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Image: Archi Banal
Image: Archi Banal

Pop CultureJune 28, 2022

Hear me out: Let us watch Love Island at the pub, you cowards

Image: Archi Banal
Image: Archi Banal

Please give us this one fun thing in a cruel, cruel world, begs Alex Casey.

Recently on Love Island, enraged Italian Stallion Davide told Ekin-Su what he really thought of her after she admitted to kissing Scottish Jay on the terrace. “You are a lierrrr!” he bellowed. “Actress!” he (accurately) observed. “Go the fuck out!” There was no question that this was the first instant classique moment of the series so far, and I couldn’t help but pine for how much better it would have been to experience with a huge group of enthusiastic Love Island fans, cheering and whooping and maybe even eating wedges with sour cream and cheese. 

What I’m saying is, I want to watch Love Island at the pub in the same way that heaps of people get to watch sports at the pub. In a world where the monoculture is in smithereens and everything feels bad all the time, reality television reflects our values (for better or worse), allows us a sweet escape from our daily lives, and unites us all in a way that few things other than sport and being mad about the price of cheese can. Allow me to count just a few more of the parallels: 

  • Like sport, reality TV favours feats of jaw-dropping physicality (Davide lifting weights with Ekin-Su on his shoulders)
  • Like sport, reality TV is built on a made-up set of rules and punishes those who disobey (boys must bring a drink to their girl of choice every morning or… die?)
  • Like sport, reality TV has an ever-present threat of thrilling yet toxic male biffo (Rugby Jacques threatening to “flatten” Scottish Jay when he said he was short) 
  • Like sport, reality TV hurts many of those who participate in it and can leave them with lifelong problems as a result (sorry to bring the banter down, but it is what it is)
  • Like sport, reality TV has a lot of impassioned fans who love to buy stupid and unnecessary merch as a way to show their allegiance (guilty as charged). 
  • Like sport, reality TV is unequivocally at its best when it features New Zealanders doing really, really well at an international level (hello to Aesha from Below Deck)
Imagine watching this from a sticky leather booth

But where sport gets people shouting from the rooftops, reality television remains relegated behind closed doors, labelled a “guilty pleasure” and kept to private group chats and underground podcast universes. Nobody paints their face for the recoupling ceremony then spills out onto the footpath belting “LOVE ISLAND BAYYY-BEE”. Nobody books a table at the local brew bar for Casa Amor. Nobody starts some kind of caveman chant when a couple visits the hideaway. But… what if we did? 

As a hobgoblin of the so-called media, I have attended my share of publicity events where reality television is played in big, weird, rowdy spaces. These have included a draughty indoor go-kart track decked out with OMGNess balloon installations (The Apprentice Aotearoa S1), a Grey Lynn mansion littered with rose petals and cupcakes (The Bachelor NZ S1) and a chilly Coronation Hall where Hollie Smith sung a song and they gave away a diamond ring (Married at First Sight NZ S1). Each and every time has felt electric, and not just because of the presence of Norrie Montgomery. 

Because although these public viewings can be a bit noisy and harder to focus on the subtle whispers and asides on screen, what they provide is an unbeatable and essential shared experience. The laughter, the shock, the outrage. The live reactions and conversations with like-minded folks about how complicated reality television is, how bad it can make you feel about your appearance and how unrealistic so much of it is. Anyone who has watched Love Island with more than two people in a room knows what a godsend this is. 

The girlies, probably talking about how cool it would be if Love Island was on at the pub.

And don’t you think for a second that there isn’t enough enthusiasm to make this a profitable enterprise. People would happily don cut-out body-con dresses in droves to watch Love Island at the pub. People would spend upwards of $18 on a Cosmopolitan to watch Love Island at the pub. Love Island drops throughout the week, so you could still have sporty spice weekends. Think of the promotional opportunities! On the door you could get people to chuck their numbers in a hat and then throughout the night they could randomly yell “I GOT A TEXT” for free drinks, chippies etc! 

I asked the Love Island overlords at Neon if this is allowed, and the idea was quickly mugged off: “We don’t hold the commercial transmission rights for Love Island, and screening in pubs or in public would fall into the commercial space,” a spokesperson said. One thing is for sure, though – Love Island at the pub is what the people want. Comedian Courtney Dawson posted an Instagram story last month, demanding that hip Auckland sports bar Schapiro’s airs the reality juggernaut. In a flash poll conducted in a private group for reality superfans, 63% said yes, they would go to the pub for Love Island and 21% said maybe. If that’s not a landslide, then Luca is not a fishmonger. 

