Tara Ward looks back on the weird, wonderful television year that was.
As 2022 comes to a close, it’s time to eat a lot of Scorched Almonds and reflect on the best television moments of the year. In the past 12 months, New Zealand television has given us joyful singalongs, unexpected jazz hands and a Matt Chisholm biscuit tower covered in eggs, but some things on the telly stood out more than others. In no particular order, here are 10 of this year’s most memorable TV moments.
Eli and Johnny quickstep into our hearts on Dancing with the Stars NZ
DWTS had a rough time of it with ongoing Covid-19 disruptions, but this season should be remembered for giving us the first all-male dancing pair of Eli and Jonny. Despite being eliminated in week two, the pair gave us one of DWTS’s most magical and heartwarming dances, ever.
“It is very, very cool to see two men dancing on TV together,” Sam Brooks power ranked. “For many queer kids, especially, this might be the first time they see two men dancing an unambiguously romantic dance together, and to have it on a huge, family-friendly show is not nothing. Also? Matthewson nailed it.”
Dug the Spud is not a potato
Hearts were broken in March when DNA testing revealed New Zealander of the Year Dug the Spud was not the world’s biggest potato, but merely a boring old gourd. Dug and owner Colin made numerous TV appearances both here and overseas to discuss the terrible truth, including Britain’s Good Morning, where Colin described the situation as “a shitty sandwich“. The dream was over, but as Alex Casey wrote, Dug was “not the hero we needed, but the one that we deserved – a knobbly symbol of growth, renewal, surprise and hope.”
Shortland Street turns 30
In May our longest-running soap reached three decades on our screens and celebrated with an ambitious documentary-style special, a revamp of the iconic theme song and celebrity cameos aplenty. The birthday episodes were a creative departure from the show’s usual soapy style, proving that even after 30 years Shortland Street continues to evolve and change, much like Chris Warner’s taste in wives.
Country Calendar pisses off a lot of farmers
The most placid show on television slipped into a silo of controversy in July when an episode about Lake Hāwea Station got some viewers steaming mad. The episode featured a variety of unconventional farming methods, including giving freshly shorn sheep soft mattresses to land on, and farmers took to social media to complain about the “wokeness” of it all. Country Calendar responded to the criticism by saying that the owners of Lake Hāwea Station were as passionate about the land as any other farmer featured on the series. The sheep declined to comment.
Paddy Gower drops the F-bomb during the Queen’s funeral coverage
The Queen’s death in September saw us soak up every random aspect of her passing, but it was Patrick Gower’s big swear that proved as memorable as the spider on the coffin. Gower dropped the F-bomb during a live cross from London, when members of the crowd yelled out to Jacinda Ardern as she departed for Westminster Abbey. “Fuck, they do know her,” Gower said off camera, later apologising to both Queen and Commonwealth. What can we say? It was the fucking news.
The Block NZ auctions are a disaster, again
The decline of the housing market was laid bare in October, when two of the four Block NZ houses failed to sell at auction and winners Chloe and Ben only made $4,000 profit. “Despite every effort to avoid a repeat of 2019, Stacy and Adam made no profit again, and suddenly this was the bleakest finale of The Block NZ in years,” we wrote in October. “This isn’t how redemption is supposed to work. The ghosts of auctions past returned to haunt them, and while this kind of outcome is always a risk with The Block NZ, nobody wanted to see it happen.”
Dunedin is the breakout star of a popular Netflix rom-com
Our borders were still closed, but Netflix took Dunedin to the world in January with rom-com movie The Royal Treatment. Local landmarks like Larnach Castle, Vogel Street and Oamaru’s Victorian precinct were transformed into New York City and the fictional realm of Lavania, proving once and for all that Dunedin and the Big Apple are basically the same place.
Dame Susan Devoy says ‘big vag’
Jesse Tuke was the official winner of Celebrity Treasure Island 2022, but it was the four-time world squash champion known as Dame Suzy D who won the nation over with her no-nonsense charm and curious turn of phrase. Representing “all the menopausal women of New Zealand”, Nana Susan chundered up a crayfish during an interview, told Mike King to “shut the fuck up” and described a local possum as having “a big vag”. Never change, Dame.
Seven Sharp gets a brand new ladder
Covid-19 saw Seven Sharp shunted into a back corner of TVNZ to allow for social distancing within the newsroom, and for the next few months, their dark, grim surroundings mirrored the feelings of a nation riding the omicron wave. But in November, Seven Sharp developed some sort of herd immunity and moved into the studio they deserved, complete with the obligatory wooden seagull and fancy ladder. The news will never be the same again.
The Black Ferns win the Rugby World Cup
When Black Fern Joanah Ngan-Woo’s magnificent paw whacked the ball out of English hands during the dying seconds of the Rugby World Cup final, it was gave us two things: 1) an inspiring, joyful victory and 2) an (increasingly rare) television moment shared collectively as a nation, thanks to the final being broadcast live and free to air on Three. Where were you when you saw The Hand, New Zealand? The best TV moment of the year… hands down.