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Image by Archi Banal
Image by Archi Banal

Pop CultureNovember 4, 2023

‘I will never live that down’: Sir Ashley Bloomfield on his biggest TV gaffe

Image by Archi Banal
Image by Archi Banal

The former director general of health reflects on his unexpected TV career, the endurance of the Bell Tea jingle and being there for that ‘spread your legs’ moment. 

New Zealand’s breakout television star of the decade so far, Sir Ashley Bloomfield made hundreds of appearances in the short-lived local drama 1pm Daily Update (2020-2021). His stirring performance in the role of director general of health eaened him two of the most coveted accolades in showbusiness – rave reviews on IMDB and a knighthood – although some critics thought he deserved even more. “Give Dr Ashley the Oscar he deserves,” wrote IMDB user MoofMilker. “He is the superstar of the show.”

In 2022, after 1pm Daily Update was thankfully not renewed for another season, Bloomfield announced that he would not be reprising the role. These days he’s stepped away from the spotlight, and says he’s grateful to have a bit more time to watch TV. “I really enjoy sitting down and watching something just to relax,” he says. “When I was constantly on TV, I would be worried that if I turned it on I might catch a glimpse of myself, or someone else speaking about Covid, which is just not what I needed.”

That said, the former public servant will soon be returning to our screens in the new season of TVNZ’s Anika Moa: Unleashed. “It sounded like a lot of fun and a bit light hearted,” he says. “There’s a big difference between being in a studio with Anika, who’s so much fun, and having a live performance review on national television at one o’clock every day.” He can’t say too much about his appearance, except that “should the zombie apocalypse arrive, I think Anika is much better placed to lead the fight than I am.” 

What Bloomfield was able to share with us were his own television habits and memories, including the endurance of the Bell Tea ad, the shock of that “spread your legs” moment and the local television drama he wishes he could star in. 

My earliest TV memory is… watching programmes after school with my siblings. Things like The Brady Bunch, The Waltons, The Jetsons. Another memory is getting up at three in the morning to watch the All Blacks play England or the Springboks on a Philips K-9 colour TV. Hot cups of Milo, the whole family sitting there, it was a real ritual. 

The TV moment that haunts me the most is… When I was younger I was on a show called It’s Academic, hosted by Lockwood Smith. It was a bit like University Challenge where you had schools playing off against each other. The question that was put to me was to spell the word cemetery. In the moment I thought “Oh, I know how to spell cemetery”, so – I didn’t even realise I had done this – I started the word with an S and spelt out “S-E-M-E-T-E-R-Y”. I thought to myself, “I nailed that”. My two teammates just looked at me and Lockwood Smith looked at me and said “Cemetery is spelt with a C”. I will never live that down. Just a few weeks ago, I was at a 40 year reunion with my schoolmates and one of them brought it up. 

My earliest TV crush was… Gosh, Farrah Fawcett Majors in the Six Million Dollar Man. We just used to watch every episode. 

The TV ad I can’t stop thinking about is… I still like a cup of tea in the morning and I always have Bell tea bags. Every time I look at the box I always think [singing] “Yes Bell Tea bags with their feel alive flavour, they’re for your teapot or your cup.” You see, there was that big shift from tea leaves to tea bags, and there were so many ads. There were Choysa tea bag ads, PG Tips ads which had chimpanzees acting in them, but the Bell tea bag one is the jingle that goes through my head as I make my cuppa every morning.

My TV guilty pleasure is… My go-to binge watch if I’m feeling like I just need to blob out is the Lord of the Rings trilogy. I’m just such a fan, I’ve read the book five or six times. When things were pretty tough at work – not so much during Covid, because I didn’t have time – that would be when I would turn to Lord of the Rings for that escapism. I watched the Amazon series and frankly I thought it was dreadful, I’m not going to watch any further seasons. Honestly, I don’t think they could have done a worse job of it, which is a pity, but the movies are just absolutely outstanding and have stood the test of time. 

