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Pop CultureApril 6, 2018

Chris Harris on Dancing With the Stars is the greatest thing to ever happen to me

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Look at him. Just look at him. This is amazing.

Former New Zealand cricket player Chris Zinzan Harris is going to be on Dancing With the Stars. To me, an avowed fan of both the legendary all-rounder and the harmlessly stupid celebrity dancing show, this could just about be the greatest thing that has ever happened.

The best thing is: I called it. In an otherwise worthless piece of speculation published on this website on February 17th, I shrewdly noted that “no cricketer has ever crossed the dancefloor. This could be the year that changes.” I knew it would be Harry.

At the time he was taking part in a Caltex promotion called ‘Win the Ultimate Runner’, where by simply buying $40 or more of petrol you could go in the draw to literally win Chris Harris. For “a maximum of four hours,” the terms and conditions stated, he would act as your servant at a One Day International cricket game; you would be able to ask him to go and fetch you “up to $100 NZD” worth of snacks while you sat and watched his former team in action.

No other New Zealand cricketer past or present would willingly endure this kind of indignity. It is is the exact kind of attitude required of a celebrity for them to go on Dancing With the Stars.

Chris Harris has always been a maverick. His autobiography, Harry: The Chris Harris Story, includes a stunning testimonial from Daniel Vettori, recalling the first time the pair met. “We were rooming together for my first test in Wellington in 1997,” Vettori remembers. “He stormed into the room and said: ‘P-A-R-T-Y. Why? Because I have to. G’day, I’m Chris Harris.’”

Of all the passages in all the books I have read, this is the one I think of most often.

My affection for Chris Harris runs much deeper than that one anecdote, of course. He is also responsible for my first ever experience of sheer, out-of-body sports joy.

It’s the first game of the 1992 Benson & Hedges World Cup. Australia are 6 for 199, chasing New Zealand’s first innings total of 248. I am six years old, but I am aware of the match situation – this is close, it’s going down to the wire. Gavin Larsen hobbles in to bowl and Ian Healy nudges the ball into the on side. The call is two. Chris Harris swoops in from the outfield, and off-balance, with just one stump to aim for, from about 40 metres out – though it seems more like 100 – he hits the stumps at the bowler’s end. David Boon, the danger man, is run out.

God, Chris Harris was so cool. He had everything you could ever want from a sporting hero. He was New Zealand’s original freaky fielder, diving around in the gully taking blinders and easily saving as many runs as he scored. His batting style was idiosyncratic, full of weird superstitious tics, but he always seemed to step up when the top order inevitably failed. His bowling – such an awesome shambles of an action – seemed to hypnotise batsmen; he was the king of caught and bowleds, and his economy rate was almost without peer.

Amazing to think that he did all of this while rapidly going bald, stoically resisting the advances of Advanced Hair Studio. This is the kind of character international cricket is sorely lacking these days. Can you even imagine a bald man being selected for the Blackcaps in 2018? It would never happen.

Cricket’s loss is Dancing With the Stars’ gain. Chris Harris is a perfect fit for a show that requires participants to take it incredibly seriously, but also not take it seriously at all. To willingly make a fool of themselves, but trust that at the end of it all – barring major calamity – their efforts will earn them newfound respect.

In my 25 years of Chris Harris fandom I have seen no evidence to suggest he is any good at dancing, or that he knows about anything other than cricket. In the promo video released today he wears a white disco suit and does a dance that appears to fuse Riverdance with MC Hammer shit. He looks like an absolute goose.

It couldn’t be more perfect.


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This is about as deep and intelligent as Far Cry 5 gets.
This is about as deep and intelligent as Far Cry 5 gets.

Pop CultureApril 6, 2018

Far Cry 5 shows off Ubisoft’s mastery of open world gameplay – and little else

This is about as deep and intelligent as Far Cry 5 gets.
This is about as deep and intelligent as Far Cry 5 gets.

With the latest entry in the Far Cry series, Ubisoft has shown they can master open world gameplay – but when are they going to master telling a story? Sam Brooks reviews.

Far Cry 5 starts off engagingly enough. Taking a well-worn page out of the Elder Scrolls book, you’re placed in a highly controlled and cinematic scene and you watch it play out around you – in this case, you’re playing a military officer who has been sent to arrest the leader of a highly militant and extremist Christian cult in Somewheresville, America (the game is very careful not to place it anywhere that could lead to any backlash, but the accents code it pretty clearly to somewhere in the South). You’re in the middle of the night, surrounded by highly armed cult members and because this is a video game where you have to shoot up lots of things, you’re pretty sure things are going to go wrong.

