that shearing doesn’t harm sheep. The audience is far from reassured, declaring the episode to be “marketing bullocks”, “oh so fluffy” and full of “dribble”. “I’m sure our city friends would have loved it,” one acerbic onlooker concludes, cutting straight through every townie’s soft mattressy core.

7.11pm

Geoff takes us to the paddocks above Lake Hāwea to discuss the farm’s regenerative planting processes. “You can’t complain about the view,” a worker tells us, but of course you can. “All I seen is a bunch of rich pricks pushing bs agenda,” someone complains, a quote that probably won’t be picked up by Tourism Wānaka.

7.14pm

Cows, grass, tractors. “Country Calendar is not the program it once was,” a commenter writes. The Ross family discuss their predator control efforts to increase the local skink population, and the 17,000 native trees they’ve planted. It’s 17,000 too many for some. “Country Calendar used to be the best show on TV. Unfortunately now it’s unwatchable. Should be called ‘Country Life Style’,” suggests one helpful viewer.

7.24pm 

Country life style (Screengrab: TVNZ)

Geoff and Jussie’s youngest son talks about his passion for hunting, but doesn’t mention if they play Vivaldi to the stags before they shoot them. “An embarrassment for real farmers to view,” reads one comment.  “Can we get back to innovative farming please,” says another. “Still convinced it was a set-up!” writes a third, possibly a turkey wearing gumboots.

7.29pm

Geoff and Jussie hope their work will inspire others to make farming become a solution, rather than a problem, in the climate crisis. Country Calendar’s most controversial episode is over, but not before becoming the highest rating episode of the season. It’s no wonder. “I”m going to watch this again, just to make sure it isn’t a joke,” wrote one viewer. “Unbloodybelievable”.

Country Calendar is on Sunday nights on TVNZ 1 at 7pm and streams on TVNZ+.


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