Pop CultureJune 15, 2023

The enduring charm of 7 Days’ ‘My Kid Could Draw That’ segment

Senior writer

As 7 Days celebrates 400 episodes, Alex Casey talks to the first ever kid to have their messed-up drawing analysed by a panel of comedians.

It is August, 2009. John Key is the prime minister, the biggest song in the country is ‘Sweet Dreams’ by Beyonce, and an eight-year-old Charlie Britzman is proudly presenting his artwork on brand new comedy show 7 Days. His pencil drawing features 10 stick figures, all in various states of distress, with a rugby goal post looming behind them. “Die” utters one. “Die” another repeats. Between them, a figure with crosses for eyes has already taken their instructions on board.

“Good thing I’m not in that fight”, a bystander stick figure observes. “Not yet”, another warns.

Comedians Jeremy Elwood, Irene Pink and Paul Ego: Stumped

Back in the 7 Days studio, the audience erupts into hoots and applause. “Crikey”, says Paul Ego. Irene Pink points out that all the characters are naked apart from their huge shoes. Ben Hurley is more concerned, rightfully, with the character who is impaled by spikes. The scene is, as Charlie soon explains, an artistic recreation of the “big rugby punch up” between Kelston and Auckland Grammar. “That’s pretty much all that is happening and I hope you like it,” he shrugs.

Fourteen years and 400 episodes later, Britzman is returning to 7 Days studio tonight to relive his glory days as the child artist who launched a thousand haunted pics. Week after week since 2009, a different primary school kid has shared their cursed interpretation of a news event with the panel of comedians, who try their best to guess what the hell is going on. It never fails to shock, amuse and draw coos from the crowd, cementing it as one of the most enduring 7 Days segments of all time.

7 Days producer Rob Brown says ‘My Kid Could Draw That’ was the brainchild of Amanda Alison, creator of Mean Mums and one of the original 7 Days writers. “It’s our very own unique panel show game that isn’t done anywhere else in the world”, he says. “It’s very Kiwi, and makes it feel family too.” Highlights from over the years include the invasion of the rat bats, sportspeople struggling to align their heads with their bodies and the world’s happiest donut.

“It’s nice to share in a bit of Kiwi history, which I suppose it is, at least so I’ve been told”, Britzman laughs over the phone from the departure lounge at Melbourne Airport, Auckland-bound. “It feels a little bit like another lifetime, but I’m just really happy that the show has had such a good run and that I could be a part of it in some way.”

Now working as a stage lighting specialist in Melbourne and moonlighting as a DJ under the name DJ 42C, 23-year-old Britzman can still recall how the first ever ‘My Kid Could Draw That’ came to be. He was at Waitakere Primary School when one of the Deans came into class and interrupted the lesson with an “exciting” activity. “I remember we were all told to do a drawing”, says Charlie. “We were given a variety of different headlines to choose from or, if we had any news headlines that we had noticed ourselves, there was a bit of creative freedom there.”

He can’t recall exactly why he would have settled on the brutal brawl involving 100 students that saw one knocked unconscious, but can take a guess. “My little band of brothers in primary school had been having some little confrontations out on the rugby field, so maybe it was a bit contemporaneous to our struggle as primary schoolers”, he laughs.

After he added the final touches to ‘Big Rugby Punch-Up’ (graphite on paper, 2009), it wasn’t long before young Charlie was approached by 7 Days producers to have a chat on camera. “I definitely remember being excited, but what I remember even more vividly was the resentment from my friends about being chosen for the role.” Looking back now with adult eyes, he says it is clear that the “violence and absurdity” of the work was undoubtedly it’s appeal.

Charlie got to stay up to watch his debut on 7 Days, and although “chuffed” with the cameo, did not play it up at school. “I didn’t want to gloat or draw any attention to myself, but I did think it was funny.” Rewatching the segment ahead of his return to 7 Days, he says it is clear why the idea has worked so well for so many years. “There’s that childlike innocence that comes through – from the mouth of babes and all that.”

Brown says everyone involved in 7 Days is feeling “really old” after Britzman’s return. “Charlie’s gone from a small kid to fully growing up and becoming a DJ man in Melbourne. And we’re still here banging out the show each week”, he says. “I guess we’ll come full circle soon and get his kid to draw.” As for the artworks themselves, many were returned back to parents but there’s still a “swag” of them floating about the 7 Days office. “Maybe we should do a gallery of them”, muses Brown. “Make some money and give it to the teachers.”