Which it does, about ten minutes later. You arrest the cult leader, but surprise surprise, your helicopter goes down because cult members kept climbing on it (with predictably bloody results). And then, in a gripping and terrifying moment, the help you’re calling on is… not coming. They’re part of the cult. You’ve been played by the cult leader who is imaginatively called The Father.

And then you’re dropped in the middle of a huge open world and given some vague direction as to what to do. Like every other goddamned open world game that’s been released in the past 15 years. You can go anywhere, collect resources, do side missions which have little variation, and roam around in a world that is meant to be a reflection of our own world but is suspiciously empty of life. All the work that Ubisoft has done to engage you in the game – and that opening interactive-ish cutscene is an incredible feat, one of the best deployments of the on-rails opener – dissipates.

Spot the cult leader.

It’s a common issue with open world games, and it’s not exactly revolutionary to bring it up. It doesn’t mean that these games are bad – god knows I’ve put in several hundred hours of my semi-precious life into Dragon Age: Inquisition, which commits similar sins to the ones I mention above – but in these Ubisoft games especially, it seems to run at odds with the games that the developers are actually trying to make. What that opening promises is a game full of huge cinematic setpieces, one that will rocket you along from one to the next, closer to Uncharted than anything else, but what immediately follows is a derailment of both pace and engagement. Why would you want to continue with the plot when there’s just so much to do?

And to its credit, Far Cry 5 is a solidly fun game. It shoots well, it drives well and it’s a genuine joy to run around the world and see what happens, at least when things are happening. The world is also gorgeous – it’s a clever twist on the usual setting for open world games (sad cities, sad deserts, sad mid-fantasy worlds) to go full rural America. From the deep green of the forests to the shimmering blues of the rivers, this is one of the more beautiful games of its generation. If there’s one thing Ubisoft does well, it’s make pretty pictures for you to look at while you wander around collecting hundreds of things for no discernable achievement other than a little trophy notification in the corner of the screen.

By now, open world games are more than just a genre, they’re an infection. Whether you’re playing a GTA-clone, an adventure game or hell, even an RPG like Final Fantasy XV, chances are it’s going to be open world and for whatever reason, they all end up being the same collect-a-thon with slightly different mechanics and different gadgets. These games either have a compelling story that decidedly not compelling gameplay distracts from, or a not-at-all worthwhile story that some super thoughtful and deep gameplay is designed to distract from. Very few games manage to balance the two, and Far Cry 5 is not one of those.

It’s unfair to put the blame for this entirely on Ubisoft, even if they are one of the biggest pioneers and proponents of open world games over the past few years. That is, the kind of the game which gives you a world that you can spend hours in, collecting meaningless things and doing countless repetitive missions – but also the kind of game that doesn’t give you a compelling reason to do any of that stuff. Sometimes developers manage to split the difference between a compelling narrative and an engaging sandbox – Assassin’s Creed: Syndicate is a notable success – but most of the time it’s like putting different colours of lipstick on the same pig and hoping it’ll change the bacon.

For all its flaws, Far Cry 5 is an incredibly beautiful game.

Which is not necessarily a bad thing! These games can work, and they can be fun, but Far Cry 5 is clearly trying to be something more and something deeper. There’s an attempt at a critique of militant and extremist Christianity – or extremism in any religion – that is unfortunately muddled through cartoonish caricatures of the cult, The Project (which is about as generic a name as you can get). The leader of the cult has the names of the seven deadly sins tattooed over his body, including ‘Lust’ tattooed above his crotch. That’s the kind of cartoonish storytelling we’re dealing with.

This tone has been a staple of the Far Cry series throughout; it’s always feigned at depth while still staying firmly in the realm of silliness. You can argue that by portraying the cult and its ridiculous, stereotypical leaders as the villains the developers are criticising extremist religion, but simply making them villains and getting us to mow them down by the dozens is not exactly deep, throught-through critique. You have to kill things in Mario as well – it doesn’t mean that Mario is critiquing those things.

The cynic in me thinks that it’s just business as usual for the Far Cry series. It’s a gorgeously rendered sandbox that allows you to drive around, shoot up a bunch of things and not think too deeply about any of the implications of that stuff. But it’s clear the series wants to be more at this point. It wants to be deeper, more rigorous, and by the fifth entry Ubisoft should’ve worked out that more of the same is not going to cut it. Some of it is down to the limits of the genre – when you’re forced to spread yourself thin it’s hard to go very deep – and some of it is Ubisoft actually not firing where they’re aiming. It’s hard to find a resolution to that, other than a different approach to the series. And if it’s not completely broken, why the hell would you fix it?


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