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KaiAugust 6, 2018

The maddest Insta-breakfasts of The Mad Butcher

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Alex Casey counts down the most intriguing Instagrammed breakfasts of Sir The Mad Butcher.

I don’t know about your social media diet, but I am sick of scrolling through endless pictures of smoothie bowls, protein oats and mermaid toast wondering when a foodie influencer will finally post something a) actually relatable or b) actually yum. This is not what I want on a hungover Saturday. This is what I’m barfing up on a hungover Saturday. 

Bullshit

Enter the barmy meat merchant, the crazy slaughterman, the frenzied flesher… The Mad Butcher. Sir Peter Leitch’s Instagram feed is both aptly named and a recent obsession of mine, a near-constant stream of #disruptive content. Here’s a good starting point. 

If Teri’s flex has got your attention, then Butch’s brekkies will win over your heart. He regularly posts full, meaty, greasy, Kiwi breakfasts from across the country and beyond, and I’ve curated some of the strongest offerings to counteract the pukey pastel pastes.

10) 

While fancy foodies are plating up on a bed of pebbles, Butch goes one better with this challenging first entry: three unadorned crumpets served with a reconstructed fruit salad. Presented on a shabby-chic plastic chopping board. Very shabby chic, very good. 

9) 

Three poachies + Cornies + cast of Emmerdale = perfect day

8) 

Where many influencers are murky about transparency, Butch goes out of his way to tell every single commenter just how decidedly average his breakfast experience has been. Imagine if all of Instagram was this honest slash borderline scathing?

7) 

Like, comment and subscribe for the most challenging ham placement in the history of humankind.

6) 

Extremely into this sausage turd nestled in a bed of chips. “U eat dick” said one commenter. “No mate I never ate the bloody thing tasted shit,” replied Sir Butch.

5) 

Nothing screams “white man’s island” like three crumpets (#grumpets) in a line with nothing but butter on them!!! NB: not #breakfast, just a starter. 

4) 

As someone born and raised in the Wairarapa, I have also wondered exactly how MASTERTON STYLE would manifest. Turns out it is a small tin bowl of baked beans nestled within another decidedly “average” butch breakfast.

3)

This isn’t sanctioned by The Mad Butcher at all, but I’m sure you agree that it is an extremely affecting image.

2) 

As if there was any doubt in your mind that this man has a knighthood from the Queen in pure butchery mayhem: look at these frankfurters. Some men just want to watch the world burn. 

1)

This eggy meat woman is Butch’s pièce de résistance. Black pudding breasts, yolky come-hither eyes, pork pout… Under no circumstances can we let David Seymour catch wind of her carnal, carnivorous sex appeal. Five stars.


The Spinoff’s food content is brought to you by Freedom Farms. They believe talking about food is nearly as much fun as eating it, and they’re excited to facilitate some good conversations around food provenance in Aotearoa New Zealand.

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Chongqing hotpot: not for the faint-hearted (Photo: Getty Images)
Chongqing hotpot: not for the faint-hearted (Photo: Getty Images)

KaiAugust 6, 2018

Boiling point: Feeling the burn in the home of hotpot

Chongqing hotpot: not for the faint-hearted (Photo: Getty Images)
Chongqing hotpot: not for the faint-hearted (Photo: Getty Images)

A lily-livered foreigner braves the fiery cauldron that is Chóngqìng’s specialty.

You know your food’s going to be fucking hot when the restaurant has installed a sprinkler system to spray you with a cooling mist while you eat.

Recovering in the comfort of my hostel 24 hours after my first Chóngqìng hotpot (huǒ guō), I can tell you I underestimated this fiery cauldron. I can also confirm that eating toothpaste is an effective backpacker’s antacid.

I’m not someone known for her tolerance of chilli. I’ll take a little hot sauce with my eggs benedict on a Saturday, but basically, on a scale of 10 to weak, I’m a two.

But Chóngqìng, nestled in southwest China, is the hilly, riverside home of hotpot, and you can’t come here and not give it a go.

I built myself up to it, spending my first night eating chilli-encrusted spare ribs in a (barely) converted World War II bomb shelter. Packed into a rock tunnel with fancy suits and oil-splashed squalor side-by-side, I was reminded that in China, the quality and presentation of the food itself is the only thing that matters.

With some 30,000 hotpot restaurants in Chóngqìng, I was feeling overwhelmed by choice. The popular places are easy to spot, with lines of colourful plastic stools outside on the pavement for prospective customers to slurp water and eat watermelon while they wait.

After a sweltering day missioning about, I opted for convenience, choosing a street-side restaurant at the Jiàochǎngkŏu night market. I was sat down directly in front of the air conditioner. A prime spot for a lily-livered wàiguórén (foreigner).

Beer (go for a 2:1 bite-to-beer ratio) and watermelon are crucial if you’re to survive the Chóngqìng hotpot experience (Photos: Supplied)

Watermelon is brought out first. Despite night-time temperatures in the high 30s, I don’t advise scoffing it – you will need it later. You pick your stock according to your liking (or guts) and it arrives cold, to be heated over a gas flame in the centre of the table. I ordered “zhōng là”, or “medium” spicy – which overestimated my constitution considerably.

You then order your raw ingredients, like pumpkin, radish, tofu, cured sausage, sliced ham and spiced beef. Or you can sample goose intestines, pig skin, or liver, depending on how you want to play it. You control the flame and cook your ingredients as you like, with dipping sauce on the side.

The broth boils blood red, with eye-watering quantities of whole and chopped chilli peppers, garlic cloves and sliced ginger. I started with small strips of tofu, and with lips immediately burning, quickly realised I’d be working to a 2:1 bite-to-beer ratio. If you learn one sentence in Chinese before eating hotpot, make it “another cold beer” (“zài lái yī píng píjiǔ”).

I also took comfort in the fact that regulations introduced in 2017 banned restaurants from recycling hotpot stock. Interestingly, this wasn’t pitched as a public health initiative, but rather a measure to help “inexperienced foreign diners to fend off food poisoning”.

Raw offal is now required to be washed separately from, say, your radishes. Waitstaff are obliged to help foreigners keep their broth boiling (I’m loath to think how many of us screwed this up before a regulation was deemed necessary).

At a total cost of NZ$31 (including four beers), price is not prohibitive, even if you are a total loner. But it’s a dish designed to be social – so if you can go with friends, so much the better.

As I sat there sweating and swearing, I looked at the groups around me: young people unwinding after a week’s work, families a couple of generations deep, and groups of middle-aged men with their tops rolled up playing cards and drinking hard liquor.

It wasn’t hard to imagine the Chóngqìng’s “mǎtou wénhuà” (“wharf culture”) of the late 19th and early 20th centuries. Hotpot restaurants only a minute’s walk from almost every dock on the Yangtze River would host boat-pullers (“trackers”), traders, and, more illicitly, gangsters and businessmen doing deals over boiling oil.

These days Chóngqìng top-brass take pride in having cracked down on gang corruption, but the essence of hotpot culture in this grimy, sweaty, lively city seems unchanged.

This is a meal not to be messed with.


The Spinoff’s food content is brought to you by Freedom Farms. They believe talking about food is nearly as much fun as eating it, and they’re excited to facilitate some good conversations around food provenance in Aotearoa New Zealand.