Or will this tank my professional reputation?

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Dear Hera,

I recently moved cities for a job. This was a great move for lots of reasons, and I’ve been trying hard to make a good impression at my new workplace. ​

There is one guy at work I get on really well with. We have a lot in common, and I think we could be great friends, especially as I don’t know many people in this new city. The only problem is he’s bad at his job. We have similar roles, but he has a terrible workplace reputation, and many of my colleagues have already made comments to me, comparing me favourably to him.

In any other situation, this wouldn’t matter, but my job is extremely corporate and involves building a personal brand within the company. Unfortunately, in this instance, appearances really do matter. I worry that hanging out with someone who visibly slacks off and has a poor reputation could inadvertently damage my career. But what’s the alternative? Conduct this friendship in secret? Have secret lunch dates? This job is important to me, and I want to succeed. But I really like this guy, and think we could be great mates under different circumstances.

Best,

New Hire

Dear New Hire,

Having never had a properly corporate job before, I will admit the premise of this question is a little alien to me. I’ve never had the kind of office job where building a personal brand is relevant to my survival or advancement within an organisation. In fact, the thing your question most reminded me of was the subtle interpersonal machinations and mercurial court politics of Hilary Mantel’s Wolf Hall.

OK, so you’re not going to be beheaded if you fraternise with the wrong Cardinal, or make an enemy of Stephen Gardiner in HR. But I don’t want to assume that your assessment of the situation is hyperbolic. Being generally well-regarded by the right people usually makes any job a lot easier. I can see that the opposite might also be true – that making friends with the layabouts and slackers might accidentally muddy your reputation.

I think most normal people would understand that your friendships have nothing to do with your competence or productivity. Because you’re new at a job, you’re likely to be subjected to a bit more scrutiny, as people get a sense of who you are.

However. That’s no reason to sacrifice a perfectly good friend!

The fact that colleagues are already favourably comparing you to this guy means your work has been noticed and appreciated on its own merits. What you do outside of work hours is nobody’s business. There’s a difference between keeping a secret and maintaining strong professional boundaries that protect your privacy.

Obviously, if you have the kind of job where you get on well with your colleagues and aren’t afraid of any professional repercussions, you can talk as much shit as you like. But if you’re worried that you’re going to be unfairly judged on your extracurricular friendships or hobbies, you have a complete right to keep that information to yourself. I’ve had some colleagues who would come in crying about their cat’s botched hysterectomy, and others who would refuse to disclose their birthday. The amount you choose to divulge is entirely up to you.

If your job relies on building your reputation, you want to be seen as friendly and build genuine relationships with people, which means you can’t be completely closed off. It’s important to be able to discuss your favourite pet falcon or liturgical text in order to build rapport and camaraderie. But you don’t have to tell them about your weakness for revelry and dice if you know it will be held against you.

In general, I think it’s better not to expend too much mental effort on anticipating potential problems, especially if there’s a decent chance that nobody will care. It may be that your bosses won’t even notice your friendship. Often, the people responsible for offering promotions are completely oblivious to the interpersonal dynamics of the peasantry.

Personally, I think you should go ahead and make friends with this guy. A good friend is always worth a little risk, and if he’s really as terrible at his job as you say, you might not be in the same organisation or position for long. Try to build a relationship outside of work, instead of scheduling secret lunches. You won’t be able to stop your friendship from bleeding over entirely, but if you can keep things professional and don’t get dragged into your mate’s buffoonery, I think it’s a risk worth taking. A truly great friend will hopefully outlast any job, especially as you’re unlikely to stay in the same roles forever.

I can’t promise it won’t affect your reputation. But you have the moral high ground here. Don’t let an ambiguous fear of unspoken corporate propriety ruin your chance at a genuine friendship. Keep your standard of work high, and let your reputation speak for itself.