People standing back and watching racist abuse on Auckland’s Queen St, Winston Peters telling Lawrence Xu-Nan to go back to his own country. What’s happening?

One weekday recently, my wife was on Auckland’s Queen St, waiting to cross at an intersection, when she witnessed a racist verbal attack. The perpetrator was an elderly Pākehā man, the victim a young NZ-Chinese man. The abuse came out of nowhere, was loud, and consisted of things like “why don’t you go back where you came from?” and “this isn’t your country”. There were about 10 others standing at the lights; students, people in corporate attire, a couple of tourists, the usual Queen St mashup.

The racist abuse, sadly, didn’t surprise me, but the reaction of the other people standing at the lights did, because they did nothing. The only person to step in and call out this bullshit out was my wife. She told the elderly man, in no uncertain terms, that he could not say that, and that this young man has just as much right to be in this country as he does. Still no-one else chimed in, not even just to back her up.

It reminded me of a situation a few years ago when my wife and I were verbally harassed on a late night Waiheke ferry for being gay, for daring to show affection by cuddling after a long day. A young drunk guy tormented us good and proper, for pretty much the whole ferry ride. No one stepped in to defend us or tell him to shut it. It was a long ferry ride.

The reaction – or lack of – from these bystanders at the lights, and the memories from the ferry that rushed back, has got me marinating. What was going on inside these people’s heads? Was it easier to pretend they couldn’t hear what was happening? Were they frantically hoping someone else would step in? Or were they too scared to speak up? Who knows, but it’s pretty fucking depressing. 

The “bystander effect” is a social psychological theory that was popularised by American social psychologists John M. Darley and Bibb Latané back in 1968. Their studies found that the greater the number of bystanders, the less likely any one of them will intervene or provide help to a person in distress. They also found that individuals will monitor the behaviour of those around them as they determine how to respond themselves. Interesting – and alarming.

What does it say about us as a society if we can’t stand up for someone who is being physically or verbally attacked? Like when a kid on the bus is being bullied, or when a young woman is being sexually harassed, or when a supermarket worker is being abused? These little moments happen around us every single day. They are moments in which we choose to stand by, or to stand up.

Isn’t standing up for strangers one of the things that separates society from anarchy? If we don’t step in, aren’t we simply giving the bullies and the bigots free reign to keep being arseholes? Some might argue that it’s even more important to stand up for strangers given the current shit-and-spite-stained state of the world. 

I get that it can be hard to intervene in a situation if you feel you are in danger, especially physically. I also get the reticence from those who are routinely subjected to abuse from strangers and fear they would be lining themselves up for more. And I also get that some people may prefer not to have a stranger chime in to defend them. But, if we say nothing then the madness prevails, surely? 

I can’t help wondering if our reticence to stick up for strangers is worsening.

In July, NZ First Leader and foreign minister Winston Peters told Green MP Lawrence Xu-Nan to “Go back to your own country. You only came here just five minutes ago” the debating chamber. Xu-Nan was born in China but he has lived in New Zealand since 1994. So for 32 years, or 80% of his life.

Speaker Gerry Brownlee called Peters’ remarks “inappropriate” and “offensive” but no formal disciplinary action was taken because no MP raised a formal point of order or objection at the time. There were objections made later, but why not when it really mattered?  

If we live in a country where a political leader can hurl racist lines without either intervention or consequence, then I guess it’s probably no surprise if our willingness to jump in and defend a stranger is in decline.