Step aside, Brooke van Velden. We’ve done the thinking on a citizenship test and we’re bringing forward the rollout date.

What does it mean to be a New Zealander? Minister of internal affairs Brooke van Velden reckons we can boil that down to a simple test. She has announced that from late 2027 the government will introduce a test for those applying for citizenship by grant. This, she says, will strengthen what it means to be a New Zealander.

But van Velden is on her way out of parliament, having announced she won’t stand again at the November election. Surely she shouldn’t be worrying about this sort of carry-on as she plans her new life post-parliament/post-Act hot pink blazer? 

Besides, we need some sort of continuity here. No point van Velden kicking off this project only to have to hand it over to someone else after she delivers her valedictory speech.

Look, The Spinoff’s here for the long haul. Why don’t you just leave this one to us, BvV? Seriously, we got you, plus we’ve already done a lot of the thinking. In fact, pull that 2027 date forward – we’re ready to roll this test out now.

1. The role of the prime minister is:
A. Head of government
B. Principal adviser to the sovereign and the sovereign’s adviser, the governor-general
C. Chair of cabinet
D. CEO

2. Tāmaki Makaurau Auckland is important to NZ because:
A. The rest of the country needs a common enemy
B. It’s a gateway to Australia, with flights departing regularly to cities across the land of plenty
C. Up the Wahs
D. All of the above 

3. In NZ, when it gets cold:
A.You put another jersey on
B. It doesn’t get cold in NZ
C. Stop your whinging
D. All of the above

4. Christopher Luxon leads National, the largest party in parliament. Who does he see as his main opposition?
A. Tova O’Brien
B. NZ First
C. Act
D. All of the above 

5. The people of Ōtautahi Christchurch:
A. Have a new stadium
B. Want to talk to you about how they have a new stadium
C. Think you should know that even the Crusaders’ retired horses have just visited the new stadium
D. All of the above

6. Opposition party Labour has a key policy. It is:
A. Look over there!
B. Stay very still and don’t speak
C. An anti-policy policy
D. All of the above 

7. NZ is a democratic country. This means, the government is chosen by:
A. Everyone except those dropkicks who want to show up on election day and enrol to vote
B. Agonising post-election negotiations between parties that stretch on for what feels like several lifetimes
C. The biased media
D. Winston Peters

8. In Aotearoa, the renaissance of te reo Māori has been celebrated and supported in recent years by:
A. A requirement that government departments communicate primarily in English
B. A requirement that most government departments prioritise their English names over their Māori names
C. The introduction of a bill to ensure English is an official language of Aotearoa- hell, sorry, I mean New Zealand
D. All of the above 

9. The highest honour that can be bestowed upon you as a New Zealander is:
A. A knighthood or damehood
B. Being called “world class”
C. A technical international film award for your work at Weta
D. A chocolate fish

10. In Wellington, if you don’t wear black, you are
A. A visitor from the Hawke’s Bay
B. Taking part in some sort of awareness day
C. Playing with fire
D. This has never happened

11. NZ is a nation known for its proliferation of beef and dairy farms. This means that in this country the following are affordable:
A. Butter
B. Mince
C. Cheese
D. None of the above 

12. In NZ, another word for “houses” is:
A. Homes
B. Whare
C. Dwellings
D. The economy 

Scoring:

For every question to which you answered A, B or C, give yourself one point. This applies for every question except 11. If you answered A, B or C for question 11, give yourself zero points and email us immediately to tell us where you’re doing your grocery shopping. 

For every question to which you answered D, give yourself two points.

If you scored 1-12: Aotearoa is a difficult place to understand, but you did OK. Chin up and try again some time. 

If you scored 13-17: You’re getting to know our particular madness. Ka pai. Try again. 

If you scored 18-24: Welcome to Aotearoa New Zealand! You’ve nailed this test, scoring at least 75%. In fact, it’s hard to believe you’re new around here. Here, have a chocolate fish.