Just as sexuality is a spectrum, so too is asexuality. In Ace of Hearts, members of New Zealand’s asexual community talk about the challenges and misconceptions of identifying as ace.

First published November 17, 2020.

Ace of Hearts is part of Frame, a series of short documentaries produced by Wrestler for The Spinoff.

“A lot of people don’t take it seriously,” Amy says about identifying as asexual. “They’ll start a relationship with you thinking it’s something that will go away or something you can change … when it gets to a point where they realise it’s not changeable, that can cause issues.” 

Asexuality doesn’t just mean you’ve got a low libido or have never had a partner, or that you’re totally repulsed by physical contact – it’s a whole wide spectrum. And it’s a spectrum that’s widely misunderstood.

Many people who identify on the asexual spectrum found a home there after struggling to feel at home in the pride community. “There are some people who are all for Aces being part of the queer and the larger rainbow community,” says Demila, who identifies as asexual and aromantic. “And then there are others who say that aces aren’t part of that at all.”

“The rainbow is a spectrum,” says Rafiqah, who identifies as demisexual and panromantic. “If we look at the rainbow, you can break it down into ROYGBIV colours – but within those colours there are different spectrums, different shades that people shouldn’t ignore.”

Frame is a series of short, standalone documentaries produced by Wrestler for The Spinoff. Watch more here.

Made with support from NZ On Air.