Three very hot takes on the incredibly emo end to the Bachelor NZ 2017

Alex Casey, Duncan Greive and Jane Yee are in Christchurch to record a live #realpod at the city Art Gallery. But they stole ten minutes to try and process the most emotional end to a Bachelor NZ season yet.

Jane Yee says: Sort it out, art department

Viarni had it in the bag from night one. Lily was a real contender and my overall feels are more about her losing than they are about Viarni winning, but there two other things about the closing moments of the show that I want to address.

1) Why was the final location so underdressed? And by underdressed, I mean totally naked. No candles, no fairy lights, not even a bowl of pot pourri ffs. This is not Bachelor standard, the altar of love should be a showy affair and I feel like the art department really let us down on this one.

2) We’re three seasons deep guys, where the hell is the final rose? This shouldn’t have happened for the third year running. I can’t even deal.

Alex Casey says: Lily for Bachelorette 2018

Okay New Zealand. I know things are feeling raw and, like Lily, I also feel like I have an obstruction in my throat and stomach right now.

But here’s what needs to happen: we need Lily McManus to be The Bachelorette in 2018. If there aren’t enough New Zealand men who are keen enough, let’s start shipping them in. Let’s start growing them in the lab. Let’s get some Bicentennial Bachelors. Let’s get science involved if New Zealand masculinity is so fragile that we can’t find 20 men who can stop chopping wood and drinking Tui for long enough that they can go on a reality show.

Imagine it: everyone will drink a thousand beers in one second, everyone will go snowboarding and everyone will cover themselves in conversation starters like an out of hand version of Memento. It’s time for us to put on our grown up reality TV chinos and accept that we can start feeding The Bachelor franchise ecosystem like they do in the States, and Australia and everywhere else. We need a Bachelorette, and I believe Lily is the person to skateboard and shaka us into this brave new world of gender equality.

It will be simply the best television, bloody oath.

Duncan Greive says: Knowing it all along didn’t make it any easier

We all basically knew it was coming. When we met Lily at Anne the Champagne Lady’s pussy party, she didn’t breathe a word – but seemed free somehow. That, and Viarni and Zac had a kinda straight-to-DVD Art and Matilda vibe from day one.

Yet still it came like an intruder at a cocktail party. Lily had charmed the hell out of his fam, while Viarni had treated it like another in the moment interview to be endured. Maybe that was just good editing, but I really feel like this was excruciating for Zac.

Even more so than S1 this was a true heartbreaker; even more than S2, a true coinflip. Ultimately, while this was an at times meandering season, its conclusion resuscitated the NZ franchise after the furtive fart that was Jordan Mauger’s time as a public figure. Now we have two new shiny things: a fun new celeb couple; and an incredible celeb, begging to be made into something bigger again (exactly what? see Alex’s take).

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