Have you been paying for your Covid-19 rapid antigen tests? Would you rather get them for free? Here’s how.

Perhaps you’ve got a niggling sore throat or you’ve woken up with a fever. Maybe someone you live with has tested positive for Covid-19. Or you might be wanting to be extra careful ahead of visiting an older relative or immunocompromised friend. Rapid antigen tests (RATs) remain a handy tool – in fact one of the only tools left – for reducing the spread of Covid-19 in Aotearoa.

For many people, the main motivation for continuing precautions has been keeping other people safe. It may no longer be mandatory to mask up in healthcare facilities or isolate if you test positive, but Covid-19 is very much still out there. This week, 3,625 new cases were reported and there were 11 more deaths attributed to the virus. 

“RATs are the recommended testing method for people with Covid-19 symptoms or who are household contacts because of the fast results they provide,” says Te Whatu Ora’s group manager for outbreak response testing, Celeste Gilmour. “This enables people at higher risk of severe illness from Covid-19 to get any medical treatment and care they need quickly, which helps to reduce the risk of hospitalisation and widespread transmission of the disease throughout the community.”

But while RATs clearly remain useful, they can also be prohibitively priced. Some retailers charge an eye-watering $29.95 for boxes of five or a staggering $5.95 for a single test. Thankfully, you probably don’t actually need to spend a cent on a test – and who doesn’t love free things?

How do we access free tests?

In March last year, the government announced that free rapid antigen tests could be ordered from a new Ministry of Health website and then collected from sites nationwide. Even now, there are hundreds of places to pick up free RATs around the country.

You can collect free RATs from an eclectic mix of locations: chemists, pharmacies, vaccination centres, drive through testing centres, health and medical centres, Māori health providers, community health services, superclinics, Countdown pharmacies, Chemist Warehouse, marae, GPs and more. 

This week there were 507 listed pick-up sites around the country, but a spokesperson for Te Whatu Ora told The Spinoff that “the number of sites can vary depending on regional demand for RATs”. To find your closest collection site, use the Healthpoint website’s search function. During earlier stages of the pandemic, you were required to pre-order tests, but these days there’s no need – just turn up.

“As of early September, Te Whatu Ora has 37.2 million RATs available for use by healthcare providers and the public,” says Gilmour. Divided up across the population, that’s around seven RATs each. 

It’s worth noting that the Healthpoint website is infuriatingly clunky – the antithesis of user friendly web-design. For example, if one is looking for free RATs in the South Island town of Riverton, the closest pick up location listed is in Dunedin – almost three hours away. But the map featured on the same page shows a pharmacy with free tests available in Riverton’s town centre. Your best bet when it comes to using the site accurately (and to save you making an unnecessary long-distance drive) is to check both the list and map in the search results.

The Spinoff contacted a random selection of listed pick-up locations in both cities and rural parts of the country to check whether they had free tests available at the moment – all of them did. This might not always be the case, so it would be worth calling ahead to ensure wherever you’re planning to pick up from actually has stock. And if it isn’t immediately obvious where the free tests are when you’re at the pick-up spot, just ask the staff.

If you’re a jet-setting type, international airports like Auckland and Christchurch currently have free rapid antigen tests available for arriving international passengers. You may as well grab a box if you’re making your way through arrivals. And good news if you live in a city – it’s unlikely you’ll have to drive much longer than 10 minutes to find a free box.

But for some of us, there are more barriers to access

While more populous parts of the country are relatively abundant with RAT pick-up locations, other areas could be described as RAT deserts. Mirroring rural New Zealand’s more limited access to healthcare resources in general, pick up locations are scarcer in places outside the main centres.

As an example, there are three times as many pick-up spots in Central Auckland as there are across the entire Southland region. In Cambridge, the closest pick-up location is in Morrinsville, a 27-minute drive away. Even if you can find a place to pick up tests, the vast majority of locations only open between 9am-5pm, Monday to Friday. If you’re wanting to check whether that tickle in your throat is Covid-19 or not, it might not be entirely practical (or desirable) to drive an hour return trip during working hours to pick up tests.

