Joel MacManus attempts to travel from the bottom to the top of the country without a car or plane. Today: the longest single trip on his journey.
The mission: Get from Stewart Island to Cape Reinga as fast as possible using only public transport. Wherever I can, I’ll travel by train. In areas that are too rural or too watery for trains, I’ll take buses and ferries.
Why? That’s a great question. I’m honestly not sure. I hope to learn something about New Zealand and gain new insight into the country I call home.
When New Zealanders travel around their own country, public transport is usually an afterthought. Decades of underfunding have left our inter-city rail slow, expensive, and infrequent. I want to find out what it is really like.
The itinerary:
- Ferry from Oban to Bluff
- Bus from Bluff to Invercargill
- Bus from Invercargill to Dunedin
- Bus from Dunedin to Christchurch
- Train from Christchurch to Picton
- Ferry from Picton to Wellington
- Train from Wellington to Auckland
- Bus from Auckland to Paihia
- Bus to Cape Reinga (part of an 11-hour sightseeing tour of the Far North)
The cost: $1,052 in total for the tickets. If everything goes to plan (which it probably won’t), it will take me 150 hours. By comparison, riding the entire length of the Tranz-Siberian railway from Moscow to Vladivostok, which is five times longer than New Zealand, takes 147 hours.
I began on Monday in Oban and am now starting day five in Wellington. By the end of the day, I hope to be in Auckland. Join me as I continue my journey north to Cape Reinga and enlightenment.
Day five: Wellington to Auckland
Today, I’m catching New Zealand’s longest train, the Northern Explorer from Wellington to Auckland. It leaves at 7:55am and is due to arrive at 7pm. But first, I want to go visit my old friend the bucket fountain.
I have complex thoughts about the bucket fountain
I didn’t do much sightseeing during my stop in Wellington because I live there and see it all the time. But there is one landmark that I knew I had to visit: the bucket fountain. This morning, I caught the number 2 bus to Cuba Street, took this photo, and then got the 31x to Wellington Railway Station.
I wanted to visit the bucket fountain because it bothers me in a way I’ve never quite been able to articulate. I hoped that by visiting with fresh eyes and writing about it, I might be able to make sense of my thoughts.
I love the bucket fountain. It warms my heart. I smile every time I see it. It’s playful, silly, and colourful. It’s one of the few pieces of Wellington’s built architecture that I would be willing to chain myself to if it were ever threatened with removal. But it’s a bit shit. Even if you, too, love the bucket fountain, you must accept that. Being a bit shit is half the reason it became so beloved in the first place. Like the Huntly Deka sign.
The bucket fountain doesn’t flow gracefully, the water clomps down in heavy, ugly heaves. Rather than a waterfall effect, it’s more like, well, tossing out a bucket of water. The splashes don’t even line up – more often than not, the water ends up outside the pool.
I write about Wellington issues a lot, and my theory of Wellington is that the city going through a long, awkward adolescence as it waits to take the next great leap to be a globally relevant city of 1 million+. It has a lot of the fundamentals in place: a high-tech economy, two research universities, and a well-developed cultural scene. The new District Plan is a significant move towards density by allowing more apartments and townhouses. And despite how much Wellingtonians complain about it, they have by far the best urban public transport in Aotearoa. The bike lanes are getting pretty good, too.
Wellington just needs to address a couple of things that are holding it back before it takes that leap. Some of that is physical infrastructure, and some of it is simply mental. I basically think Wellington has a confidence problem. Specifically, it lacks the confidence of ambition.
Wellington’s local politics is divided between those who want the city to grow and those who want it to stay the same (or go back to the ’90s). I’ve previously described them as the New City and the Old Town. Wellington’s infrastructure is getting run down because the population has stagnated, and there isn’t enough rates revenue. I believe the only way forward is through growth. I’d like to see more city leaders explicit championing population growth; not just as an ideal, but as their primary goal.
Wellington’s great leap is uncharted territory for New Zealand. It can’t just copy Auckland’s growth model because there isn’t as much flat land. Wellington needs to be denser and more efficient. That’s why it is so important for Wellington to have apartments and good public transport; there physically isn’t enough room to expand the road network or build enough greenfield suburbs.
This is why the bucket fountain bothers me. Because when the symbol of your city is a shitty little fountain, you start to believe your city is a shitty little city. For Wellington to take the leap, it has to believe in its own potential. Wellingtonians need to have higher ambitions for Wellington.
So what do we do about it? Removing the bucket fountain would be sacrilege, so that’s off the cards. I propose another solution: A second bucket fountain, bigger and better than the one we already have. The kind of bucket fountain that will announce Wellington’s presence on the world stage. A bucket fountain that speaks to the city’s greatness and strikes fear into the hearts of our enemies. It could go on Upper Cuba Street, and they could finally pedestrianise it.
