A new poem by Wellington poet Sam Duckor-Jones. Reading time: Approximately 10 minutes.
Party Legend
Vote for me / I’m from a very distinguished flame /
I attended a school for gifted merchandise /
Yet this is also an everyman’s story /
I have a very relatable familiar regular story /
Sure I attended a school for gifted merchandise /
& I appear to you now as a velveteen seal pup with enormous bloody teeth, but don’t be frightened /
I have a very relatable familiar regular story /
Plus I understand complex economic systems /
I may appear to you now as a velveteen seal pup w an enormous bank account, but don’t be fooled /
I’m from a tiny Kansas farm atop the Himalayas in the Mexican state of Alice Springs, Bangladesh /
I understand complex emotional systems /
My mother was my childhood dog, run over before she was born, so don’t tell me about sorrow /
I grew up on a hay bale propped atop the Himalayas in the Mexican state of Kaikohe, Kazakhstan /
The stories are true / I’ve nothing to hide /
My mother was my childhood dog, run over before she was born /
Lenny Kravitz, Prince, Jimi Hendrix, all fabulous lovers /
The stories are true / I’ve nothing to hide /
See how I relate
Prince, Jimi Hendrix, Barack Obama, Emily Dickinson, Frank O’Hara
Poetry & politics are in the blood /
See how I relate /
Max, my great great great uncle, shtetl heartthrob & political activist, was arrested in 1895,
thrown into a Russian jail & Rose, the aunt on the outside, sang in Yiddish through the bars
Poetry & politics my darlings, some things are in the blood /
Rebellion, rebellion is in the blood /
I may have mentioned Max, arrested in 1895 & thrown into a Russian jail & Rose who sang
in Yiddish through the bars & the guards thought: harmless lullaby / but it was actually an
escape plan /
Folks / I care, oh my god I care /
Rebellion is in my blood /
Send me to jail if you wish, for I believe in many things /
I care, oh my god I care /
I nurture my mythologies as robustly as you shelter to yours /
Send me to jail if you wish, for I’ll believe in anything /
But come election day do consider my singular story /
Embrace my mythologies & I shall acknowledge yours /
Vote for me, blood of Max, jailed for his politics & of Rose who broke him out with a lullaby /
Come election day do consider my inspiring story /
My mother’s mother’s mother left Russia for America & became the first female pharmacist in NYC /
Imagine: Max, jailed for his political beliefs & Rose who broke him out with a lullaby /
Then this pharmacy, which before long becomes a front for dealing heroin to the mob /
My mother’s mother’s mother was the first female pharmacist in New York City /
These are facts / We have the news clippings /
& yes her pharmacy was a front for dealing heroin to the mob /
See this photo of her in a frilly white dress, wide-brimmed hat & enormous gun strapped to her side /
These are facts / We have the news clippings /
What is my point / Dear audience /
There is the photo of my great grandmother with an enormous machine gun strapped to her side /
But my point is not about organised crime /
What is my point /
My point is that I come from well connected & fearless & entrepreneurial stock /
My point is not of homogenized time /
I have no ghosts /
I come from well connected & fearless & entrepreneurial stock /
Justin Trudeau still sends chocolates / See how I shake out the sheets /
I have no ghosts /
My opponents will argue that the timeline meanders but I shall fire back /
Dorothy Gail has the other half of this locket / See how I shake out the sheets /
History is a game of Broken Telephone /
I shall fire back /
Plotlines curl & twist, are dropped, picked up later, repurposed or rewritten /
Mystery is a game of Token Xylophone /
Edges fray & are mended with new perspective /
Plotlines twist & curl, are dropped, picked up later, repurposed or rebitten /
What does it matter if there are embellishments /
Pledges stray & are blended with blue perspex lids /
Who doesn’t relish some abstraction now & then /
What does it matter if there are embellishments /
Homer, the Bible, Lord of the Rings /
Who doesn’t relish a metaphor now & then /
If it’s good it might as well count /
Homer, the Bible, Harry Potter /
I ask you / define reality to your neighbour & you will each come up with different answers /
If it’s good it might as well count /
A show of hands, please, how many of you chose the vial of blood over the Stradivarius /
Define reality to your neighbour & you will each come up with different answers /
Did I mention I am so well connected /
A show of hands / how many of you chose the Stradivarius over the message in a bottle /
It’s true / my great great uncle Joachim was violinist to the Tsar /
Vote for me, I am so well connected /
A position I would indeed consider reinstating should I be elected in September /
Is that of my great great uncle Joachim / Violinist to the Tsar /
Ah but Sam, I hear you say, everyone’s Russian great grandmother was potentially Anastasia /
Look, there are positions I would indeed consider reinstating should I be elected /
I have the receipts / I didn’t want to have to show them but ok, if you insist, I will bring the receipts /
Ah but Sam, you say, every Hamilton kotiro is secretly a Tainui princes, & yes, ok, I hear you /
& positively argue that a vote for me is a vote for dreaming & old photographs /
Friends, I have the receipts / I guarantee 100% you will not want to miss when I unveil the receipts /
Ok / fireside time / Colleagues, countryfolk /
Regarding dreaming & these old photographs /
Remember in the war when I saved your sorry arse /
Friends, colleagues, countryfolk /
I’m no hero /
But remember in the war when I taught that yoga class /
I’ve had my struggles / You know, with self esteem /
Some call me a hero /
Of humble beginnings, yes /
I’ve had my struggles /
My grandfather was found with his infant siblings beside their dead mother /
Humble beginnings /
My grandmother was held by the ankle out the window by a wicked woman /
My grandfather & his infant siblings gurgling on the kitchen floor beside their dead blind mother /
My uncle saved his ice creams so his mother could have a lick / Now he’s a real estate tycoon /
My grandmother was dangled by the ankle out of a window by Philip Pullman /
But look at us now /
My uncle is a real hate typhoon /
My father was nominated for the Best Dream Prize & my mother is a Shaman /
Look at us now /
My brother really did find treasure on an island & my sister has the President’s number /
My father was nominated for a size & my mother is a ploughman /
Vote for me /
My brother really did find pleasure of a kind & my sister is the resident plumber /
When I was a child, I drew rainbow coloured orchestras /
Vote for me /
& the gorgeous lies that we wrap around ourselves in order to have one step follow the next /
When I was a child, I had a rainbow coloured orchestra /
Friends, hands up if you remember your dreams /
Art, poetry / such gorgeous elegant lies that we wrap around ourselves /
Vote for me & I’ll insist they count / & recount / Till we win /
Friends, sing out if you remember your dreams /
Oh, sweet constituents / I love you like you were one of my own numerous & successful daughters /
Vote for me & I’ll insist you count / & recount / Till we win /
Congratulations /
Sweet constituents / I love you like you were one of my own very numerous & successful racehorses /
We are winners, we have won, we are fabulous winners who have already won /
Congratulations /
Yes, I am still so very velveteen /
We are winners, we have won, we are fabulous winners who have already won /
& soon, perhaps I shall return to the ocean /
Tell me, am I not still very velveteen /
My advice / go to bed / upon waking, write it down /
Soon, perhaps I shall return to the ocean /
That mighty ballot box /
Till then, go to bed / upon waking, write it down / repeat /
I am incredibly wealthy & devastatingly handsome & really good at sports /
See you at the ballot box /
Remember my everyman’s story /
I am incredibly healthy & devastatingly handy & really good at thoughts / but you know this /
I am relatable / I am a very distinguished shame / Vote for me /
The Friday Poem is edited by Ashleigh Young. Submissions are welcome at thefridaypoem@gmail.com