It’s not like we are asking for an endless supply of Quay sunglasses and a Pretty Little Thing collaboration or anything. All we want is Davide’s big handsome face – inexplicably wearing two pairs of glasses – projected onto a crappy fake brick wall. All we want is neon lights shaped like palm trees behind the bar. All we want is to rub shoulders with crack-up clientele who know exactly what it means to put in the hard graft, to give someone a cheeky manicure and to have a type on paper.

We are out there, and Love Island at the pub is what it would take to turn our heads.


Follow our reality TV podcast The Real Pod on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or your favourite podcast provider.

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Martin Freeman stars as a troubled cop in The Responder (Image: Supplied / Design: Archi Banal)
Martin Freeman stars as a troubled cop in The Responder (Image: Supplied / Design: Archi Banal)

Pop CultureJune 28, 2022

Martin Freeman is under the pump like never before in TVNZ+’s new police drama

Martin Freeman stars as a troubled cop in The Responder (Image: Supplied / Design: Archi Banal)
Martin Freeman stars as a troubled cop in The Responder (Image: Supplied / Design: Archi Banal)

Everything you need to know about nail-biting new police thriller The Responder.

What’s all this then? 

The Responder is the new five-part BBC police thriller that landed on TVNZ+ earlier this month. It’s basically a gritty mix of Line of Duty, Cracker and Prime Suspect. Martin Freeman stars as Chris Carson, a well-meaning but conflicted police officer who finds himself on the wrong side of the law. If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if Tim Canterbury left Wernham Hogg and joined the police (and who hasn’t?), this is it.

You mean the Martin Freeman who played Tim in The Office? Old mate Bilbo Baggins? Dr Watson from Sherlock? The nude body double from Love Actually? 

Yes, Freeman’s had quite the career, and his incredible performance in The Responder might be his best yet. For starters, he does a convincing Liverpool accent, looks haggard as hell, and he’s playing a copper in a bit of strife. Give him all the awards.

Seriously, what could be more troublesome than Tim’s romance with the lovely Dawn?

Carson works as police urgent response officer in inner-city Liverpool, which means he’s the first to arrive at emergencies like sudden deaths, domestic disputes and car accidents. He works alone and at night, and spends every shift lurching from one stressful crisis to the next. “It’s whack-a-mole, but the moles wear tracksuits,” he tells his counsellor in episode one. Every night there’s blood on his boots and spit on his face, and Carson isn’t coping. He doesn’t have better work stories. It’s less Hot Fuzz, more bad buzz.

That sounds complicated enough without bringing animals wearing tracksuits into it.

There’s also Carson’s compromising friendship with the local drug lord, his regular threats to kill people, and the fact he steals from dead people. He’s also got a sick mother to look after, the legacy of a violent father to deal with, and a troubled marriage to fix. The bloke has a lot on his plate.

Listen, if I want bleak, I can just watch David Brent’s dance.

The Responder is dark (literally, it’s filmed mostly at night) and intense, but Freeman’s portrayal of a cop on the edge will keep you glued to the screen. His performance is hugely compelling, and you’ll feel everything from sympathy to disgust towards him in a single scene. Carson has become a shell of a man, but he’s juggling his desire to be “a good bobby” and a good person with the unrelenting, brutal realities of his job. It is bleak, but there’s also hope. You hope Carson will feel better. You want him to stop stealing soup from dead people.

Bilbo Baggins wouldn’t put up with that sort of shit. 

That’s a story for another day, but one of the reasons The Responder is so gripping is because it feels authentic. The series was created and written by former first responder Tony Schumacher, who brought 11 years of his own front line policing experience to the script.

The Responder is a police drama, but it also captures how society treats its most vulnerable, how poverty forces good people to make bad decisions, and how an under-resourced police force will never make a difference. Carson isn’t stopping crime, he’s simply dealing with the consequences it, often in violent and unpredictable ways, and the people he meets every night are as desperate and full of rage as he is.

Are you sure this isn’t actually a documentary? 

I am approximately 100% sure, which is the same amount of pea and ham soup Carson took from an old dead woman. Not all police behave like him, but there’s more to learn about why Carson insists on working alone, and whether he used to have a well-respected career in the police force, and whether he was always this angry. I’m sure Carson’s past will become clearer to us as he drives around Liverpool at three in the morning helping out his drug dealer childhood BFF and picking up body parts.

So there are more layers here than a bowl of cold soup?

Exactly. The Responder is the perfect TV package – fast paced and tightly scripted, plenty of twists and turns, and some dark humour chucked in for good measure. The supporting cast is solid and the tension high, but it’s Freeman’s captivating performance that will stay with you long after the show ends.

The Responder is available now on TVNZ+.


Follow our reality TV podcast The Real Pod on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or your favourite podcast provider.

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