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NewsDecember 6, 2014

The Bachelor NZ: The Natural Frontrunners

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Yesterday morning TV3 called for public tip-offs as to who should be New Zealand’s first ever right honourable Bachelor. They are encouraging the public to nominate “a friend, brother, cousin, colleague or son” that is looking for love. If you have anyone in mind, send their names into tipoff@thebachelor.co.nzBut also maybe check with your son first.

I sat down and wrote the world’s longest list of NZ hunks* that I would like to see conduct a rose ceremony. After much whittling, and much embarrassing and incriminating googling, here are my top ten:

10) Matthew Ridge

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I once saw Matthew Ridge playing Space Invaders by himself at Burgerfuel and it was one of the most poignant moments of my life. The guy is clearly ready for a BMX-riding partner in crime.

9) Phil Rudd

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Could really do with a nice lass to piggy-back him towards the straight and narrow. Let love be his drug for once etc.

8) Gareth Stewart

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Want a soulmate? How about the head chef of Soul, mate? They’d have to pay him in gold-plated oysters to make him leave MKRNZ, but it would be worth it to see this smokeshow bringing major heat outside of the kitchen.

7) Levi Hawken

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And the headline shall read, “Nek Minnit: Marriage”

6) Max Key

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Every bride just wants to walk down the aisle to a 17 minute long track called “Genesis” at a wedding hosted by the Ya Ya Club.

5) Jason Ede

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A little birdie told me that Ede is looking for a caddie of his own. Let’s see if this good spin doctor can get some spin on, your heart.

4) James Rolleston

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We’ve seen him flirt his way through multiple Vodafone ads, let’s invade the Dead Lands of his heart and get this Boy a wife.

3) Michael Galvin

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After starring in 2014’s greatest fictional New Zealand wedding, Michael Galvin’s gotta be looking for his own commemorative wedding mug. Plus, he can cater the wedding himself with a giant Moussaka.

2) Deep Dive Man

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Freediver William Trubridge recently failed pretty hard on his record-breaking attempt, and is probably looking for someone to mend his broken heart (broken = exploded due to the pressure of 10000000 gallons of water). Looking forward to New Zealand’s first underwater marriage brought to you by Steinlager Pure.

1) Kim Dot Com

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The obvious first choice. With Mona out of the picture, the Dot Com mansion is the perfect reality TV set, and our German vest spokesman is the perfect Bachelor. Contestants can race each other on golf carts around the grounds, feed his plastic giraffe and take turns skyping Edward Snowden. Before he takes over the States in 2016, let’s download Dot Com some Mega Love.

The Bachelor NZ will air on TV3 in 2015

*some of these entrants may not be hunky and/or single

Keep going!
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NewsDecember 5, 2014

Coming Monday: Street Week – A Tribute to Shortland Street

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Friday night drinks get pre-tty homoerotic at the I.V.

This coming Monday The Spinoff launches ‘Street Week’, dedicated to honouring New Zealand’s greatest ever TV show, Shortland Street. We’ve been scheming on this for a couple of months, and pulled together the most ambitious set of heroic nonsense in the site’s short life.

The motivation was a sense that many New Zealanders, particularly those who generally consider themselves ‘cultured’, are just wandering along, mostly oblivious to just how great Shortland Street has been all these years. It’s consistently funny, challenging and well-constructed, a quiet marvel which remains a ratings monster into its third decade.

It’s also got a great sense of what it is, and is not – the self-referential fake bands (Lazy Gardens), fake streets (Q rd), fake products (MyLife, GameStation) are just one tiny piece of consistently good-humoured Ferndale-verse. It even had a major Christmas cliffhanger which featured a character literally hanging on a cliff. The christmas cliffhangers are consistently amazing – and the latest instalment comes next Thursday.

So to celebrate, we’re going all in, trying to figure out why this weird idea (a PGR soap set in a private medical clinic – really?) became such an epic, endless smash. To this end we’ll have essays, interviews, data journalism (!) and some incredible videos.

It’s been a major undertaking for us, and we’ve leaned heavily on a bunch of our contributors* who love the show (or at least understand its immense appeal). It’s also been the best fun we’ve had, and the most rewarding.

The first post comes at 10am on Monday December 8th 2014. We’re pumped.

* If you have an idea for a post and want to get involved, it’s not too late – pitch me via our contact page.

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