Unfortunately, Britzman says he has no idea what happened to ‘Big Rugby Punch-Up’ (2009, graphite on paper), the artwork that launched a 7 Days stalwart. Over a decade later and now a proper adult living in a country far away from heckling New Zealand comedians, he admits he does still pick up the pencil every now and again. “I’ve not improved very much, to be honest”, he says. “I’m still stuck in the stick figures phase.”

The 400th episode of 7 Days airs Thursday June 15 at 7.30pm on Three.

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Design: Archi Banal

Pop CultureJune 15, 2023

Are these Shortland Street’s most intense episodes… ever?

Tara Ward

Staff writer

Design: Archi Banal

If you think the biggest drama only happens at the end of the year, think again.

When Shortland Street returned this year with a gritty new look, producer Oliver Driver promised to keep viewers guessing. This week he is making good on that promise, delivering three nights of intense, high stakes drama, the kind we only usually see during the annual Christmas cliffhanger. Shortland Street is giving us a mid-winter season of mayhem, as an active shooter roams the hospital corridors in epic scenes that will play out across three nervous nights.

Like every good drama, there’s a twist. Last night, we saw the shooter begin his evil rampage, with several Shortland Street staff caught in the crossfire. Tonight, we’ll see Wednesday night’s drama play out again from different points of view, and once more on Friday. Each episode will reveal missing pieces of the puzzle, building in tension and suspense to reach an emotional crescendo on Friday night. It’s dark (literally, most of the lights are out) and stressful and pretty full on, but you certainly can’t accuse the soap – now in its 32nd year – of playing things safe.

The shooter is a troubled teenager named Milo, a recurring character who lost his father in last year’s wildfires and his mother to cancer, and who ram-raided a store with TK Samuels’ daughter Tilly, then beat up TK. Milo blamed Marty with the Good Hair for his woes, which is unfair given the worst thing that boring old Marty has ever done is get slightly drunk and call his ex-girlfriend “Dawny-Dawn”. Milo was really mad. Maybe Milo should have stayed in the tin.

New paramedic Shazza was the first victim, shot down after several episodes of extreme bogan car chat. Her ambo partner Logan was next, the bullet piercing his thigh even though he recently gave bone marrow to a brother he didn’t know he had, one of possibly thousands of siblings created by a father secretly addicted to visiting sperm banks. Dressed in medical scrubs and a mask, Milo nicked Logan’s swipe card and snuck into the hospital, even though most hospitals are reported to have a front entrance that anyone can stroll through at their leisure.

The emergency lockdown sirens rang through the hospital, but the staff didn’t care. They’d already had a week of hoax alarms, and there was free cake in the cafe. As always, Chris Warner was the only one with the clarity of mind required for a situation like this. “Keep low, stay still, stay quiet,” he ordered his son Harry, as Harper screamed and ran off to save her kids. Nicole phoned Maeve, CC rang TK and Esther called the hotline to Marty’s heart. Won’t someone call the police, or at least put their ringtones on silent?

Meanwhile, surgical intern Quinn took a bullet while in the elevator, arguing with Maeve about their mutual love for Nicole. All the biggest Shortland Street drama takes place in that lift, and if those walls could talk, they would say: please, we need another wipe down. At this rate, there won’t be any interns left to compete for the prized role at Shortland Street, but who will want to work there now? There may never be free cake in the cafe again.

As TK ran around trying to save everyone (but ignoring a woman in labour), Marty’s voice boomed out over the hospital intercom, imploring Milo to meet him in ED. Of all the deathly implements Dr Marty had at his disposal, he chose to defend himself with an IV pole, but what could go wrong? Another gunshot echoed through the halls. “You need to hide!” Chris urged Harper, as they both stood in front of a window. If Leanne was there, she would have sorted this shit out in five minutes flat.

We didn’t get all the answers last night, of course. Who is Esther trying desperately to save, her lovely white shirt now covered in blood? What happened to surgical intern Parker? Does Logan survive, and who was the target of that final gunshot?

Drew and Harper rushed the kids to safety

It’s only June, but already this year Shortland Street has brought back beloved characters, experimented with a dark new style and format, and resolved the lengthy, complex crimes of a poisonous megachurch. Now we have a Ferndale Shooter, which will surely go down in Shortland Street history as one of its most shocking and impressive storylines ever. Can the show sustain the level of heightened drama we’ve seen this year, and how will these episodes impact the rest of 2023? After all, there’s never been a crisis that Chris Warner hasn’t managed to safely smoulder his way through… or is there?

Shortland Street screens weeknights on TVNZ 2 at 7pm and streams on TVNZ+.