My name is Eddie and I’m seven and my mum said I have to write about my school holidays and I just want to play Minecraft. I love swimming so these are the best places for swimming by me Eddie.
Eddie: Kilbirnie pool is new now but the only thing that’s new are the water guns. They’re really cool but I don’t like how people aim them at me. Because I go “stop!” And I do my angriest face and I make my face red. Kilbirnie is probably the best pool in the world. It’s super fun because you get to do very fun swimming.
Emily: I hate this pool because the kids are always screaming at each other over the new water guns. I love it because it’s so cheap. Under 5s are free. There’s a cafe but the food is kids only, AKA it is bad. The kids love the food.
Eddie: Lyall Bay is good because there’s lots of dogs and if you’re afraid of dogs that’s OK but maybe don’t go there. If you like dogs you should go there. The water is not too bad you can see sand in there so it wasn’t like no sand. I got my pet salp at Lyall Bay I sneaked it home and made a habitat. My salp’s name is Jelly. He’s a cool little friend to have. He has a medical alert bracelet like me so if you see him he has to be in water.
Emily: I love Lyall Bay for the dogs. Parenting levels need to be high with waves and dog shit to dodge. Check your child’s pockets at the beach to make sure there are no dead salps in them. The water is the cleanest that we have found this summer.
Eddie: Island Bay was not clean when I went there and it really upset me because I wanted to go swimming but I couldn’t because it was not clean. There was maybe some poo in there from the dump but when Island Bay is clean Island Bay is a good beach for two reasons – one is you can jump off the wharf and two is because of salps because salps are fun I have my own salp and you can keep a salp as a pet. Salps are very cool because they’re see through when you pick them up they’re kind of dirty if they’re sleeping on the sand but you wash them and fun to play with. When you swim through them it’s like swimming through jam and also there’s one thing that kind of scares some people at the beach which are blue bottles they sting you even when they’re on land.
Emily: You cannot keep a salp as a pet, his salp is dead. Island Bay is a good beach. The shower is next to the playground. Toilets are also by the playground – they’re grim as far as public toilets go. The water quality has been dicey this summer but generally it’s pretty good. Good fish and chips for dinner at the shops.
Eddie: Princess Bay is a good beach because it has dolphins in it usually or orcas but my mum is afraid of them so she won’t go in. You can’t go close to dolphins or the police for dolphins will come and get you because you have to leave them alone. It’s a cool beach.
Emily: Good parking and changing rooms. Seaweed and scary animals are not so good.
Eddie: Owhiro Bay beach once had a seal when I was a year two. You see them every year. So if I see it I will tell you. There’s rock pools if you walk around where my mum gets coffees. You can ride your bike. My friend lives there you can wave at him he might come down for a play.
Emily: The dump drains to this beach so don’t swim in it. Good coffee at The Beach House though. You can walk around to there and there’s a sheltered rock pooling area. It’s a marine reserve so don’t take anything.
Eddie: Oriental Bay has a fountain and it’s very cool. The water is nice because it’s flat. There’s a playground that you can climb up high. There’s not really any animals. Someday there might be animals. You can’t always know. There’s ice cream though.
Emily: My favourite for coffee proximity and toilets and showers. The playground is annoying because your kids probably will get stuck in that stupid climbing frame. It’s fairly sheltered there under the trees with good shade.
Eddie: The jumping wharf at Wellington Harbour. I don’t jump off yet because I don’t go there I just watch. I would never jump off it. It’s very scary. A lot of big people jump off it. I think there’s poo in there because my dad said there was poo in the water and my dad said I can’t until I can float exact properly and keep my head out of the water. It’s next to Te Papa.
Emily: Good fun watching people jump. I’d never let my kids swim in the harbour because of the poop.
Eddie: H20 Xtreme is probably the best pool in the world because it has a wave pool and a whirl pool and a river pool and a slide that goes so fast it’s actually the scariest you’ve ever been in your life and another slide as well that I once hurt myself on but it was OK I was OK and kids can’t go in the spa you’re not allowed.
Emily: It’s Xtreme Parenting. As in, two adults in the water if you have two little kids. It’s a lot. At Kilbirnie it’s shallow so my kids can touch the ground. That means we only need one parent in the pool. H20 Xtreme is exhausting parenting. The kids spent 90% of the time trying to drown themselves. The whirl pool and currents and waves are quite strong so even if you zone out for a second, your kid could go under. I had to go on the waterslide 15 times in a row. The kids loved it. I do not recommend this pool if you are tired or hungover.
Eddie: I went to Pilot Bay once and the water was warmer kind of there.
Emily: That’s because Tauranga has warmer weather.
Eddie: Remember when someone did a poo in the Tawa Pool.
Emily: I do.
Eddie: That was so funny. They had to get a poo catcher. Avalon Park has water and so does Waitangi Park but not a proper splash pad. I got a blow up pool for at home but my brother broke it straight away before we even could get in it so I don’t recommend that. It still works but he broke one part which really upsets me he breaks everything even my Lego. That’s all.
The Spinoff Weekly compiles the best stories of the week – an essential guide to modern life in New Zealand, emailed out on Monday evenings.