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Paekakariki house

ParentsJanuary 23, 2018

Eight moves in eight years: What unstable housing is like for children

Paekakariki house

Kapiti mum Alexandra Saunders knows the hell of renting. Here she talks to her daughter about the impact eight moves in eight years had on their family.

Back in May, 2016, I was interviewed by TVNZ about renting substandard housing in Wellington. The resulting story said I had “moved [my] young family eight times in as many years because of cold, and damp houses…” but that line was slightly disingenuous. Was I unable to recognise the signs of mould, rising damp and rot in these rentals that I simply bounced from one to the next? Nope. Not on your nelly.

Like many renters seeking competitively priced homes, I was forced to take what was available, and affordable. And in 2015, after a winter of $400 power bills, it became clear “affordable” wasn’t within our means. We made an extreme decision to try and buy a “do-er upper” with our families’ support – outside of Wellington. But that extreme option isn’t there for most Wellingtonians, and it’s kids like ours who are the invisible victims of rising rents.

This photo is from 2015. This is our house. It had an almost non-existent kitchen and a dodgy bathroom. And it was a better option for our family than the Wellington rental market.

In the raging debate over rents we often hear from the same voices. Students, young working professionals – people we expect to be renting – voicing concerns over the extreme rents for inferior properties. But we don’t often hear from those who are also stuck in the rat race of rental nightmares and might never get out: low income people, disabled people, solo parents, parents living in poverty. And we almost never hear from their kids. So I asked my eldest daughter what it was like:

What do you remember about renting?

We rented a lot. Like, lots of houses. I liked the houses, but sort of didn’t like it because we couldn’t paint them the colours that we wanted.

What houses do you remember? (We have lived in five different rentals with stints at my parents place in between).

The Newtown house and the Southgate house.

What was different about the houses we rented and Nana and Grandpa’s house?

Nana’s was better. It was good, like she has good things. It was warm and stuff. I liked my room there when it was just mine.

What was your favourite thing about the houses you remember?

There were stairs [in the Southgate house] and a big backyard with a gate that went to a park and I got to have my own room. And Newtown? I liked the kitchen. It was nice when we had breakfast and stuff.

What were the worst things about those houses?

I could hear my little sister through the walls and the sun came in my room at bedtime and it was so hot! And Newtown? It was really cold in winter. I didn’t like the cold.

How did you find moving?

It was a bit sad. I liked my ceiling. And I missed my neighbours.

Do you think families should rent or own homes? And why?

Families should own homes. It is really cool. You can paint it any colour; like, inside and outside any colour you want and you can decorate it and leave it messy! And there are gardens in most houses and you can have a veggie garden and a backyard you can play in. You can have pets! I like that I can walk to the shops and school.

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Despite moving frequently and having a low family income we tried to give our daughter the stability she needed through set routines and a stable education. Remaining in the school zone through multiple moves was an expensive exercise. Despite this, she had issues with anxiety and the financial stress made being a part of our community challenging. It’s hard to join in when you can’t afford to.

Belonging, being a part of a place, was important to us and is something she hints at herself. When she mentions she “… got to have [her] own room” and “you can decorate it and leave [it] messy!” she’s talking about mana whenua. It’s built into our early childhood curriculum as one of its four core strands – teachers, more than anyone, understand its importance for kids. It’s something highly valued in our new little village outside of Wellington and it obviously has resonated with her too. She knows she can “walk to the shops and school”. She’s connected to her community here. The benefits of having stable housing are vast, far beyond being able to paint the place or own a pet. It’s increased our food security. We can make active choices about how we heat our home and how we manage that financially. We have connections and roots throughout the neighbourhood and feel safe here.

But best of all it’s given us a home.

This is our “after” picture. We now have a warm home with a new kitchen, bathroom and a dog.

But we all know it’s not as simple as “families should own homes.” The housing market is just as unattainable as finding a warm and dry three bedroom in Newtown for less than $700 a week. In the winter of 2015, after being pushed out of our last rental due to rent increases and facing unaffordable power bills in our new one, we found that a mortgage of $225,000 in a town outside of Wellington would cost us just a little under $300 a week, compared to our rent in Wellington of $520 a week. To put that rent into perspective, my partner’s take home pay for the week was $517.

