Dog Almighty feature 2

Pop CultureOctober 19, 2020

Meet the very good dogs of TVNZ’s canine contest Dog Almighty

Staff writer
Dog Almighty feature 2

They’re competing to be named top dog, but they’ve already won our hearts.

Nothing brings the nation together like a good dog. Ask Spot or the SPCA dogs that learned to drive, or even John Campbell and Matty McLean speaking directly to the good dogs of New Zealand, live on Breakfast television. Tonight, new reality TV competition Dog Almighty begins its search for the country’s most talented pooch, in the hope of finding out once and for all which New Zealand dog is the goodest dog of all.  

Presented by Jono and Ben, Dog Almighty will put 70 dogs and owners through a series of tricky and ridiculous challenges to test agility, obedience and x-factor. The pets will be pushed to their limits in a purpose built ‘Doggy Dome’, where they’ll be assessed by a team of celebrity judges and supported by sideline hosts Athena Angelou (Flava, Celebrity Treasure Island) and an expert dog trainer named Doggy Dan. The dogs will play rugby. They’ll play the piano. They’ll probably do a lot of sniffing, and things are going to be tense.

What happens in the Doggy Dome stays in the Doggy Dome, but I’m guessing that as the competition ramps up and dogs start getting sent home, nerves will be high. Some pooches will crack under the pressure. Someone will call someone else a bitch and there’ll be paws at dawn, but the last dog standing will win a gold feeding bowl and their owner will get $100,000, which seems an entirely fair and equitable way of splitting the prize.

Jono & Ben, the hosts of Dog Almighty, and some very good cardboard dogs.

Who are these brave hounds seeking glory in the Doggy Dome? Basically, they are the best creatures among us. They find people lost in the bush, they help their owners recover from illness, and one of them snores like a pig. Some are agility experts, others are new to competition, but whatever their skill and experience, the emotional bonds between Dog Almighty’s owners and pets will fill the weariest of hearts.

Like The Bachelor about to meet his potential brides, it’s time for us to meet some of the dogs of Dog Almighty. Prepare to fall in love at first sight, because these glorious creatures don’t care about the election result, or Covid-19, or whether or not they can actually play the piano. That’s why they’re good dogs, and whatever else happens in 2020, we will always have the good dogs of Dog Almighty.

Echo

Echo’s biggest strength is ‘her love of treats’, which is also my biggest strength, so we’re all winners here. Tragically, Echo’s owner reckons they have little chance of success on Dog Almighty, due to Echo having no experience in all the things they’ll be judged on. A literal underdog, if you will.  

Pixie

Fit as a fiddle, sharp as a knife. Pixie became internationally famous during lockdown when she learned how to perform CPR on her owner Tania, so you may as well just give her that golden bowl right now. A dog saving lives, one slobbery kiss at a time, as we live and breathe.

Maisy

Maisy’s owner Rachel reckons she’s a doggy inspiration, because Maisy gives everything 110% despite having three legs. “I wanted to show people what she could achieve,” Rachel said of her reason for entering Dog Almighty. I know we’re not supposed to play favourites, but Maisy, I think I love you.

Josie

Not only is Josie the biggest dog in the competition, maybe even the world, but she “snores soooo loudly and sometimes sounds like a pig”. Same, Josie, same.

Diva

Grinners are winners, mates.

Coco

Hello, chocolate lovers. Owner Scarlett calls Coco her soul mate, because she’s cheeky and opinionated and loves running through tunnels. Let’s be honest, that’s what we all want in a soul mate.  

Bo

Don’t let Bo’s tiny size fool you, and definitely don’t fall for the charms of that tiny ponytail on her head. Bo might be the smallest dog in the competition, but owner Louie says she’s definitely not “a handbag dog”. As if we’d even think that Bo, you absolute beast.  

Red

Best mates Red and owner Barry are search and rescue legends, used to rescuing people in high pressure situations. Sure, saving lives is important, but will Red be able to bust out Chopsticks on the Doggy Dome piano? That’s the pressure situation I’m here for.

Rufus

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    Rufus and owner Laurelin have a tight bond, which was formed when Rufus helped Laurelin recover from serious surgery. He also arguably has the best tongue in the competition, and is definitely a good dog.

    Dog Almighty screens on Monday and Tuesday nights on TVNZ 2 from 19 October.

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    TV election coverage feature image

    Pop CultureOctober 18, 2020

    The best, the worst and the weirdest of last night’s election TV coverage

    Staff writer
    TV election coverage feature image

    Tara Ward recaps the highs and lows of last night’s free-to-air television election coverage. 

