(IMAGE: TINA TILLER)

PartnersMarch 12, 2021

Magician wanted: Counting down Trade Me’s 10 buzziest job listings

Senior writer

(IMAGE: TINA TILLER)

Post-summer blues got you feeling ready for a career change? We’ve put together a helpful list of a few of the most interesting opportunities available right this very moment.

When I was a kid, I used to say that my dream job would be to work in the factory that put the crinkles into crinkle-cut chips. “What’s the deal with the crinkles?” I’d posit to an imaginary audience while pacing back and forth in my bedroom. Little did I know that a mere 20 years later, the only crinkles I’d have would be the ones on my forehead and around my eyes from staring at a hell machine all day because I gave up on my crinkle-cut factory dreams.

If you are similarly watching yourself morph into Emma the future office worker, with her stunning posture and gorgeous ruby red eyes, you also find yourself wondering about the careers that you are yet to try. In these moments, it can really help to take a soothing stroll through Trade Me’s job listings and consider all the different Sliding Doors routes that your life could have taken, And who knows, you may even find a new door you want to open?

The best part of all of this is that I’ve already done the dreaming for you. Here are 10 of the most interesting, buzzy, dreamiest jobs that you can apply for on Trade Me right now.

10) Magician wanted

I made some enquiries and this is not a magic-based role… unless that’s what they want us to think? Could be the old switcheroo, the old wand-to-flowers, the old plastic thumb. Definitely worth writing your CV in invisible ink, just to make sure they know who they’re dealing with.

9) Cake baker

Pak’ n Save Sylvia Park is looking for an experienced cake baker and food safety expert with “high personal presentation standards, a high degree of self-motivation and an excellent work ethic”. You’ll need a proven history in cake baking, perhaps to avoid this little snafu I once caught on camera at another Pak’ N Save across the city:

Not a very happy birthday. (Photo: Alex Casey)

Reckon you can do better than that? Applications are open until March 25.

8) Shot firer

Sorry, you’re just going to pass up the opportunity to say “ooh, shots fired” several hundred times a day and get paid for it? I don’t understand a single part of this job and that’s a promise, but if you are the type of person with the “ability to ‘tie in’ shots with Nonels” then this is for you.

7) Psychics or Tarot readers required

If you have over five years’ experience in either psychic or tarot reading, then here’s a humdinger job that can be done from anywhere in the country. Imagine having your own 0900 number! What are you, a tele-op in the 90s? No, you’re a supernatural talent with good communication and listening skills about to embark on the journey of your life.

Could this be your hand? Photo: Trade Me

6) Chicken catcher

“If you enjoy working with live animals and are confident you can catch chickens, apply now.” Please note: very smelly and dusty environment – maybe one for your boyfriend then? Jokes.

5) Cookie Time Franchisee

If you haven’t bitten into a chocolate chunk afghan and thought “yes, this is exactly what I want for the rest of my life” then you are absolutely telling a lie. Cookie Time Ltd has a franchise run for sale in the Bay of Plenty and are looking for someone keen to own a part of the iconic Kiwi brand. Imagine, wearing a cookie print shirt every day and hanging out with this absolute loose unit. You’d never eat a bar that wasn’t bumper nor a meal that wasn’t square ever again.

4) Dog handler/driver

As much as Campbell Live tried to push their agenda, most dogs cannot drive themselves hither and thither just yet. That’s where you would come in – with your hardworking nature and great initiative – to run these furry friends around to and from home as well as walking them, cleaning up after them and “supervising the pack in daycare.” Get. Paid. To. Watch. Dogs. Having. Fun.

3) Ranger

If you’d rather be staring in awe at the Mahoenui Giant Wētā, aka “the god of ugly things”, instead of a computer screen, this sweet-looking DOC Ranger job in the Maniapoto District might just be for you. Not only will your commute often be a stroll through the lush Pureora Forest Park, you’ll also be tasked with protecting and restoring historic sites, monitoring and protecting native wildlife and a variety of community events. Most crucially, the Te Kuiti Muster aka when the whole town turns into a sheep-themed delight. What are ewe waiting for?

2) Flavour chemist

Be still, my beating heart. “It’s basically designing flavours,” big boss Bob from Formula Foods explains. “If you think of anything you ate for breakfast, lunch or dinner, if it’s not fresh at the time and it’s got a sweet factor to it or a savoury factor to it, chances are it’s had flavour top notes added to it.” Formula Foods has 65 flavours of vanilla alone – Wonka could never.

They are ideally looking for someone with five years experience as a flavour chemist, but you need no experience to read their website and drool. Their latest flavours include pandan, fig, pink grapefruit, Anzac biscuit and many Kiwiana offerings including pavlova, pineapple lumps and lolly cake. In the style of Craig Ashley David, I had to ask Bob – what’s his flava?

“I’m classic,” he laughed. “It’s good old hokey pokey for me.”

1) Carnival ride operator

Ronan Keating once decreed that life is a rollercoaster and one just has to ride it. Well, Boulder Park Amusements don’t have a rollercoaster, but they are in need of someone to operate their array of ferris wheels, teacup rides, tugboats and merry-go-rounds, which seems legit like the most fun and freaky job of all time. See the above and below videos for haunting entertainment.