My favourite TV character of all time is… Steve Austin from the Six Million Man. We used to watch it, and then go outside and just pretend to be him. I can still remember the voiceover at the start: “Steve Austin, astronaut, a man barely alive, we can rebuild him, we have the technology, we can make him better than he was before. Better, stronger, faster.”

My most memorable TV moment is… I was standing alongside Chris Hipkins for the “spread your legs” moment. I was standing there thinking “Did he really just say that?” while all the journos sitting in front of us had tears rolling down their faces. He did incredibly well to hold it together, until at the end when he made a comment and the whole room just absolutely erupted. At my farewell, he commented that he wouldn’t play poker with me, because I’ve got a useless poker face. To be honest, I thought I did pretty well – all I did was raise my eyebrows. 

The most stylish person on TV is… Jack Tame always looks a million dollars. When I met him face-to-face, I just thought “How do you always look so good and so stylish all the time?” He’s become a fantastic interviewer, I think one of our best, but he’s also always absolutely rocking whatever he’s wearing. 

My most used streaming platform is… I’ve got a few subscriptions, some of which I use more than others. It would be Apple TV at the moment. I’m a big Ted Lasso fan – well, I got through two-and-a-half seasons but I actually found the third season a bit slow and treacly. 

My defining onscreen role is… My 300 plus appearances in the Covid standups is what people will remember me for, probably for the rest of my life. I still have people come up to me as well on the street to comment on the Covid response, and I can honestly say 99.9% of those interactions have been really positive. It’s probably been a bit harder for my wife, who has taken more photos of me with other women than I’ve taken with her.

The TV show I wish I was involved in is… If I think about New Zealand TV, one of the last things that I really enjoyed was Outrageous Fortune. I’m a really big Robyn Malcolm fan – I just think she’s fantastic – and I thought that show was so clever and so Kiwi. I’m not sure exactly who I could have played, but I’d love to have been a part of that show. Maybe I could be in a spinoff season called Outrageous Fortune: The Covid Years. 

My most controversial TV opinion is… I have never watched an episode of Game of Thrones, even when it was a huge big brouhaha. Part of it probably goes back to my Lord of the Rings thing. For me, in terms of fantasy, Lord of the Rings is the absolute pinnacle and everything else just feels a little bit second rate. 

The last thing I watched on TV was… A great series called Slow Horses, which is about a group of not very capable and slightly rogue MI5 agents. The last episode I watched was the culmination of quite an exciting first season. There is a new season that has just come out in the last few days, so I’ll be getting into that next. 

Watch Sir Ashley Bloomfield’s episode of Anika Moa: Unleashed from Wednesday on TVNZ+ 

Keep going!
Clockwise: Drag Her, the HP Envy Move, We Don’t Ride Llamas, the concert spaces at SXSW. (Photos: Sam Brooks, Image Design: Archi Banal)
Clockwise: Drag Her, the HP Envy Move, We Don’t Ride Llamas, the concert spaces at SXSW. (Photos: Sam Brooks, Image Design: Archi Banal)

Pop CultureNovember 3, 2023

Two parts tech, one part culture: Three days at SXSW Sydney

Clockwise: Drag Her, the HP Envy Move, We Don’t Ride Llamas, the concert spaces at SXSW. (Photos: Sam Brooks, Image Design: Archi Banal)
Clockwise: Drag Her, the HP Envy Move, We Don’t Ride Llamas, the concert spaces at SXSW. (Photos: Sam Brooks, Image Design: Archi Banal)

Sam Brooks spends a strange three days at the Australian iteration of the popular conference/festival.

“Isn’t that in Texas?” asked several people when I told them I was going to South by Southwest (aka SXSW or, mortifyingly, “South by” out loud). I explained that I was not going to Austin, but instead to a satellite iteration of SXSW taking place in Sydney.