The problem is, the bank wouldn’t even lend us that much. With a 10% deposit, the lending criteria is strict and our little house failed five of the six required checks. But my parents were able to access the required lending and bought the house instead. Purchasing as an investment, the banks didn’t give a hoot about the condition of the house.

My parents could have let it rot, renting all the way.

So what can we do to help families who rent? Should we look overseas to Germany or Ireland, where tenants have the right to long term leases? Long term leases are a core element of secure tenure – being able to choose when and if you leave your home instead of your landlord making that decision for you, either by selling the property (this happened to us twice) or by increasing rents to an unaffordable level (again, twice).

The constant, shifting population of renters is great for private landlords’ pockets, but it’s costing our country – and our kids.

The Growing Up in New Zealand longitudinal study states that “Whether by choice or necessity, regularly moving house may lead to problems accessing social services like education, benefits and healthcare, and affects families’ support networks and friendships”. Beyond long term leases, other options to improve security of tenure include the implementation of rent-to-buy schemes and building more state homes for our most vulnerable families. In her book Pennies from Heaven Dr Jess Berentson-Shaw says that “home ownership in low-income families [is] associated with more positive education outcomes for children, probably due to greater social cohesion and security for the children”. She also discusses the long-term benefits of the security that state houses in New Zealand once offered – a security fast declining as successive governments sell them off.

We need to start recognising that the regular Wellington renter isn’t just a young professional or student – that parents unable to afford $120,000 house deposits and their children are renters too. And we need to change things to allow these families safe and secure homes.

Alexandra Saunders is a writer and mother of two. She runs the Little LEGO Library and girls only STEM group Lego GO Club. She is a passionate advocate for low-income families, kids with special needs and girls in STEM.

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babymania

ParentsJanuary 22, 2018

When Jacindababymania hurts

babymania

Across the country there was celebration over the news prime minister Jacinda Ardern is pregnant with her first child. Privately, there was pain and heartache as those who wish for the chance to have a baby cope with the news. Alicia Young talks about compassion and empathy for those struggling.

Remember that time we hosted the Rugby World Cup? Of course you do. It was inescapable. It was in the paper, it was in your social feeds, it showed up at work in the form of shiny kiwi stickers and little flags. It was months of unavoidable rugby saturation – wonderful for rugby lovers, but incredibly tedious for rugby agnostics like me.

Now we’ve got a new national obsession: Jacindababymania. But rather than being annoying, it’s actually physically painful – and it’s going to go on ALL YEAR.

I was at work when the news broke. The prime minister’s hapu! As conversations raged around me, fever-like heat rose up through my body. My heart shook like a cat at the vet. And I wasn’t the only one. In infertility forums all around the country, people were asking, ‘Is anyone else crying in the bathroom right now?’

“I celebrate what it means for women but my first thought I have to admit was a big fat FUCK.”

–  Private message in an infertility support group

Of course it’s exciting that Jacinda’s breaking the ultimate glass ceiling, but for people dealing with infertility or baby loss, it’s going to be a brutal year. Here’s why:

There will be no escape

Generally you can protect yourself from baby announcements. Someone tells you she’s pregnant, you retreat into your bunker of hurt to work through your ‘agghh why not me’ feelings, and then you emerge – safe in the knowledge that you won’t be reading about the pregnancy in The HeraldThe Guardian and The New York Times. But this announcement is everywhere. And for all the excellent sentiments like this one…

“NZ’s prime minister is having a baby with a man she’s not married to and he’s going to be a stay at home dad while she runs the country. WELCOME TO 2018, MOTHERFUCKERS.”

–  @J9andIf, Twitter

…there are hundreds of heart-stabbing messages from mothers welcoming Jacinda into their fold, and hundreds of conversations scrutinising the details of her pregnancy. It’s only going to get more intense over the coming months as the nation fixates on Jacinda’s maternity wardrobe, her birth plan, and finally, her baby.

