New verse by Jilly O’Brien.
Deirdre Barlow
Deirdre do the neck thing
Deirdre do the neck thing
Deidre do that thing with your neck
The worried neck and specs thing
Oh Ken
a lady gave birth in an ambulance because she left it too late
watching you leave Ken in 1983
since Emily Bishop found out about your clandestine date
with Mike who you’d been knocking off
and he’s knocking at the door,
and he’s knocking at the door
Ken says I love you and you say his pride is hurt
but he slams you up against the door which wasn’t in the script
but Ken and the director knew
he was going to grab you
which must have been a bit of a shock
what with Ken being so dull
The Bishop of Edmonton didn’t like it
because it was too realistic
which makes me wonder a bit
and he was waiting outside the door but Ken shut it on him
Mike, not the Bishop, although maybe the Bishop was in turmoil
Oh Ken
you said it a few times but carried on anyway with your suitcases
down the stairs to your mother’s
and Ken said I love you and you said
Oh Ken
and you did the neck thing, Deirdre
Deirdre you did the neck thing
Deirdre you did that thing with your neck
The papers gave you marriage advice
The Mail said ‘Remain’
The Express said ‘leave’
and the Queen did too
knowing a bit about all that business
Old Trafford flashed up DEIRDRE AND KEN UNITED AGAIN on its scoreboard
to 56000 Man U Arsenal fans who stopped singing
‘I hope (insert players name)’s wife gets cancer’
Briefly
At the time, Sir John Betjeman said
I think Ken is a nice man and deserves better.
Later on you divorced Ken anyway and met a man on holiday
who exchanged Turkey for Weatherfield whilst you still could do that sort of thing
but it wasn’t the same and he never did the sports jacket and flick,
Sports jacket and flick
like Ken.
Oh Ken
Oh Ken
Afterwards Deirdre you testified he was always a perfect gentleman
Jilly O’Brien, 2017
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