The Spinoff’s winners and losers of the week.
- It was another bad week for… Christopher Luxon, who is facing fresh media speculation he could be pushed to resign as National leader, as polls continue to show National under 30%. The prime minister insists that he doesn’t worry about polls other than National’s internal polling, which is way better, but no you can’t see it, because the poll goes to another school. And it lives in Canada.
- It was a good week for… anyone worried about the fuel crisis. Petrol and diesel hit record high prices and there is less than a month’s worth of fuel left in the country, but prime minister Christopher Luxon reassured the country that “we have no risk of disruption to our future fuel supply”. So chill out, everything is fine.
- It was a bad week for… Nicola Willis, who jetted off to Washington DC to ask US officials when things would return to “normal”. Oh, my sweet summer child…
- It was a good week for… Kiwi MMA fighter Carlos Ulberg, who won the UFC light-heavyweight title and appears to have grown a second leg.
- It was a bad week for the Five Eyes relationship. A former CIA spymaster told RNZ that New Zealand is “probably” withholding intelligence from the United States. For example, no one will explain why the Australian spies keep calling him “Seppo”.
- It was a good week for… Simeon Brown, who announced a nationwide expansion of community cancer infusion services. It’s a genuinely good policy that will help a lot of people and he managed to announce it without attacking any opposition MPs. Good on you, Simeon.
- It was a bad week for… Wairoa mayor Craig Little, who kickstarted an impressively stupid discourse about whether it was “woke” to prepare for Cyclone Vaianu. True anti-wokesters refuse to call it Cyclone Vaianu and insist on using its deadname: “Tropical Disturbance TD11F”.
- It was a bad week for… New Zealander of the Year Sir Rod Drury. An investigation by Stuff’s Paula Penfold revealed that he was investigated for inappropriate workplace conduct during his time as CEO of accounting software company Xero. Shareholders are advised that goodwill previously attributed to the founder has been reclassified from an asset to a liability.
- It was a good week…. for New Zealand First, which announced that former All Black captain Taine Randell will run for the party in the 2026 election. He should help the party win the all-important demographic of men who peaked in the ‘90s.
