Bubble

SocietyApril 16, 2021

Bubbles nearly as good as the trans-Tasman bubble, ranked

Bubble

This time next week, we will be a bubble of 30 million. That’s a big bubble. But is it the best? We rank other impressive bubbles through the ages.

The trans-Tasman bubble is a big one, but we’re determined not to pop it. This could be the best bubble we’ve seen in years – even bigger and better than the Bubble Shooter game craze of 2005. New Zealanders and Australians are about to experience the strongest kinship we’ve had outside of a war. The bubble is both ideological and physical progress all in one, and we love it.

To celebrate our union (the number one bubble), we’ve ranked all the bubbles below it.

13. The housing bubble

Definitely my least favourite bubble. The surface tension is kept low by the soaps of high demand and inadequate regulation. Will it ever burst and get current homeowners all wet? Only time and Megan Woods will tell.

12. Spider breathing bubble

A bubble that keeps spiders alive, which I hate. The diving bell spider takes absolute liberties with its environment and creates bubbles of air underwater so it can breathe and eat, instead of just living on the ground where I can see them. Nature is wonderful, but this is a perversion.

11. Bubble Boy (Seinfeld)

In this episode of Seinfeld, Susan and George attempt to murder a child.

10. Covid-19 bubble

Just over a year ago New Zealanders learned what a Covid-19 bubble was, and that they had to stay in it. “Where you stay tonight is where you must stay for now on,” said the emergency alert we all got. Yes, this is better than the housing bubble. I would rather be trapped inside for two months every year than never have a place to call my home.

Toby Morris for The Spinoff

9. Michael Bublé

I don’t know what it is, but I don’t like him. When he was a child he went by the name “Mickey Bubbles”. Apparently as a teenager he prayed over his Biblé to become a singer, which implies “Mickey Bubbles” existed years before he stepped foot on a stage.

8. The Dutch tulip bubble

Name a more iconic duo than tulips and the black death. You can’t. First, the plague whips the Dutch up into a fatalistic luxury goods-buying frenzy, then it stops people from attending tulip auctions by covering their bodies with buboes and gangrene. This led to the first asset bubble in recorded history, and started us on the path to GameStop. Imagine being the guy who paid 2,500 florins per tulip bulb. You could get 83 pigs for that!

7. Bubbles the bev

Not a great drink, but a fun one.

6. Bubble Boy (film)

Jake Gyllenhaal lives in a zorb. These are two of my favourite things.

5. Bubble O’ Bill

Every 10-year-old’s favourite ice cream. Before 10, it’s too difficult to eat a deformed cowboy face without either being scared or choking on its nose; after 13 you grow up and move onto Memphis Meltdowns. His flesh is deep pink and sometimes his jowls don’t sit right, but we loved him all the same.

Content may not be exactly as depicted

4. The NBA bubble

More than 300 professional basketball players and their families were trapped inside Disney World for the final eight games of last year’s NBA season. No-one in or out of the Mickey Zone. The games were watched by Microsoft Teams screens, injury numbers increased, and one assistant coach called it “the worst schedule I’ve seen in 25 years” – but no-one got Covid-19.

3. Bubble Shooter

When my intermediate school banned Bubble Shooter we all learned what VPNs were overnight. It’s true what they say: once you pop, you just can’t stop.

2. Bubbles the chimp

Bubbles is described as a “common chimpanzee”, but he isn’t. He is so, so rare. Only two other chimps can claim to have done chores at Michael Jackson’s Neverland ranch. Bubbles was bred into a medical testing facility, which is a terrible start to life, and in adulthood he become aggressive. Rumour spread this was because Prince had used ESP to drive him mad. Bubbles has chilled out a lot but is described as his keepers as “huge and ugly”, which is extremely mean. Justice for Bubbles.

1. Unpoppable bubbles

All the fun of bubbles without any of the tragedy of popping. Watch your bubble slowly shrivel in the sun like a fruit, or a person.


In the latest episode of Remember When…, we pay tribute to the most practical school shoe of all time, the Rugged Shark. Subscribe and listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or your favourite podcast provider.

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Photo: Brendon O’Hagan/Bloomberg
Photo: Brendon O’Hagan/Bloomberg

OPINIONSocietyApril 14, 2021

To truly tackle climate change, NZ must ditch its reliance on intensive dairy

Photo: Brendon O’Hagan/Bloomberg
Photo: Brendon O’Hagan/Bloomberg

Attempting to mitigate the problem doesn’t go far enough, writes Hayley Pardoe – New Zealand needs to commit to changing the way it farms.

As a nation, we can’t meaningfully reduce our emissions and level of pollution without addressing how we farm and what we eat. Crucial to this is addressing our unhealthy reliance on intensive dairy. With plant-based food seeing huge growth globally, now more than ever we need to transition our economy towards a regenerative, plant-based one.