“Within minutes of the announcement I’m sitting at work hearing people discuss how far along she is, when she would’ve found out, and I know the answers to those questions because I got pregnant the same time through IVF. I’m sitting here being reminded that I am NOT pregnant anymore. The country is going to go crazy and there’s going to be so much baby hype, happiness and celebration in June while I’m grieving the loss of what could have been.”

–  Private message in an infertility support group

It reinforces the idea that women have to have children in order to be successful

If you need proof that becoming prime minister isn’t enough of an achievement for a woman, consider that people are STILL throwing shade at former PM Helen Clark for failing to reproduce. By contrast, Jacinda is being lauded as within reach of the pinnacle of achievement.

A pregnant PM is a genuinely inspiring story, but… it’s possible to be successful as a woman without having a child, isn’t it? Is it? I thought it was? Helen? Help?

It highlights the gap between families and… er… ‘non-families’?

Are two adults and two pets a family? We’re not the type of family that marketers have in mind when they talk about ‘great family deals’ or ‘fun for the whole family’. We’re not even who progressive Labour had in mind when they kept banging on about “backing Kiwi families” in the lead-up to the election. Even friends can be cruel when they drop thoughtless remarks.

You don’t know what it’s like to be tired.

I wish I could do X, Y and Z, but I’ve got kids.

Having kids gave my life meaning.

Normally people in our situation can hide in plain sight, but with the nation gaga over Jacinda and Clarke, the family-focused first couple of NZ (actual headline from Stuff.co.nz), some of us are feeling pretty exposed. We’re in the midst of a nationwide fertility festival, and there’s a line of us outside the gate who didn’t get tickets.

It perpetuates the myth that anyone who wants a baby can have one

The PM was told she would need medical intervention in order to conceive and her road to pregnancy is likely to have been long and painful too. But it’s the baby announcements that get shared, not the miscarriages and failed treatments, and this perpetuates the myth that almost everyone who wants a baby can have one.

In reality it’s not easy or possible for everyone to get pregnant in their 30s… or even their 20s. Even fertility treatment (if you can stomach the pain, the angst and the cost) doesn’t always get results: IVF fails more often than it works.

And if you think adoption or fostering is easy, think again. We went along to the CYFS adoption course, where the message we received was – don’t hold your breath waiting for a kid. Fostering comes with zero parental leave and ongoing uncertainty. Even if you think you’re on the path towards ‘home for life’, you might still have to give the child back.

There is just no easy answer to infertility.

It brings it home

When shit happens (or doesn’t happen) you build a story around it to make yourself feel better. My story is: “I’m really busy anyway and I achieve more because I don’t have a kid. Plus, I’m worried about the environment and having a kid is the worst thing you can do for the planet.”

Jacinda’s news is a sharp needle bursting my protective bubble. The reality is that I’m mildly busy, but I’m no prime minister. I’m just a slob who sits around watching The Late Show and eating peanuts. And yeah, I care about the environment, but Jacinda does too. I’m sure she and Clarke will do their best on that front. (There are cloth nappy laundering services for those who can afford them. Just one of the things you annoyingly know after six years of expecting to get and stay pregnant.)

Jacinda’s news has forced me to confront the reality that I could fit a child into my life too – if I had the option.

It makes you feel like a jerk

A bold Facebook commenter who wrote, “Oh God, another six months of this, then followed by daily reports on baby’s health … pics of Jacinda addressing the House with baby strapped to body, noooooooooooooooooooooooooo… ….” was met with angry face emojis and scornful replies. When there are pregnant people around you (which, at my age, is 100% of the time), you’re supposed to ‘let them have their moment’ and not ‘rain on their parade’.

But the trouble with that is that the woman who’s lost her baby never gets to have her moment. The couple struggling with infertility never get to have their moment. And so their stories are pushed out of the cultural narrative, and people like me are left to wonder – am I successful? Am I part of a family? Does my life have meaning?

Alicia Young has a master’s degree in creative writing from Victoria University’s Institute of Modern Letters. She has published several short stories and other works. Read her three part series on her IVF journey beginning here.

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This content is entirely funded by Flick, New Zealand’s fairest power deal. In the past year, their customers saved $320 on average, which pays for a cheeky bottle of wine in the trolley almost every shop. Please support us by switching to them right now!