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Image: Archi Banal
Image: Archi Banal

MediaDecember 15, 2022

The 10 weirdest local news stories of 2022

Image: Archi Banal
Image: Archi Banal

Just how weird has the news been in 2022? Let Alex Casey count the ways.

Check any news site any time of day in 2022 and you’ll be smacked in the face with images of war, crime, civil unrest, climate catastrophe and economic strife. But, every now and again, there is a ray of light in the darkness. Sometimes it’s an interesting object stuck up a nose. Other times it’s a searing op-ed about a sausage roll. Most of the time it’s a cat on public transport. Let us take a moment to celebrate 2022’s strangest news stories – the Odd Stuffs, the Sideswipes, the stories that piqued our curiosity and threw a bit of bizarro among the badness.


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1. Sandwich scam: Smoker finds pouch tobacco replaced with bread

This story from March 2022 detailed the experience of an Auckland woman who spent $75 on a pouch of Port Royal, only to find that it was filled with a mouldy old sandwich. New World didn’t believe her story, so she took her complaint straight to British American Tobacco. “I was like, ‘look, you’re not going to believe me, and it sounds ridiculous, but there was a peanut butter sandwich in place of my tobacco’,” she told Stuff. “And in the saddest, most woebegone voice he said, ‘Sophie, I do believe you. This is an ongoing problem we’ve been having’.” Turns out the old sandwich switcheroo is a prolific scam across the world, and we can only hope to have more awareness around bread-based-bamboozlement in 2023. 

2. Oh gourd, monster ‘potato’ not actually a spud

In 2021, Dug the potato was a symbol of hope for Aotearoa after a particularly shitty year. The tank of a tuber set the country, and soon the world, abuzz with his gargantuan girth – could humble old New Zealand have just unearthed the biggest potato in history? Alas, celebrity is a mask that eats into the face and it was only a matter of time before things turned sour. In March it was revealed that extensive DNA testing done on Dug found him to not be a potato at all, but a variation of gourd. “It’s been a real roller-coaster of potato-rama,” said Dug’s owner (father?) Colin. “We hopped on the roller-coaster eyes wide open and enjoyed the ride and this was the last real twist.” We were all there with you Colin, we were all there with you

3. Christchurch boy discovers giant earthworm in backyard

In September, nine-year-old Barnaby Domigan introduced the world to Dead Fred, a one metre long earthworm that he found in his back garden in Christchurch. He told Checkpoint that it was “slimy and squishy and stuff like that” and that he “thought of it as like an amazing discovery and I could not believe my eyes.” Neither could we. After slandering the big worm in Live Updates, The Spinoff was forced to apologise to Dead Fred after the biodiversity community took umbrage at our description of him as “nightmare fuel”, a “dirty earth snake” and a “hell monster”. 

4. The enduring mystery of the Hobsonville Point ham

I know it’s gauche to include one’s own work in such a list, but I managed to write 3,500 words on International Women’s Day about an imported $2,400 ham that was found on a sleepy suburban street in Hobsonville Point. Nine months later I am still no closer to the truth (sexist!) but I did get an update from Raf, who found the ham while out walking with his dog. “We kept the ham for maybe a month or so before throwing a homemade pizza dinner at our place where we made an honest attempt at getting rid of most of it,” he said. “We never found out who bought it, nor why it was disposed of. It will forever remain a mystery.” 

5. Bull has ‘legend status’ after surviving 80km trip down river

Including the BULLer River???? Come on!!!!!!

6. Clarke’s cat-ch: Prime Minister’s partner hangs with funny feline in Tonga

There have been so many terrific cat stories out there that it is hard to choose just one. The 2022 crimewave appeared to extend to the feline community, as Stuff reported in May that kleptomaniac cats in Tauranga were found to be working together in a “cat gang” to steal socks, underwear and… mops? Further south, the ODT had a stunning piece on mafioso mob boss Bowie, known as the “gangster cat” of Lawrence. But the greatest cat news came from the first man himself, who shared captivating footage of a cat called Charcoal who simply adores being buried up to his neck in sand. “That’s about the most random thing I’ve seen. And I’ve seen some things!” one commenter wrote at the time.

