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The epic Spinoff election night drinking game

Tomorrow from 7 pm, the election results will start seeping onto every transistor radio, television screen and phone tree in the country. It’ll be thirsty work, so we’ve put together a little something to keep spirits up. With apple juice, obviously.

Take a sip when you hear/see:

“Neck and neck”

“Drag race”

“Jacindamania”

“Stardust”

“Knife edge”

“Volatile”

“Fiscal hole”

“Kingmaker”

A bad meme

Paddy knows. Photo: Rae-Dawn Martin.

Take two sips:

Gruff person wearing rosette

Field reporter fiddling with earpiece

“Captain’s call”

One of Bill English’s 9,000 children

Bad wordplay on “Let’s Do This”

“Too close to call”

Winston Peters attacks the media

Off-camera swearing

Heartwarming montage of pets at polling stations

Political. Editor. Saying. Something. Important. In. One. Word. Sentences.

Take a shot:

A good meme

“Rural-urban divide”

“The mother of all scandals”

John Campbell monologue

Hilary Barry death stare

“Incredibly explosive”

Any reference to drinking whisky with Winston Peters

Shot of pizza being delivered to party leader

Take three shots:

“The people have spoken”

Scenes from a grim loser’s party

Lisa Owen eye roll as Duncan and Paddy bantz like fourth-form ladz

Any bus-based metaphor

Winston Peters attacks the polls

“Dramatic and devastating”

Finish your drink:

A concession.

A resignation.

Reference to Bill English’s acne

Walk into the sea:

“She’s A Pretty Communist”

“This is the fucking news”

Sean Plunket flaps naked on a studio floor like a puffer fish.


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