This was a point of view that we at Otis recently shared with the Climate Change Commission (CCC), in response to its draft advice to the government on reducing emissions in Aotearoa.

As an oat milk and plant-based startup here in Aotearoa, I’m sure our view isn’t surprising. However, what we found surprising was the lack of focus the report gave to addressing what we see as a crucial imbalance.  

So why should we transition away from intensive dairy and what’s the big deal? Intensive dairy farming in many ways is the industry’s dirty little secret – it’s a method of farming that goes beyond the land’s natural capital and resources all in the name of “big business”. It’s typified by high cattle-to-land ratios and high synthetic fertiliser and water use.

The effects, as you can imagine, are pretty damaging. It’s depleting our nation’s soil, significantly contributing to our emissions and polluting our waterways. 

Now 76% of our native freshwater fish (39 of 51 species) are either threatened or at risk of extinction. Since 1994, dairy cattle numbers have increased by 70% nationally, and today dairy is responsible for the largest number of emissions in the agriculture sector – which is saying a lot when you consider agriculture contributes almost 90% towards our nation’s biogenic methane emissions. 

In its report, the CCC recommended we reduce our herd numbers by 15% and look to invest in technology to reduce emissions from cattle. While steps in the right direction, mitigating the problem doesn’t go far enough. If we are to make meaningful, impactful change, we need to de-intensify, diversify and commit wholeheartedly to alternative ways.  

Regenerative, plant-based agriculture provides us with that answer. Not only is it better environmentally and socially, but it makes economic sense too. We don’t need to invest in technology to reduce emissions from plants. 

Unlike intensive dairy, regenerative plant-based farming works with and for nature rather than against it. Planting more crops such as oats can actually help remove excess nitrates from our soil and reduce the pollution in our waterways. By rotating these crops alongside livestock, using less water and synthetic fertiliser, we can replenish the soil and help stop soil erosion.

We currently lose 192 million tonnes of soil every year, 44% of which comes from pastoral land. If we don’t go down an alternative path, will we also invest in technology to reduce soil erosion? Or perhaps we just reduce the amount of pastoral land? 

The shift to regenerative, plant-based farming also benefits our farmers, helping to connect them to one of the fastest-growing global consumer groups. A recent study by Euromonitor reported that 42% of consumers globally are now actively avoiding meat in favour of plant-based foods, a behaviour even more pronounced with younger generations. UBS Investment Bank predicts the global plant-based market will have a Compound Annual Growth Rate of over 30% and reach NZD$70 billion by 2025. 

It’s important to point out that I’m not suggesting that all dairy farming is bad and all plant-based farming is good. I’m also not suggesting we need to only farm crops. In fact, mixed farming where both animals and crops are on the land is ideal and as it so happens, something our nation used to be quite good at.   

But for that to be a reality, we need to stop intensive dairy farming and tip the balance by supporting and investing in plant-based agriculture and products. With the tide turning in the favour of plant-based, we must change with it, to save our environment, rural communities and economy.  

If we are going to commit to this change, our government needs to proactively support and incentivise farmers to transition. Nothing changes if no one changes.

As Greenpeace notes, for years the New Zealand government poured millions into the uptake of intensive dairy, giving subsidies to farmers to increase their stocking rates and synthetic fertiliser use. There was also hundreds of millions spent building a synthetic nitrogen fertiliser factory and financing think-big irrigation schemes. 

Moving forward, money should be spent on helping farmers with the capital costs and skills associated with transitioning away from intensive practices and into regenerative ones. The government also needs to support the growth of plant-based and high-value products by partnering with the private sector to rapidly increase the infrastructure needed. As New Zealand’s first homegrown oat milk, we can attest to the countless walls and T-junctions we’ve faced by not having the necessary infrastructure and funding. 

Because we’re determined to support New Zealand and its farmers now and into the future, our oats come from here, but there has been no viable onshore manufacturing options for producing our oat milk at large scale. This has meant that until we solve the New Zealand manufacturing dilemma, we are forced to ship our oats to Sweden for manufacture and offset the emissions we incur by 120%.

Ensuring our nation is equipped and ready to meet the opportunities of the modern world shouldn’t rest solely on the shoulders of our farmers and small businesses. We have plant-based industries ready to jump into action. With the right support, this could happen quickly and on a large scale.

But government support alone is not enough. The support must also come from us: the consumer. As food writer Michael Pollen puts it, “Every time we sit down to eat we are making a series of votes for a certain kind of world. We get to do it three times a day. That’s the great power the consumer has.” As we face a climate emergency, it seems those words have more importance than ever.  

Hayley Pardoe is the head of marketing and sustainability at Otis Oat Milk


In this bonus episode of When the Facts Change, The Spinoff’s business editor Michael Andrew talks with 2021 Kiwibank Local Hero of the Year Shannon Te Huia, founder of  Pūniu River Care. Subscribe and listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or your favourite podcast provider.