Another unexpected upgrade
When I arrived at Wellington Railway Station, the woman at the ticket booth looked at me and said, “You must be Joel”. For a second, I excitedly thought she had been following along with my live blog. No. It turns out she only knew my name I was the last person to check in. But then she handed me a boarding pass for the premium Scenic Plus carriage, which was not the one I had booked. I bought the regular Scenic ticket for $249. The Scenic Plus costs $519.
I’m sitting there now. The seats are basically the same as those in the economy carriages, but they are quieter. This carriage is mostly empty, while the Scenic carriage looks almost full. The ticket includes all-inclusive food and drinks. So far, they’ve brought me a flat white and three small Danishes.
The strange thing is no one told me this was happening. I sent a text to my contact at Interislander thanking them for the upgrade, but it turns out they had nothing to do with it. The trains are run by Great Journeys, an entirely different department. Whoever got me this ticket, I’m very grateful. Or, maybe I’ve been the beneficiary of a strange ticketing system glitch?
The only good croissant in New Zealand
Jean-Michel and Janine are sitting two rows in front of me. They’re from a town between Paris and Versailles but currently live in New Caledonia.
They’re holidaying around New Zealand, but are frustrated by the state of our croissants. They don’t like our national obsession with almonds and cheese.
They say they’ve only found one bakery in Aotearoa that makes a good croissant, but they couldn’t remember the name—just that it is in Wellington next to a Belgian pub.
As far as I know, there is only one Belgian pub in Wellington: Leuven on Featherston Street. From a cursory Google Maps search, the most likely candidate seems to be Little Grump coffee shop, which is across the road from Leuven and has an excellent reputation for baked goods.
Congratulations to Little Grump for making New Zealand’s only good croissant.
I’m physically deteriorating
Here’s a blurry photo of the train passing Shannon Railway Station.
I’m on my fifth day of almost non-stop travelling, with hopefully two more to go until I reach Cape Reinga, and it is starting to take a noticable and strange toll on my body.
Long-distance travel always leaves me feeling gross and depleted, but this journey has taken that to a new level.
Sitting next to large glass windows inside chambers of circulated air has dehydrating effect. I haven’t felt particularly thirsty while travelling, but I drank three litres of water as soon as I got to my flat in Wellington yesterday.
I don’t know much about skin care, but even I can tell I’m in bad shape. My pores are enormous and if I look closely I can see red blotches around my eyes. I’m getting pimples on my forehead and around my jaw; something I haven’t experienced since I was 19.
It definitely hasn’t helped that I’m sleeping quite poorly. There was construction outside my room in Dunedin, and my backpackers in Christchurch was a windowless room with no airflow. I had a slightly better sleep at home last night but am definitely still in a deficit.
I haven’t slept on any of my buses or trains except for an unintentional ten minute snooze before Timaru. I’m pretty much constantly busy writing, taking photos or having tech nightmares trying to navigate the back end of thespinoff.co.nz, which is hard enough at the best of times and much worse in patchy reception.
I haven’t eaten many vegetables, except for two asparagus on the Interislander, and whatever was in my Dimitri’s souvlaki.
Overall, I just feel depleted. It kind of reminds me of that full-bodied exhaustion you get after a stressful exam season, crossed with the feeling of waking up after falling asleep in the sun.
Palmerston North: The Palmerston of the North
We just passed through Palmerston North, the inferior of the two Palmerstons. By “just” I mean 40 minutes ago because the reception is terrible and I can’t get the onboard wifi to work.
I considered writing a consolatory post similar to my reviews of Invercargill and Christchurch. Something about how it is often maligned but there is beauty there if you look under the surface. But nah, I don’t want to.
Ok fine, The Esplanade is nice.
We’ve lost Joel
Hello, interrupting the live blog to say that we have lost Joel. Given he’s on a train, I can only presume he’s fine and still just a girl on a train. If he got left in Palmerston North I’m sure he would’ve told us that in frantic messages. His Twitter account is unusually quiet. We will update as we learn more (read: when the train passes Hunterville and enters reception again).
Ps. Joel has picked a fight with The Spinoff website’s backend by saying it is hard to navigate “at the best of times”. This is slander. The website’s backend is in fact very simple to navigate and any issues with navigation are user error.
Joel is lost in translation
Don’t you hate when your co-worker tries to get you to do their job? Anyway, Joel is stuck somewhere and I think he might be crying for help, but I can’t quite decode his texts.
Using my investigative skills (looking at the titles on the bus stop) I can conclude that Joel is either in, or has left, Taihape. He also wants you to know that Wellington (city) and wellies (the boots) are named after the same person. Good luck Joel!
Oof: Joel’s texts, decoded
Joel actually left Taihape at 11.29am and has been trying to send those texts for an hour. I now have the confirmed translation:
“I just bumped into a man’s elbow as I walked down the aisle and made him spill coffee all over himself. I may not be welcome in the Scenic Plus carriage for much longer.
