We’ve got a tantalising weekend coming up in the Premier League with a big Merseyside derby in Liverpool v Everton and one of the classic football rivalries in Arsenal v Manchester United. Just about everyone in the Premier League got a new pair of hideous orange boots this week so there’s that too.

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Premier League Burn of the Week

It must be hard enough getting transferred from Barcelona to Stoke. But imagine how nightmarish it must be when you then get asked to name your ‘All Time Teammates XI’. There’s an unspoken obligation to include a couple of your current teammates – but leave out Ronaldinho for Peter Crouch? Bojan couldn’t do it.

Premier League Tim & Eric Character of the Week

Watch out, Leicester City captain Christain Fuchs is…

Premier League Cruel Irony of the Week

Posted the day before he was rested for Arsenal’s Champions League match against Olympiacos, and watched as David Ospina dropped the ball into his own net as his team lost 3-2. Always did wonder how Arsenal would go in the Europa League.

Premier League Mascot of the Week

Someone’s got to make a rule that confines mascots solely to stadiums. We can’t just have them wandering around supermarkets like this, it’s far too frightening. According to Wikipedia’s wonderful List of Association Football Mascots this is ‘Pottermiss Hippo’.

Premier League Art Photo of the Week

Thinking of commissioning a photorealist painting of this photo from Crystal Palace defender Martin Kelly. There’s something strangely comforting about it, but at the same time it feels hopelessly sad. What’s his TV doing on the floor? Who’s that little fella on his mug? Why am I crying?

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Will Petr Cech’s new gloves or Ashley Young’s new boots come out on top when Arsenal meet Manchester United this weekend? Watch every game live or on demand at Premier League Pass.