7. Rare ‘gravel maggot’ found on remote West Coast beach

Gravel maggot > Goblin mode. In May, this extremely rare species of sea slug washed up on the West Coast and our lives were never quite the same. Named Smeagol Hilaris after the pallid Lord of the Rings character, everyone had an opinion on Smeagol. Some thought he looked like Guylian chocolate. Others thought he looked like coke bottle lolly with the sugar granules sucked off. Whatever he looks like, he is our precious and he lives in all of us. 

8. The masked Air NZ baby is the hero we need

It’s been a great year for masks, and not just because Mikey Havoc revealed on The Masked Singer that he has a collection of over one hundred masks. In July, a masked baby on an Air New Zealand flight went viral on social media for being both very cute and very mysterious. “Gotham has Batman, Metropolis has Superman – now New Zealand has The Mask,” wrote Stewart Sowman-Lund on his quest to unmask the Masked Baby. “I may never know for sure. But I do know that in these confusing orange light, omicron-infused times – this is the hero New Zealand deserves, even if it’s not the one we need right now.”

9. Why does Erin Simpson put a raw egg in a sock in her baby’s crib?

Humans have been talking for tens of thousands of years but only now has this combination of words been put together in this order. In November, Stuff reported that influencer, former television host and Hobsonville Ham informant Erin Simpson has been dangling a raw egg in a sock in the corner of her son’s crib to ease his teething pain. I’m less interested in the TikTok pseudo-science here and more concerned with the fact that this is not the first time Erin Simpson has made headlines for challenging egg-based behaviour. Third strike and you’re out, Simpson.

‘Become a member and help us keep local, independent journalism thriving.’
Alice Neville
— Deputy editor

10. Century-old ‘Frozen Charlotte’ dolls unearthed in archaeological dig 

In June, archeologists dug up a bunch of old objects in Christchurch’s CBD including a chamber pot, glass bottles and a gaggle of scary dollies called “Frozen Charlottes”. These girlies from the late 1800s were inspired by an creepy poem called “A Corpse Going to a Ball”, about a young woman who froze to death on her way to a New Year’s Eve ball. That poem then inspired a folk ballad named Fair Charlotte, which then inspired millions of corpse dollies named FROZEN CHARLOTTE, which eventually ended up here in modern day Aotearoa where don’t need any more BAD THINGS. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: Put. Them. Back.

Keep going!
Image: Tina Tiller and Toby Morris
Image: Tina Tiller and Toby Morris

MediaDecember 14, 2022

What The Spinoff did in 2022

Image: Tina Tiller and Toby Morris
Image: Tina Tiller and Toby Morris

Editor Madeleine Chapman walks through the hybrid-working, protest-having, chocolate-eating year that was 2022 on The Spinoff.

In the 2021 version of this article, I looked ahead to 2022 and stated my aspiration for what The Spinoff could be for its readers.

A place to learn, to be informed, to be outraged at injustice, yes. But also a place to rest and relax, whether it’s reading a beautiful profile of someone new, watching a short, heartwarming documentary, or listening to friends talk shit on a podcast. When the world is chaos and every week, month, year is more daunting than the last, it is futile to plan for peace. Perhaps the best we can do is try to weave the slow, joyful moments into the cross-stitch of frantic uncertainty, and see what picture emerges.

Those words were written at the tail end of the delta lockdown and I’m not entirely sure where my mind was but here’s how I think we’ve done.

A place to learn

Something I’ve loved seeing throughout 2022 is the growth of our themed weeks. We had Pet Week in March, [Shortland] Street Week in May, Bleed Week in July, Rent Week in September and Porn Week in November.

The purpose of these weeks has not only been to focus on a particular topic but to provide helpful resources that can be returned to months and even years later, whether that’s a reminder of your rights as a renter or Toby Morris’s Side Eye walking young (and old) readers through the differences between porn sex and real sex.

