In the first of a new series looking at dating in New Zealand, a 24-year-old on Grindr isn’t keen to intertwine lives.
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Age: 24
Gender: Non-binary
Sexuality: Bisexual/Queer
Ethnicity: Pākehā
Religion: Atheist
Occupation: I could tell you, but that would make me identifiable when combined with other answers.
My living location is: Auckland
The apps I’m on: Grindr
I’m looking for: Currently, something casual but not completely anonymous. I want to know a bit about the person I’m spending time with, but that doesn’t mean we have to intertwine our lives. Long term, or whenever it happens, I want to meet someone who I can have a deeper connection with.
Mostly I’m finding: A lot of old men in my DMs (no thank you).
My last serious relationship was: A four-year-long non-monogamous relationship with another queer person. We spent the last two years living together and broke up a week before our anniversary. Everything ended on good terms, it boiled down to both of us changing as people and needing to work through things on our own.
The worst date I ever had: 2019, Holey Moley on the Auckland waterfront. Pretty much no one else was there, we didn’t click and found out at the end that we had very opposing political views.
The best date I ever had: My six-month anniversary trip with my last partner. Technically it was a weekend trip, but we made some lasting memories and learnt a huge amount about each other and what we were struggling with. Also discovered a shared love for the omelette at Bennetts of Mangawhai – IYKYK.
The most regrettable thing I ever did on a date: Telling my first girlfriend that I didn’t love her anymore on our one-year anniversary (she took it surprisingly well).
The best thing a date ever did for me: Showed me what it looks like to really connect with someone on a deeper level. My first date with my last partner involved cafe hopping around the city and lasted for hours and filled me with a sense of reassurance.
The biggest red flag I’ve seen on a date: Haven’t seen any as of yet, but a lack of curiosity and asking questions is a red flag for me.
On a date I usually wear: Depends on the date, but I always try to encapsulate my own style. I always want to show up as myself.
I have sex when: Opportunities present themselves.
I wish dating: Didn’t revolve around online platforms. I love meeting people in person, it’s much easier to gauge someone’s vibe.
This is what I think about who pays on dates: If you’ve proposed the date, be prepared to cover all of it. If it feels more like a mutual agreement, 50/50 feels best. Always depends on personal situations.
Three words that describe my dream date: Instant inside jokes.
My dating advice is: Show some interest, ask questions that get them thinking. If you don’t think you could also be friends with them, then they’re probably not the one.
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