“We don’t have dud rides,” says Russell from Boulder Park. “We only have the best.” There’s no prior experience needed for this fairground fantasy job, but the perfect candidate would need good people skills, a friendly nature and would be willing to work in a wide range of tasks. “It’s a job that you’ve got to be shown – you can’t read out of a textbook,” says Russell.

“There’s no school for it, just the school of hard knocks.”

But those hard knocks come with some pretty great perks. Not only will you have the chance to operate the big rides, but you can run the sideshow games too. “It’s a fun job, you meet so many people from all walks of life and travel to all sorts of festivals – and of course you get into all of them for free.” Gratis rides at the Easter Show? Can life get any better than that?

You might be wondering if all rides are created equal, or if some are more challenging to operate than others. “They’re all the best to operate,” says a diplomatic Russell. “You’re probably best asking me an hour after I’ve packed one up, then you’ll get the truth.” Having had carnival rides in the family for generations, I had one more question: which is his favourite ride?

“I try not to ride them,” he laughs. “I get motion sickness.” Applications are still open.

Keep going!

It’s never too early to invest in your financial future (Photo: Getty Images)

MoneyMarch 11, 2021

Why investing for retirement starts the day you’re born

Jonathan Cotton

Guest writer

It’s never too early to invest in your financial future (Photo: Getty Images)

You’re never too young to start investing for your retirement – or start talking to your kids about their financial future. The new Kids Investment Account from Hatch is designed to help make that happen.

Talking to our kids openly and honestly about financial matters has never been a particularly Kiwi trait, but then again, neither has financial security. But with a growing wealth gap, clear links between money problems and poor overall wellbeing, and with an economic future as uncertain as ever, our national “she’ll be right” position doesn’t seem to be serving us – or our kids – as an effective financial strategy.

When it comes to taking control of our financial futures, avoidance is a common approach. For many of us, the subject of money carries a significant emotional weight, and when things aren’t going right, it can be easier to put our head in the sand, ignore the future in favour of more immediate obligations, or to fritter away what we do have for instant gratification.

But consider this: historically, US share markets have grown 10% a year on average, before inflation. Given that fact, if you were to invest just $2,040 on the day a child was born, by the time they turned 65 they would have over $1 million invested.

Such is the magic of compounding growth. Once again for those in the back: long-term million dollar financial security for a child can be accessed for a one-time investment of $2,040.

The trick is, of course, to start early, so time is on the side of young investors, who can do a lot with a little and easily ride out short-term market waves in the interests of life-changing long term gains.

Young potentials

So far so good, but sometimes logic is one thing, and a child’s mind another. Have you ever tried to encourage an eight year old to save for their retirement? It’s not as easy as it sounds.

It’s a conversation we have to have however. One initiative bringing the better money management message to young New Zealanders is Banqer, a tech platform designed to teach primary and secondary school-aged kids financial literacy. But while Banqer is a definite step in the right direction, there’s no replacing real conversations about real financial matters in the home.

“Money conversations aren’t happening at the family level, and if they are happening, they’re often just too boring,” says Kristen Lunman, co-founder and GM of Hatch, a digital investment platform which provides Kiwi investors easy access to US share markets.

“That’s a huge pity, because investing isn’t boring. Putting your money to work is actually really interesting and exciting,” says Lunman.

Kristen Lunman (Photo: Hatch/Pat Sheppard)

To prove it, Hatch has just launched its Kids Investment Account product designed to ingrain long-term investment habits – and financial security – in New Zealand youngsters through simple engagement with the US stock market.

Lunman says that high-profile, recognisable brands offer parents a way to build lifelong investment habits while using small sums to demonstrate solid investment principles.

“It can be really hard for parents to convey financial concepts to kids, and it can be hard for kids to connect the dots as to exactly what’s going on – let alone get excited about learning,” she says.

But if you take a teenager who wants to wear nothing but Nike, and offer them ownership of a piece of that company – as well as the financial rewards that can come with that – the nature of the game changes, says Lunman.

“Together, parents and kids can take $100 and literally buy a slice of Nike and that’s powerful. As that company grows over time – that is, as more kids out there start wearing Nike products – that invested $100 grows, and you benefit from the company’s success,” she says.

“It suddenly becomes easy for parents and kids to make that connection.”

And if those stocks drop, well, that’s a teachable moment too, as parents and children investigate the possible reasons together, and parents reinforce the wisdom of long-term holding in the face of short-term losses.

Fast track your future (Photo: Hatch/Pat Sheppard)

Investment values

When it comes to getting kids excited about controlling their own financial futures, it’s not just the popularity of global megabrands that can be put to work. Investment is about faith in the future.

This gives parents a chance to talk about what the world is going to look like in 10 years and the influence children have on what it could look like. Backing companies doing good things provides a way for young people to invest, literally and figuratively, in the future.

Kids love space? Leverage that interest through investment in a space exploration via innovation funds like ARK, or space-bound companies Tesla or Virgin. ‘Tweens passionate about a green future? How about investing in plant-based meat-alternative business Beyond Meat? Fundamentally, it’s a message of hope, says Lunman.

“We need to recognise the kind of value we can create in the future and over time,” she says.

“You don’t need NZ$10,000 to get started. You don’t need NZ$5000. Even $5 a week can end up being a million bucks. It’s never too late, and for kids, if they start early enough, they can all be millionaires by the time they need to access that money.”

This content was created in paid partnership with Hatch. Learn more about our partnerships here.