A place to be informed

It was a big year for local democracy. Our local elections coverage, led by Toby Manhire, ran in the months leading up to the local government elections. The project’s very purpose was to inform readers and voters, both about candidates and issues but also about how the elections work, how to vote and what you’re voting for. 

It feels like a lifetime ago, but the start of 2022 was swallowed up by the protests at parliament. At its core, the protests showed how powerful misinformation can be, and our job here during that time was to shine light on the truth and nothing else. 

A place to be outraged at injustice

Sometimes big moments in a country’s history happen far more quietly than they deserve. The inquiry into abuse in care wrapped recently after months of public hearings with testimony from hundreds of survivors. This year we launched our Quarter Million project, a written and visual series to document merely a fraction of the stories told. This series will carry on into 2023 and include the final report on the inquiry in June.

Alex Casey is second to none when it comes to telling the confronting, heartbreaking and ultimately infuriating stories of sexual misconduct past and present. This year, her longform feature, When the lessons end, was the story our audience spent the most time reading. 

Toby Morris’s Two New Zealands series of The Side Eye is all about the unequal ways our country operates. The Table is the most striking illustration of wealth inequality you’ll read in a long time.

A place to relax

We pride ourselves on publishing good stories, whether they’re investigations, profiles, explainers or essays. As far as good, relaxing reads go, there’s far too many for me to choose so here’s a list of some of my favourites:

…to watch

Taking on some knotty issues with compassion and balance proved to be the 2022 mood, with season three of Alice Snedden’s Bad News resonating with our readers. Iconic former Black Cap Heath Davis featured in season three of Scratched: Aotearoa’s Lost Sporting Legends, and spoke beautifully about his life, becoming the first openly gay Black Cap. Lynley Dodd granted stunning access to her home and life for an evocative portrait of the legendary author. And New Zealand was introduced to Takeout Kids – children growing up in the establishments their parents run.

…or to listen to us talk shit

All your faves, When the Facts Change, Gone By Lunchtime, The Fold, Business is Boring and The Real Pod reliably trucked along in 2022. Nē? wrapped up its first season, which was a huge success, and Conversations that Count – Ngā Kōrero Whai Take enjoyed another great season covering a range of important issues. Having moved into new premises this year, we’ve been working from a fantastic new studio space and also held our first live podcast in our new home with Gone By Lunchtime playing host to Kiri Allan, Erica Stanford and Chlöe Swarbrick to look back on the trio’s first five years in parliament.

Looking for the slow, joyful moments

Nothing showcases the unexpected joy of 2022 better than The Hand. At the end of a year that everyone was quite happy to see fade away, the Black Ferns came along to gift us a month of pure love and fun. The tournament could have gone so many ways, most of them unremarkable, but instead it was the most thrilling and uplifting sports event this country has experienced in a long time. We don’t typically cover sports on The Spinoff but we couldn’t help ourselves once The Hand appeared.

‘Love The Spinoff? Its future depends on your support. Become a member today.’
Madeleine Chapman
— Editor

Onwards

I’m sorry to bang on about The Hand, but The Spinoff’s aim for 2023 is to be more like The Hand. We know we’re not like the big, heavily-resourced news outlets and we’re not trying to be either. Instead, we want to be reliable and steady with the news you need and the stories of all people, and every once in a while produce something truly magical and singular – and a little bit ridiculous – that will still be on your mind weeks later.

The big hitters

I love reading stats so will end with a few fun ones for the curious readers out there. I found these fascinating as they point to the unique demographics and interests of the different social media platforms. 

Site big hitter (time spent reading): When the lessons end

Facebook big hitter: Finding Heath Davis

Instagram big hitter: I went to McAuley High School. It was no ‘joke’.

Twitter big hitter: Heather du Plessis-Allan should be ashamed of how she bullied my daughter 

Who knows what next year will bring but whatever it is, The Spinoff will be there to give you the facts, the context, the colour and, more often than not, the ridiculous observations that no one else thought to care about. 

Ia manuia le kerisimasi!

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