“Isn’t that a film festival?” others asked. My answer to that was “… kind of.” While the headlines that the original SXSW in Austin, Texas, tends to generate are about the buzzy film and TV premieres they host, the festival is actually an amorphous conglomeration of film, interactive, media and conferences with a decidedly techy, futurist bent.

I did not end up seeing any films at SXSW (although I would’ve loved to have a crack at Faraway Downs, the limited series version of Baz Luhrmann’s mildly panned 2008 film Australia). I did not even attend any of the buzziest talks, which included the likes of Nicole Kidman, Chance the Rapper, Naomi Watts and Charlie Brooker talking about a variety of topics. 

I did end up seeing some bleak talks, as well as some interesting ones. I played a game. I saw two gigs by New Zealand musicians and one by an excellent Austin band (We Don’t Ride Llamas, look them up). I saw some pretty cool – and really expensive – tech products.

This is one person’s experience of SXSW Sydney.

From left to right: SXSW Sydney, the concert area, Michael Cassel in conversation with Kip Williams. (Photos: Sam Brooks, Image Design: Archi Banal)

Tuesday

As I walked to the convention centre, I passed Primeville – an immersive pop-up experience for which a venue has been transformed into a “small town” inspired by Prime Video’s most beloved shows. There was a short line outside, which I did not join, because I doubted Fleabag would be one of the shows represented in Primeville.

The first talk I went to was a deceptively named one about how creatives can use data in their work. If you think that is about how creatives can use data to inform which audiences are engaging with their work, you would be like me, and therefore wrong. If you think that it is about how data transfer software like WeTransfer, and internet infrastructure like fibre can enable the literal movement of data across the world between creatives, you are correct. Please contact me so I can learn your skills of deduction.

In this session, the word “content” was dropped 61 times. At no point did anybody mention a specific piece of art, or creator (I consider a mention of Tom Cruise pretty borderline). This turned out to be a pretty bleak omen of a few of the sessions I would attend across the next few days. An essay by Bill Gates back in 1996 stated that “content is king”. In 2023? Content is peasant.

I followed this up with easily my most anticipated talk of the three days: Kip Williams talking about the development of Sydney-born, West End-bound hit The Picture of Dorian Gray, which was a revolutionary step forward in the use of live camera feeds in theatrical works. It was the ideal of what a discussion like this should be like, hosted by theatrical titan Michael Cassels. They touched on what an audience will and won’t accept in regards to breaking genre, the insane technology required to blend between pre-recorded footage and live filming, and just how hard it is for a solo performer to do a two-hour solo show in which they play nearly 30 characters.

I thought it was setting me up for a bracing, enlivening week of discussions of how art and tech can blend, and uplift each other. How wrong Wednesday would prove me.

Clockwise: The HP Envy Move, the HP Spectre Fold, journalists crowding around the HP Spectre Fold. (Photos: Sam Brooks, Image Design: Archi Banal)

Wednesday

Wednesday morning saw us trekking to HP’s Sydney office to oversee the launch of two new products: the HP Spectre Fold (the world’s “thinnest and smallest 17-inch foldable PC”, which is… a lot of qualifiers) and HP Envy Move (the world’s “only moveable all-in-one PC”).

The demonstration of the former was actually pretty cool/terrifying, which is not an uncommon intersection when it comes to tech. It can turn into a desktop, laptop or tablet, includes a wireless charging keyboard and pen, a screen with IMax enhanced certification, and AI that does a wide range of things, including dimming the screen when you walk away, or when someone who isn’t you approaches the screen. I nodded my head throughout, and tried to hide my surprise at the $9,999 price tag. Maybe for my birthday.

The HP Envy Move, on the other hand, is essentially a large tablet with a handle and cute little feet that spiral out when you put it down. It was priced at a more reasonable $2,999, though I struggled to get past the intrusive thought of how easy it would be to accidentally break.