     “Thank God it’s over,” John Campbell declared in the opening moments of 1 News’ election broadcast, but really, we’d only just begun. John and Hilary Barry were in charge of the catchy ‘1 News Your Vote 2020 Election Night Special’, and Hilary needed to set something straight before any results arrived. Tonight was about the general election, she told us, not the referendums. “Jazz cabbage is not on tonight’s agenda,” Hilary reminded us, just in case we were hoping to up our 5+ a day. Simon Dallow was ready to show off his augmented reality graphic of the Beehive, but failed to conjure up some AR jazz cabbage. Not angry, Simon, just disappointed. 

    The first preliminary result arrived quicker than David Seymour in a speed boat, giving Labour 50.5% of the party vote. There were gasps from the 1 News team, though maybe they were still mulling over Wendy Petrie’s cliffhanger about Jacinda Ardern’s cheese scones. It was Saturday night live starring jazz cabbage and cheese scones, and John had peaked.  “Is it too early to call it and go home?” he asked. It was 7.09pm.

    The mood was more serious on Newshub, as Duncan Garner and Tova O’Brien chewed the political fat with Linda Clark and Paul Henry, while over on Māori Television, David Jones discussed election night nerves with Georgina Beyer and Claudette Hauiti. Everyone was ready to ask the big questions.  “Is Judith Collins toast?” they wondered on Three. “Has Mark Mitchell been abducted by aliens?” John Campbell mused. “What’s Neve up to?” Wendy Petrie asked Clarke Gayford, who was standing outside his house holding a platter of venison balls and snapper bites.

    Wendy and Kanoa Lloyd were all over Clarke’s impromptu buffet of balls and banter. “Grab a plate and get stuck in,” Clarke told them, before Newshub cut to poor old Jesse Mulligan, trapped in a roadworks apocalypse somewhere behind SkyCity Grand Hotel, waiting for Judith Collins to arrive. National usually love a road, but this one sucked. Later, we saw Mulligan standing alone in the dark, with only Collins’ autobiography for company. It was one heck of a mood.

    Reporters from each channel took us on a journey from north to south, crossing live to election parties and Kelvin Davis poetry recitals. After an hour of results, John Campbell wondered if the Labour Party was so excited they might start swapping keys, while someone at Newshub suggested they play a round of “Name That Act MP”. “No one can,” Linda Clark said. “Not even David Seymour,” Paul Henry added. Oh, how we laughed.

    Seymour had the last laugh, though, as he sailed into election night on his speed boat of dreams. He was floating on air, a slippery sea nymph surfing a rabid wave of popularity. He crossed live to Newshub, where Tova asked him to name some of his MPs. “You’re very funny Tova, but I’ll make the jokes,” Seymour said. “Take it away,” Tova replied. “Sorry?” David said, as his sound dropped out and the opportunity for unprecedented mirth and merriment was lost forever.

    When the swing to the left became evident, Newhub’s Patrick Gower released the beast within. Results were coming in thick and fast and hard and early, and Paddy was navel deep in a political bloodbath. “It’s blue murder on National’s dance floor!” he cried. “Collins has been crushed! Labour is creaming it!” National’s Chris Bishop closed his eyes and pretended none of this was happening, while on TVNZ, panelist Nikki Kaye became more and more miserable, forcing Hilary Barry to lighten the mood with another classic jazz cabbage reference.

    “It’s an enema that’s gone through the caucus,” former National MP Chris Finlayson said of his party’s performance, but Paddy was hitting his second wind. He could barely contain himself when the Waiariki result kept changing before his eyes. “I wanna get tight! I want to do some things!” he shouted. “The geyser went KABOOM! I can’t turn my back! Whoa!”

    “Would you like a gummy bear?” John Campbell asked sad Nikki Kaye. “They’re good lollies, eh.”

    It was nearly over. Winston thanked his voters and the Greens co-leaders arrived, jubilant over Chlöe Swarbrick’s Auckland Central win. “It’s like a One Direction concert up there,” Guy ‘the poor man’s Clarke Gayford’ Williams told Samantha Hayes.  By 9.14pm, Paddy was ready to call it. “I’m going out on a limb!” he yelled. “Labour has won!” Judith made it through the road cones to concede, and just after ten o’clock, the prime minister arrived to address the nation. Who knows what Jacinda said? I was too busy staring at her security officer’s magnificent moustache. Two ticks for that sluggy masterpiece.

    By midnight, the wheels were officially coming off. Newshub stayed on task until the bitter end, but 1 News was more Telethon than election night. “Who’d have thought, ten years ago, you and I would be here doing the election?” Hilary told John, before offering up more lollies and Girl Guide biscuits from her snack bag. Simon garbled something about a She-Wee, Hilary desperately dinged a bell to shut John up, and John flipped Hilary the bird. “It’s over,” Hilary said, sighing a heavy sigh that we all felt deep in our weary souls. “Nigh-night, see you at the bar.”  

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