We’ve just passed Taihape, the gumboot capital of New Zealand. It’s quite impressive that they managed to claim the title considering the actual capital, Wellington, is also a common name for gumboots. Fun fact: the city and the boots are both named after the same man, Arthur Wellesley, the first Duke of Wellington.”
Ohakune
We are heading into Tongariro National Park and I’ve been promised some great views of Mt Ruapehu. The onboard commentary just informed me that the North Island is known as Te Ika a Māui (the fish of Māui). Wow! The more you know.
Meeting the driver in National Park
We just had a quick stop in National Park village near Tongariro. This is our new driver (or, in train speak, Locomotive Engineer) Wayne Menehira.
The Northern Express swaps drivers three times along the 11-hour journey: at Palmerston North, National Park, and Hamilton.
Apparently that was the Raurimu Spiral
We just passed through the Raurimu Spiral, which every transport nerd knows is one of New Zealand’s most impressive engineering achievements.
This is a photo I stole from Wikipedia, because there really isn’t much to see when you’re on the train. If it weren’t for the commentary in my headphones telling me how impressive the spiral was, I may not have even known I was on it. Which I suppose is the point. There was one small valley where I could see the a tunnel emerging in the opposite direction, but that was about it.
The spiral makes it possible to traverse the steep slopes of the North Island central plateau without requiring an enormous detour to Taranaki.
According to the commentary, a train driver once slammed on his emergency brakes after spotting the lights of an oncoming train, only to realise it was his own rear carriage coming around the bend.
Taumarunui on the main trunk line
I’m in Taumarunui, the town that inspired one of New Zealand’s most famous folk songs, ‘Taumarunui on the Main Trunk Line’.
The song sucks. Firstly because the cadence only works if you absolutely butcher the pronunciation (tow-mra-newey). Secondly, because the lyrics are gross. The song is about “an ordinary joker” who repeatedly rides the train between Wellington and Auckland solely so he can see “the Sheila in refreshments” at the Taumarunui tearooms.
In the final verse, he shows up in Taumarunui to find she isn’t there because she changed her shift. It’s supposedly a romantic song about unrequited love. I think more accurately, it’s about a weird creep who harassed a woman at her place of work until she had to change her hours just to get away from him.
The Taumarunui tearooms are not the destination they once were. This abandoned train was sitting at the station.
A lucky escape
I just met the man whose coffee I spilled this morning. Quote: “I’m Scottish, so you’re lucky it wasn’t alcohol or you might have lost your life”.
A note about cows
An underrated but nice thing about travelling by train is that it passes through farmland on a narrow track, so you get an up-close-and-personal view that a road just can’t match. Because the train is so loud, most cows near the track run away when they hear it coming. It’s nice because cows are cute when they run – but it’s sad because they’re scared of the train.
There’s no Hamilton sign
There’s no sign saying ‘Hamilton’ on the Hamilton Railway Station. I’m informed that is usually here. Someone must have taken it down. Presumably out of embarrassment.
I’m bored
I’ve been travelling for 105 hours. I’ve experienced many feelings and emotions. I’ve been excited, delighted, stressed, impressed, grumpy, petulant, delirious, afraid and seasick. But one that I haven’t experienced is boredom. It’s been pretty full on writing, taking photos, and fighting the back end of the website (which is not easy, despite what Mad tells you). I haven’t had time to be bored.
Well, it has finally hit me. I’m sick of this train. It’s too long. I’m struggling to form any original thoughts. Should I have posted something about Pukekohe? I dunno, I have no strong feelings about it. The onboard commentary is telling me about the Glenbrook steel mill and I could not care less.
Less than 90 minutes to go.
Cosmo
According to the onboard commentary, Auckland “has become one of the most cosmopolitan cities in the world.” Can’t wait to experience it.
Final thoughts on the Northern Explorer
The train is entering Auckland now. I can see the Sky Tower. It’s almost over.
It was long but a thoroughly enjoyable journey – especially due to the copious wine in the Scenic Plus lounge. I think every New Zealander should try to take the Northern Explorer at least once in their life. It’s expensive, but you can girl math it by counting it as both a transport cost and an activity.
My one final take is this: The Northern Explorer is not a useful transport service. There hasn’t been a proper passenger train from Wellington to Auckland since the Overlander shut down in 2012. If I wanted to hop off the train in National Park to have a look around, I would have had to wait until Sunday to continue my trip (or Monday if I wanted to turn around and go back again). It’s a great day but it’s not a great way to get anywhere.
Shoutout to Robby, the premium service leader. He is great at his job.
Auckland: It’s a city
I made it to the final station, The Strand in Parnell, Auckland. Lyric Waiwiri-Smith met me with a cute sign. I can’t wait to go explore one of the most cosmopolitan cities in the world. I’m catching a 7:30am bus to Paihia tomorrow. See you then!