After the showcase, I walked past Primeville – the line was shorter this time – and tried to get into the Charlie Brooker talk, but failed, so I decided to sprint down the hall to instead attend a session on why creatives need to start thinking about space. The name of this session didn’t confuse me this time, I knew they were talking about the space that’s up there in the sky. It ended up being a pretty fascinating session, albeit slightly terrifying when the panel – all of whom work in the space space (yes, that is a phrase that people said with straight faces) – pointed out how much we all rely on satellites, and without space, so many things we take for granted, including the very internet you are reading this on, would falter.

The two panels that followed led me down a pretty bleak trajectory. The first being on HP’s research into the work relationship index, which is not about relationships at work, but relationships with work. Essentially, it revealed that people want a healthier relationship with work, and are willing to sacrifice higher pay for flexible hours, the ability to work remotely, and better workplaces. (From a certain lens, you could view this as justification to pay people less for better conditions, but that would be a very cynical place to view it from, wouldn’t it.)

The other, also hosted by HP, was how to embrace new technology responsibly, held on the expo floor that I truly did not know existed until this panel. If you’ve ever been to an expo, you’ve been to every expo. Smiling faces next to stands, advertising products and services that all start to blend into one another, hoping to be the next success story. If it proves anything, it proves that advertising is just as easy to ignore in person as it is online.

I came away from the panel, where people invested in tech perhaps unsurprisingly advocated for greater accessibility to tech, with one line echoing in my head: “We want to be seen as being ethical.” This was uttered, in earnestness, by one of the panellists, who is very senior at a tech company. Hey, don’t we all!

Thus far, the biggest commonality I noticed was that despite this being a tech expo, a lot of people seemed not to understand the very basic technical concept that one needs to talk into a microphone to be picked up by a microphone.

The other? All this tech, and we still cannot think of a better way to identify people for a conference than lanyards.

Left to right: The author playing Drag Her, the panel Death and Dying in Video Games, DARTZ performing at SXSW. (Photo: Sam Brooks, Image Design: Archi Banal)

Thursday

On Thursday I was free as a bird to attend, or not attend, whatever I liked. After breakfast at my favourite chain – Pancakes on the Rocks, nowhere near The Rocks – I wandered 15 minutes down the road to check out the games side of SXSW. Three floors up in a hotel, a room packed full of PCs allowed people to play a wide range of indie games, including NZ’s own gaming success story Dredge.

I decided to sit down with Drag Her, which is basically what happens when you cross Street Fighter with RuPaul’s Drag Race. About two minutes into throwing makeup at Laganja Estranga while playing as Kimchi, someone came up to me and asked if she could take my photo. Drag Her is her friend’s game, and they’d be so stoked to see someone playing it. It was the best interaction I’d had in three days.

My last panel of my time at SXSW was guaranteed to be less bleak than the ones that I’d been to in the days before: “Death and Dying in Video Games.” In a little lecture theatre about 10 minutes from the main conference centre, I listened to academics and developers discuss a concept that had genuinely never crossed my mind before: the idea that video games are the one artform that lets us engage, and access, and wrangle with the concept of death. I left that session with my mind bigger, my heart lighter, and my soul a bit brighter.

I closed out my time at SXSW by supporting some locals. ASHY, a Christchurch-based popstar with a banger of an EP that came out this year brought the good vibes in a hotel lobby, while DARTZ absolutely rocked it for about 20 people at 5pm – a harder gig than it sounds. Both acts were absolutely great, but it did have me thinking: why were they there?

Recently, The Spinoff’s books editor Claire Mabey dropped the term “artwashing” into a conversation. Taking on the etymology of greenwashing, pinkwashing, et al – it basically means when a festival, a conference, an organisation uses art to cloak or cover up the true purpose, or to make itself seem cooler or more progressive than it actually is. Was it cool that SXSW was supporting these artists? Absolutely. Did they feel like a little bit of an afterthought? Also yes.

I walked past Primeville one last time before I left. There was no line, and now it was free for anybody to go in. You didn’t even need a lanyard.

The writer was hosted by HP for this experience.