Tomorrow from 7 pm, the election results will start seeping onto every transistor radio, television screen and phone tree in the country. It’ll be thirsty work, so we’ve put together a little something to keep spirits up. With apple juice, obviously.
Take a sip when you hear/see:
“Neck and neck”
A bad meme
Take two sips:
Gruff person wearing rosette
Field reporter fiddling with earpiece
One of Bill English’s 9,000 children
Bad wordplay on “Let’s Do This”
“Too close to call”
Winston Peters attacks the media
Heartwarming montage of pets at polling stations
Political. Editor. Saying. Something. Important. In. One. Word. Sentences.
Take a shot:
A good meme
“The mother of all scandals”
John Campbell monologue
Hilary Barry death stare
Any reference to drinking whisky with Winston Peters
Shot of pizza being delivered to party leader
Take three shots:
“The people have spoken”
Scenes from a grim loser’s party
Lisa Owen eye roll as Duncan and Paddy bantz like fourth-form ladz
Any bus-based metaphor
Winston Peters attacks the polls
“Dramatic and devastating”
Finish your drink:
Reference to Bill English’s acne
Walk into the sea:
“She’s A Pretty Communist”
“This is the fucking news”
Sean Plunket flaps naked on a studio floor like a puffer fish.
This content, like all television coverage we do at The Spinoff, is brought to you thanks to the excellent folk at Lightbox. Do us and yourself a favour by clicking here to start a FREE 30 day trial of this truly wonderful service.
Join The Spinoff Members for as little as $1 to help us hire more journalists and do more investigations. Or get a free Toby Morris-designed tea towel when you contribute $80 or more over a year.
The Spinoff Weekly compiles the best stories of the week – an essential guide to modern life in New Zealand, emailed out on Monday evenings.