For that reason, University of Auckland microbiologist Siouxsie Wiles would like to see RATs made more accessible across the country. Her advice, especially for those without easy access to free tests due to location or inflexible work schedules, is to keep a stash of tests on hand at home. “It would be great if people could keep a few packs around the house for when they need them, rather than having to pick them up once symptomatic,” she says. This could mean picking up a few boxes when you next make a trip into town, liaising with friends or whānau to pick up a bunch to share, or ordering online for a delivery.

Delivery, you say?

Gilmour advises that “people who live rurally, have a disability, are immunocompromised or experiencing some other difficulty collecting RATs, may be eligible for additional help, including delivery if necessary”. You can call 0800 222 478 to find out whether you’re eligible for this.

How should I spend the money I’ve saved by getting free RATs?

Instead of spending $29.95 on a box of five you could instead buy two bags of potatoes, or a movie ticket paired with a BYO bag of lollies, or three giant jars of pickles from my local Persian shop, or a decent bottle of prosecco, or a pair of good-quality stockings. With the $5.95 you’ll save on a single test you could buy a five-pack of Mi Goreng noodles, a pie and (the cheapest) canned drink from the dairy, or a bowl of fries from your local RSA.

I’m still not even sure I’m doing the test right…

First, swab the inside of your mouth, “along the cheeks and towards the throat,” says Wiles, but there’s “no need to go so far as to make you gag”. Then do the inside of your nose as normal using the same swab. Wiles has a game-changing tip for testing tamariki: “I think swabbing the mouth rather than the nose is also a good strategy for kids as it can be very hard and unpleasant to swab little noses.”

But, she adds, make sure you’re waiting at least 30 minutes if you’ve eaten or drunk anything (except water) before swabbing your mouth. And record your results on the My Covid Record site. Happy (free) testing!

If you treat women like spooked horses, you’re going to get a hoof to the solar plexus.

Want Hera’s help? Email your problem to helpme@thespinoff.co.nz

Kia ora Hera,

I’m a middle-aged guy. After some relationship trauma, followed by a few years of introspection, I’ve come to understand that I’m a bit lonely and emotionally needy, and that I’d like to have more close friends, like I used to have in my early twenties.

I’ve always related mainly to women. When I was younger, establishing these friendships happened easily. But now that’s harder and can easily become awkward. I don’t know whether that’s because of my age, or because of an increasing awareness among women that many men are sexist, predatory, creepy, weirdos who indulge in stalking, upskirting and dodgy internet activities. 

Hera, what advice can you give me? I’ve been reading these columns of yours and I’ve noticed that your replies are not only acerbic and ironic but also wise.

Ngā mihi nui

Middle Aged Guy

Dear Middle Aged Guy,

HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS WITH WOMEN:

• Go to places where women like to congregate, like maternity wards, wedding dress stores, and breast cancer awareness marathons.
• Take a Judith Butler book everywhere you go, and conspicuously read it in public. Don’t forget to nod vigorously and say “haha YES!” every so often, so people know you’re absorbing the message. 
• Dig a big pit in your front yard, cover it with a sheet, put up a sign saying “FREE CAKE AND HANDBAGS”, and wait for some local broads to fall in. 

Making friends with women is obviously a cool and worthwhile thing to do. But I think your read of the wider cultural situation is a little paranoid. For a start, I wouldn’t say there’s an increasing awareness amongst women that men are “etc” and “so forth.” There is, however, an increasing awareness amongst men regarding the kind of harassment that women experience. 

I don’t mean to say our fears aren’t well-founded. But I think in our attempt to hammer the message home, we accidentally overstated the level of daily fear most women experience. Everyone took that damn Margaret Atwood quote too seriously. “Men are afraid women will laugh at them, women are afraid men will kill them.” OK Margaret. But I don’t live in fear of being killed by a man, any more than I live in fear of being hit by a car. It doesn’t mean it won’t happen, but I don’t flinch at every Subaru I see. 

Do I feel safe walking home through an unlit area at night? Not always. But I think it’s important to admit this isn’t exclusively a female problem. Lots of people need to be vigilant against male violence, including most men. Unless your name is Sergei Knifehammer and you’re built like an industrial corn harvester, you probably have decent cause to be wary. And it’s not just men who are dangerous. If you’re a Pasifika man in your early 20s, say, going for a morning stroll around a suburban area can easily result in some neighbourhood watch lunatic calling the cops on you.  

The world isn’t a safe place and everyone’s at risk of violence, even if that violence is expressed differently based on gender, race, or sexuality. I’m not saying this is your cue to start approaching random women in parking lots at night and asking them if they want to come home and see your corn husk collection. But I think your concern is counterproductive. Take upskirting, for instance. Unless you’re walking around with giant mirrors taped to your shoes, I really wouldn’t worry. As for “dodgy internet activities,” I’m pretty sure most men spend more time researching the JFK assassination than looking at torture porn. 

I mention all this because being fixated on counteracting negative perceptions is no way to win hearts and minds. Curiosity about someone else’s experience is important. But if you treat women like spooked horses, you’re going to get a hoof to the solar plexus. Not to mention “I promise I won’t extract your teeth in my basement” is not a great basis for friendship. A good basis for a friendship is both really hating Janice in apartment 2B, or having a shared interest in the biological longevity of lobsters. 

So how do you make friends? 

First of all, ask yourself: do you actually want to be platonic friends with women, or do you want to get to know more women for friendship while also remaining open to the possibility of romance? Either scenario is fine. But a lot of women’s irritation comes from men deliberately obfuscating their motives. 

A lot more annoying and common than predatory men are the guys who send you an allegedly platonic message, and when you don’t write back within 24 hours, bombard you with 100 texts saying “hey, i noticed you haven’t responded to my messages, have i done something wrong?” It’s galling to hear these guys misinterpret irritation as fear. Just because someone doesn’t want to hear an unsolicited rant about your Naruto card collection, it doesn’t mean they inherently view you as a sexual predator. 

In my experience, most guys are chill and normal. And most women are extremely good at reading vibes. If you’re genuinely having trouble making platonic connections with women, maybe you’re bringing some kind of weird or nervous energy to these interactions, even if you’re not intending to.

I think your self-professed emotional neediness is something you’re going to have to address. There is a particular subset of men who specifically seek out female companionship because they see all women as freelance therapists. You can and should complain about your problems to your friends, but there needs to be a real basis of love and reciprocity first. Otherwise, you’re just forcing someone to do your emotional homework. 

I can see that you’re invested in combating sexism. So I have a challenge for you, which is to revisit your prejudice against male friendships. Perhaps, for whatever reason, connections with men haven’t come as easily for you. But perhaps you’re looking in the wrong kind of places. Friendships between men can be just as deep and intimate and caring as female ones, and I’d hate for you to write the boys off so soon. 

Honestly, I think a lot of your problems have more to do with time of life. It’s easy to make friends in your early twenties. It’s practically your only job. But a lot of people in middle age don’t actually want new friends. It’s a difficult time to form new relationships regardless of gender. But if you’re lonely and want more people in your life, there is an easy and beautiful solution.

JOIN A CLUB! 

I know I’m a broken record on this subject. But there is truly nothing like having a hobby to meet new people. Here are my reasons why joining a club is a great solution: 

• Women love hobbies. And the kind of men who participate in hobby groups are probably more likely to be open to the type of friendships you’re seeking.
• It’s a low emotional risk. There is time to build up a rapport with people, friendships can evolve naturally, and people will be less on guard with you. 
• You meet lots of different people, of different ages and life experiences, which is not only interesting but massively increases your chances of meeting someone you click with. 
• You’re already hanging out with a group of people who are explicitly interested in having more social interactions in their lives and don’t have to weed out those who would rather be at home. 
• You already have a common interest AND an inbuilt activity. if you’re engrossed in a conversation about the beauty of snapping turtles, or learning to paint sunsets, you’re already halfway there. 

You’ll probably have a few failures. But no more than anyone trying to make new friends in midlife. And if you take an Indian cooking class or Foxtrot lessons and don’t meet anyone, you can always try again somewhere else. The worst that can happen is you’ll learn to make a halfway decent paneer. As long as you treat women like normal people, and don’t start offering free backrubs, there’s nothing to fret about. 

Like Coach Taylor says: clear eyes, full heart, can’t lose. 

Good luck! 

Want Hera’s help? Email your problem to helpme@thespinoff.co.nz. Read the previous Help Me Heras here.